There was something up with Bodie, it was clear even to Doyle. He glanced over to his lover, who was laying on the hospital bed next to his, the head raised so it was more like a chase lounge. Bodie was pale, very pale. Far paler then usual. His eyes where shut, and it seemed as if he had drifted off to sleep. He was dressed, Ray hadn't seen his lover undressed since the attack. It was ten in the morning, and because Bodie had the television remote, Ray Doyle was being forced to watch Morning television. The presenters droned on and on, boring Doyle half to death. Then the door to his room opened, and the Doctor came in, followed by a Nursing Sister. "Good morning Doyle, Bodie," Ray glanced back at Bodie, who was asleep. "Doctor, I'm worried about my partner," "Why would you be worried about him?" "He hasn't gotten much sleep since we've arrived," The doctor looked over to Bodie. "He looks asleep now," "This is the first time he's slept since we've got here, and that was four days ago!" The doctor walked over to Bodie, and touched him on the forehead. Bodie's eyes shot open. "Is something wrong with Ray?" "You fell asleep," The doctor said. "Sorry, I won't do that again," Bodie sat up, he turned to Ray. As he did, he flinched. His hand went to his ribs. The doctor pulled the curtain that laid between the beds so that Ray couldn't see his lover. Then he whispered. "How much sleep have you gotten in the past few days?" "I've gotten enough," Bodie whispered. There was a long pause, and then Bodie yelped in pain. "You haven't started to heal yet, I'll up your prescription for the antibiotics. I want you to take them," "Yes sir..." //Antibiotics, why is Bodie taking antibiotics?// "Also, you can't go without sleep...Do I need to prescribe something for that?" "No sir," "If you don't take care of yourself, I'll have to recommend to Mr. Cowley that you be put in a private room," "Please sir," "If you haven't taken care of yourself by tomorrow, I will have you transferred." "Yes sir," The curtain was pulled, and then the doctor examined Doyle. * * * Doyle had to wait for that night to find out what happened to Bodie. It was late, the lights where down low. Bodie sat on his bed, he took off his shirt. His chest was bandaged. Bryant came into the room, he was carrying a pill bottle, he handed it to Bodie. Bodie took a pill out of the bottle, Bryant handed him some water, and he took the pill."Thanks, I needed that," "You need sleep," Bryant said simply. "I need to take care of Ray," "You can't spend all your time looking after Ray," "I must,' Bodie said firmly. "Why must you?" Bryant persisted. "I wasn't watching Ray's back, it's my fault he was injured." "All right, it was your fault," Bryant said, clearly trying to humour Bodie. "That doesn't mean you don't need any rest," "There's not any time to rest, Ray needs me." "You'll be better at taking care of him if your well." "If you say so," Bodie sighed. "Can you hand me a clean T-shirt?" Bryant did. "If you don't get some sleep, I'll tell the cow on you!" "Oh I'm so scared." Bodie put on the T-shirt, then laid down. Doyle blamed himself for this. It wasn't right for Bodie to take care of him while he was in this condition. //I'm getting better, and when I get well, I'll take care of you,// He promised. * * * Doyle watched his lover move around the room. He could tell just by watching Bodie that he was in pain. He had demanded more and more from Bodie, and never realised that he had been hurt, until he had heard the doctor's conversation. He still couldn't understand why Bodie would put himself through all this. He knew that Bodie blamed himself for the attack, but Ray knew that Bodie couldn't have stopped it. "Here sunshine, you need a shave," Bodie brought Ray's razor over to him. Doyle looked into Bodie's midnight blue eyes. "Why don't you sit down?" Bodie did, at the edge of the bed. He was in obvious pain. "When does your pill wear off?" "I'm not sure," Bodie caught himself. He looked up to Ray, his eyes confused. "You know..." "Yes, you berk, I know. How long where you expecting to pretend that you weren't hurt?" Doyle asked. "I'm not as hurt as you," Bodie finally said. "That may be, but you need a chance to recover too." Ray touched his lover. "You can't rest if your being my maid," "Someone has to care for you, might as well be me." "Even you need rest." He moved over in the bed, then he patted the empty place. It looked as if there was a struggle inside of Bodie, then he climbed up on the bed beside his partner. Doyle propped a pillow behind his neck. Bodie sat back with a sigh. "How does that feel?" Ray asked. "Much better," Bodie smiled a bit. It took some doing, but Doyle reached over and kissed Bodie's surprised lips. Bodie's eyes shot open. 'What's that for?" "For everything, you saved my life, took care of me, I owe you." "That's what friends are for," Bodie said. Doyle kissed Bodie again, and this time his lover let him, bringing up his hand to Doyle's curls. They kissed for awhile, then Bodie tried to move, which made him whelp with pain. "You need something for that mate," Ray slowly started to get out of bed. "Ray no!" Bodie grabbed his arm. "I'll do it." "I need to do this, please, try and understand." His partner let go of him, and he got to his feet. He walked to the burrow where Bodie kept his medicine. He opened the drawer and took out the container. He took out as many as Bodie needed. A wave of weakness overcame him, and he grabbed the dresser. He hugged it for several seconds, trying to get his breath back. Ray then when back to his side of the bed. he poured a glass of water for Bodie, then turned to him and handed him the glass and the pills. "Here sunshine," Bodie took the pills from Doyle, took them, and handed the now empty glass to his partner. "You didn't have to do that," "But I did," Was all Ray Doyle said. * * * Two days latter, Bryant rushed up to Bodie in the hallway. "Can you talk to Lars?" "Did something happen?" Bodie asked concered. His brother was still recovering. "I think he's gone mad," "Why? Lars is one of the sanest people I know," Then Bodie took a good look at Bryant, the man was pale, trembling. Clearly something was wrong with him. "What happened?" "Lars told me that he never wants to see me again," "He has a tube in his throat that keeps him from talking," Bodie reminded him. "He got it taken out this morning," "Lars loves you," He tried to reason. "You mean he did, he says the attack was my fault, that he was attacked because my job was too dangerous," Bryant looked into Bodie's eyes. "I don't think I can live without him." "He can't go anywhere, he's signed a contract with the college," "His contract expires this year, before all this happened, he was offered a job in Los Angles. He told me that he's going to take it." "I can talk to him, but I don't know if it would help," "I know, but please Bodie, try." Bryant persisted. * * * Bodie went to Lar's room. His hand was still bandaged, but the tube in his mouth was gone. He was ashen, his dark hair a contrast against his anaemic skin. Lars looked so much like Harry. The hand with the fingers that had been reattached laid on the covers, the stitches crimson against his skin. "How's it going?" "What are you doing here?" Lars croaked hoarsely. "I'm your brother, I'm allowed to be here," Bodie reminded him. "I thought perhaps Brendan asked you to be here," "Nope, I just wanted to see you." "Good, I don't want to talk about him," Lars looked out the window. "it's his fault I'm here," "Why do you say that?" "That's why the attackers where cutting off my fingers, they wanted to know where he was," "They knew he was an agent?" Lars nodded. "I don't know how they knew, but they knew. Can we talk about something else, please," Bodie nodded. "I love him Bodie, I've never loved anyone like I loved him, but it's not safe." "Why don't you ask him to quit?" "I can't do that, being a CI5 agent is his life," "Why don't you give it a little time?" "all this period not being able to talk gave me time to think, and I realised that if the hate group didn't kill me, then something else will." Lars said firmly. "When did you tell Bryant?" "About an hour ago," He looked down to his hand. "I lucked out because I am left handed, but those bastards wanted to make me so that I wouldn't be able to draw again," "Los Angles isn't very safe," Bodie pointed out. "It's safer then it is here!" Lar's voice rose, "I've made up my mind, tell Brendan that I never want to see him again!" * * * Doyle woke, it was the middle of the night, a week had passed since he had found out about Bodie's injuries. Bodie and Doyle's hospital beds where pushed together. Bodie laid curled up beside Ray, his head on his shoulder. Doyle ran his hand across his body, he was surprised that he was hard, but having Bodie beside him didn't help this at all. //God I want you Bodie,// //Want to feel you inside me,// Doyle leaned down and kissed Bodie's sleeping lips. Bodie pulled away from him, his eyes looked confused. "We can't," "Why not?" Doyle's hand found Bodie's cock, he began to stroke it, he could feel it grow. "You can barely move," Bodie objected, he moved Ray's hand. "I'm feeling a lot better," Ray said. "I need you, please." "All right," Bodie began to turn to his stomach. "Not like that Bodie,' Ray said stopping him. Bodie nodded, "I'll suck you then," "I want you to take me," He looked away from Ray, "I can't do that," "*Why* can't you?" he demanded. "you wouldn't understand," was all that his lover would say. "Do you know how much I miss you inside me? How much I need you to take me?' "I'll........I'll hurt you," Bodie finally gasped. "Your ribs.....I've been on bottom wit h broken ribs before, I know how much it hurts.....when your well, I'll let you take me as much as you want." So that was it, Bodie was waiting for his lover to heal. Ray put his finger under Bodie's chin, he turned his face so that he could see him. "Can't the two of us find some way to love each other without hurting each other?" "I'm not sure," "You where a street hustler, can't you think of something?" "I'll hurt you," he persisted. "You've been taking care of me all this time, I need you to make love to me, can't you understand?" Bodie nodded, "I'll go gently, if I hurt you, tell me." "I will," Ray promised. Bodie kissed Doyle, Doyle's body reacted, he had missed Bodie being inside of him. Bodie pulled him on top of him, at the same time, easing Ray's pajama pants down. Ray helped him off with them. Bodie's hands went around his ass, squeezing them. Ray fumbled with Bodie's pajama pants, finally getting the cock out. "Ray, we need something...." Bodie said pulling away from him. "We don't have anything," With Ray still on top of him, Bodie opened the bedside table, and took out a tube of jel. "This is a hospital remember?" "How could I forget?" * * * Afterwards, Doyle held Bodie close to him. "You don't know how much I missed making love to you," Bodie whispered. "We'll make up for lost time in the future," Ray tried to soothe. Bodie's arms went around him and squeezed Ray so hard that he thought his stitches would burst. Something was bugging Bodie, Ray could feel it. "What's wrong?" "It's nothing," But Ray could feel the tears as they fell onto his chest. "It's not nothing, tell me, please." "I think I should wait until your better," Bodie finally choked out. "If it has to do with us, you should tell me now," There was a long stretch of silence. Then Bodie finally spoke. "The Home Secretary has given orders that as soon as your fit, that we have to be broken up." "Didn't Cowley say anything?" Ray demanded. "There was a scandal, photos of us kissing where published," Bodie said quietly. "That was part of our cover!" he tried to keep his temper. "The cow says it will be best for everyone if we're reassigned." "What about you, how do you feel?" Ra y didn't think Bodie would answer, then he said. "I don't want to leave, but we don't get the choice do we?" "We could always quit CI5," Ray suggested. "No, I can't do that," "*Why* can't you?" Bodie whispered. "Cowley owns me," "This is England! Slavery is illegal!" "I know that, but Cowley told me, that if I ever left CI5 out of my own accord, that he'll have me shipped back to Angola,: "They'll kill you there!" "Exactly," "Well, we can be together off duty," Ray said trying to see the bright side of all this. "That might be harder then you think, Cowley's sending me to the Welsh branch," "Great," Ray sighed. "I'll never see you again," The arms around Ray grew even tighter. "I don't know how, but someway, we'll be together again." * * * Finally the time came where they had to part. Doyle was well now, there was no reason that Bodie had to stay. Bodie watched Doyle pack silently. He wasn't sure what to tell his lover, big displays of emotion wasn't his style. Finally Ray was finished packing. He looked up to Bodie. "What right does that bastard have to break us up?" "We've been paired for a long time," Bodie shrugged. "Something like this was bound to happen," "So you don't mind," "All I said was we don't get a choice," "Will you call me when your in Wales?" Ray looked very vulnerable, like a child. Bodie walked over to him, and took him in his arms, then he whispered into his ear. "Of course I'll call you sunshine," Ray's arms went around him. "I don't know what I'll do without you," "You'll go on living," Bodie took a deep breath, and let it out. "At least you got the good Murphy." "You don't have much time for Michael do you?" "Kids an dot, but he's a compent enough agent, though I'm not too sure I can trust him to watch my back." Another long pause. "No one will replace you," "I love you Bodie," he kissed him. "It's going to be hard being celibate," "There's always Liam," Bodie reminded him. "We have a commitment," Ray gasped. "That was only for this assignment, you knew that," "I just hoped....." Bodie pulled away from his lover. "Why should we change our relationship now?" After a long pause, Ray nodded. "Your right, who knows how long we'll be separated," Bodie kissed Doyle, he wanted to tell his lover that he loved him. He was leaving, he might never see Ray again. There was a car horn honk. "That'll be Mike, I better go," "I'll carry your bag to the door," Ray offered. "No, I think it would be better if we said our good byes here," There was another long kiss, then Bodie pulled away from his lover. He picked up his bag and left. When he got to Michael Murphy's car, he looked up to the building, Ray was standing at the window, tears streaming down his cheeks. * * *