SubstituteBy Katrinka Bodie let his fingers get lost in his lover's tangle of golden curls. Doyle was beautiful, the most beautiful person either male or female that Bodie had ever known. It was hot, there was a boggy heat that hung around them, for once Bodie didn't care. Doyle and Bodie had been assigned to this region for two years now. Partners, more then partners, best friends, and eventually lovers. They had finally made a break from Krivas, and they where getting ready to return home. In this part of the world, no one knew them. No one cared if they shared a bed. There was a civil war going on, a brutal, terrible civil war. and for now, the only escape from the war was each other. Their assignment was almost over, they would be back home in Britain, together. "So, are you going to finally let me meet your mum?" Doyle asked, his green eyes dancing. His eyes, slanted, reminded Bodie so much like a cat. "I keep telling you, I'm an orphan." he insisted. "You've got a brother, can I meet him?" "If I can find him." "You don't know where your brother is?" Bodie shrugged. "Harry gets around, I can't keep track of him. What about you, when will I meet your brother?" Doyle pulled a face. "You wouldn't like him, he's a copper." "The white sheep of the family." "There's got to be one of us." Doyle smiled. "At least you understand about twins, you've got one." That was the one thing Bodie and Doyle had in common, they where both twins, while his twin was fraternal, Doyle was part of a set of identical twins. Bodie ran his finger down his lovers face. "I would like to see how much the two of you really are alike." "My brother wouldn't like you, trust me on this. Your mysterious, dark, dangerous." "That's just my loveable side." He grinned. "It's the part I love the most." "I love you too," Bodie said, he kissed his lover. The door burst open. the room was quickly filled with armed men. a shot rang out, hitting Bodie in the arm. Someone pushed Bodie to the ground. A man walked into the room, he looked middle eastern. "Hello Bodie, Doyle." "Krivas." Bodie hissed. "Leave us alone! we don't want anything to do with you!" Doyle said emphatically. Krivas walked over to Doyle. "What did Bodie promise you to make you bed him?" "Nothing," "Then why betray me?" "You and I had nothing, just because we fucked a couple of times doesn't mean anything. What Bodie and I have is something special!" "You betrayed me!" Krivas slapped Doyle hard across the face. Doyle reeled back, hatred written in his eyes. "I love Bodie." Bodie jumped to his feet, even though he had been shot, he could do something. he hit the man standing beside him. Bodie was punched hard in the stomach, by frenchie. The next few things happened almost like they where in slow motion. Krivas pressed the muzzle of his .44 magnum against Doyle's face and pulled the trigger. Doyle fell to the bed, his face a mangled remnant of what it once was. "Kyle!!!!" Bodie screamed. "Take him out of here!" Krivas ordered. "There's a good price on his head. l ets collect it!" The last thing that Bodie saw as they pulled him out of the room was the body of Kyle Doyle. his dead lover. He had been beautiful.....once. * * * Bodie sat in his cell, waiting to die. It was sweltering, but then it was always hot in Angola. He had been on the wrong side of a civil war, doing what he did best, mercenary work. The S.A.S had cut him off like a loose cannon. It was more politically expedient to let him die instead of making a formal protest. The world couldn't find out that the British government had become i nvolved in one of the most bloody civil wars in Africa's history. He was going to die, he knew he would die someday, but not like this. He thought of his twin brother Harry, he had been right, he had told him when he joined the S.A.S. that he would get killed. Bodie wished that they would get on with his execution instead of making him wait to die. He couldn't get Kyle out of his mind. His beautiful Kyle. He had nothing left from his lover, not a photo, not even a piece of jewellery, simply the memories. If only, if only he had been stronger, then he could have saved his lover's life. The door to the cell opened, he didn't bother getting up, after all, what could they do to him, kill him? He still ached from the beating he had gotten earlier, the guards didn't like mercenaries, especially ones with whore brands. If he looked up, or somehow displeased his captors, he would be beaten, or he didn't acknowledge that they where there, they would beat him even harder for his insolence. A voice spoke to him, surpassingly this one didn't speech French, but English, and he had a Scottish brogue. "I expect you to look up when I come visiting," "Oh, you do, do you?" Bodie asked sarcastically in French, he could still remember the beatings he had gotten for speaking English. He looked up, the man was white, in the upper middle age group. He was dressed better then most of the people that he had seen around this place. "You are William Bodie?" "Yes, I am." "Do you go by Will or Bill?" "Bodie, you can call me Bodie, not Will or Bill," "I'm George Cowley from CI5," "Am I supposed to be impressed by that?" he retorted. "Your angry," "If the British government wanted information from me they should have asked before the trial." he didn't have time for interrogation from some pencil pusher. The man sat down. "Did you help the mercenaries slaughter an orphanage?" "That's what the judge said I did," "I didn't ask you that, I asked if you did it," There was a long pause between them. Finally Bodie said. "No, I didn't, I wasn't any where near the orphanage." "I heard you where in bed with a man when you where captured." "Yes, I was, " He said slowly. "What is this man's name?" "Kyle Doyle." "Why wasn't he arrested with you?" "He was murdered by the mercenaries that brought me in." Bodie sat up. "Why didn't you let it be known that you where working with the British government?" "What does that matter? I'll be dead in a few days, and your precious British governments little secret will be dead along with me." "Not necessarily," "What do you mean by that?" "I could have your sentence commuted." The man offered. "What do you need me to do, fight in another war?" "YOU don't have to fight in any wars, not unless you want to. What I want you to do takes place in the United Kingdom." "What if I run?" Bodie asked. "Then I will hunt you down, and ship you back to Angola so fast your head will spin," The man threatened. "So you'll own me," "In a way," "I'm not quite sure you'd want me, I have a rather chequered past." "Your the kind of man that I want, the kind of man that would die instead reveal that you work for the British government." Bodie didn't have much of a choice, he would have to go with this man, or he could die. "When do we leave?" * * * After he returned to Britain, he was told that he would be staying with his brother Harry. He was given a key, and told where the apartment was. When he opened the door to the place, he thought he was in the wrong apartment. There was a kid there, probably in his mid-teens, he had dark hair and pale blue eyes that where hidden under thick farsighted lenses. He noticed that the kid had a tattoo around his wrist, a whore house mark. "Who are you?" The kid asked in clipped English. "I must have the wrong flat," Bodie finally said. "Who where you looking for?" "Harry Penhalligan," "Yes, this is Harry's flat," "Then who are you?" "I'm Lars Bodie, his brother, I'll go get Harry," The boy disappeared down a hallway.A few moments later, Harry appeared. "How are you doing Bodie?" "Better then I was a few months ago," He hugged his brother. "Were did you dig up the kid?" "London," Harry pulled away from him, as always, Harry was stylishly dressed. "He's a bit young for you, plus, I thought you where straight," "I am straight," Harry waved towards a couch, Bodie sat down. "So, what's he doing here?" "He's our brother," "So you say, where'd you find him, hustling for a quid?" "He was in a museum, sketching," Harry picked up a pad. "This is his, he's a very gifted artist." Harry was right, the kid was good. "So good, so far, what's he doing here?" "I bought him from his madam," "Why would you do something as mad as that?" He asked. "It was the only way I could get him free, " harry sat down. "I had to do something," "Why did you have to do something?" he insisted. "Because he's our brother, I couldn't just leave him there!" "Why couldn't you?" 'Would you have wanted me to let you stay in the streets if it was you?" "You know that's different," Bodie decided that his brother had finally gone mad. "Lars is a good kid, very gifted. He deserves to do more then just pick up men all his life," Harry said reasonably. "If he didn't have me, he would be alone." "How do you know he's our brother?" "I've got a new job, I work with classified information, I looked him up." "Is he still hustling?" "He hasn't done that since I got him," One question was nagging Bodie. "So why is he going by *my* last name?" "Because he is officially my ward, you had vanished who knows where, so I used your name, so officially, he's only your brother," "Oh great, I suppose this means I have to be nice to him." Bodie sighed. "What's this about your new job?" "It's an organisation called CI5," "Your CI5?" Bodie gasped. "Who do you think told Cowley about you?" Harry countered. "When did you join CI5?" "Two years ago," \ "Does Major Cowley know about your thieving ways?" "The Cow says it takes a thief to catch a thief," Harry shrugged. "You did know he assigned me to stay with you?" "Yeah, he did." "Did he tell you we're not allowed to tell anyone we're related?" it's supposed to be some kind of security risk." Harry said. "Can we at least call each other old friends?" "I don't suppose why not?" Harry smiled. * * * Bodie spent most of his first year at the CI5 in the dungeon, the place where the files where kept. He was never sent out on assignment, and he was beginning to wonder if Cowley would ever trust him enough to assign him to the field. He doubted it, he would probably be a glorified secretary forever. Filing reports, making sure that no one would come in and steal the top secret files. At night Bodie took classes at the local university, trying to catch up on the education he had never finished. He would dream of Kyle. His lover haunted him, asking him why. He should have been stronger, should have been able to fight off Kriva's men. He didn't date, didn't feel like dating, even for the blind sex. It was the longes t he had gone celibate since he had lost his virginity. He never asked Harry what he did at work, not that his brother would tell him, there was just so much that even brothers could share. Besides in CI5 no one trusted him. When he had returned to Britain, he had discovered that his trial had been big news, he was notorious. Every month he was sent to training sessions, so that he would stay in good s hape. He usually worked hard, but that didn't seem to matter. Bodie walked around the training yard. Everyone kept a wide birth from him, going out of their way not to be too close to this man. Bodie didn't mind, he had been alone many times. Cowley walked over to him. "Good morning 3.7," "Good morning sir," Bodie always kept his military stance around his commander. "Getting a good workout?" "Yes sir," "Are you getting tired of working in records?" "No sir," Bodie said quickly. He didn't want to show that he was displeased, Cowley owned him, he could send him back to Angola on a whim. "I had to determine your ability to be trusted, do you understand that?" "Yes sir....." "In the time you where in records, you never once stole a top secret record." "Why would I do that sir?" Bodie asked. "If you where the type to do what you where convicted of, you would have been the type to steal records and sell them to the black market." "I wouldn't do that," "You have proved to me that you can be trusted." "Thank you sir," Bodie looked out to the field. He saw a ghost, The spirit of a dead lover. The man was on the training course, he was dressed in army fatigues, he had a cap of golden curls. It was Kyle, But Kyle was dead, Bodie had seen him die. If he had survived the attack, he wouldn't look like this. "What is it 3.7?" Cowley asked harshly. Bodie finally tore his eyes from the phantom. "Nothing, it's nothing." Cowley looked out to the course. "That is a new requite, his name is Doyle, do you know him?" //Doyle!// //It must be Kyle's twin, what was his name? Roy?// "No sir, I don't." Bodie said out loud. //Why do I feel like Peter denying Jesus?// //You can't be alive, I know you can't. And much as I love you Kyle, I know that.// "I want you to work with Doyle today, put him through his paces," Cowley ordered. "Yes sir." They watched Doyle perform on the course, when the new agent was finished, Cowley gestured to him. The man walked over to them. "How is it going 4.5?" Cowley asked. "Townsends tough," The man said in a voice so much like Kyle's. He looked Bodie over. "Do you think you can handle him?" "Of course I can!" The man said confidently. He glanced at Bodie again. "I want you to meet your new partner, I want you to work with him for a few weeks, see if you get along together." "Yes sir," "This is Bodie," Cowley introduced. "Got a first name?" green eyes looking Bodie up and down. "His first name is William, but he goes by just Bodie." The green eyes raked over him. "I see." * * * "I know about your back ground," Ray said. After training that night, they had gone to a local pub. Bodie didn't say anything, instead his took a gulp of his beer. He was a mystery to Doyle. A enigma. Even though Doyle felt like he knew this man already from his brother's descriptions. Doyle had expected to find someone that was open and cheerful, instead he found this cool presence that was almost emotionless. Cowley told him how his brother did, he had been in bed with Bodie when Krivas burst in. Ray wondered why Bodie would move in with Harry Penhaligan so soon after Kyle's death, but that might mean that he was simply lonely. They sat at a table. Murphy walked by them and said hello to Ray, then without even a glance to Bodie, sat down at the next table. Ray couldn't help but notice that everyone from CI5 acted as if Bodie wasn't there. Finally Bodie looked up to him. "Why don't you go and join your friends?" "I'm all right here," "Don't worry, you won't hurt my feelings," "I'm fine here," "Listen Ray, you shouldn't be seen with me," Bodie finally said. "He's right," Murphy said to Ray. "Don't you know who this man is?" "He's Bodie," "Don't tell me you don't know," Murphy said. "Bodie has been convicted of mass murder!" Instead of defending himself, Bodie got up, he tossed a tanner on the table and walked out of the pub. Doyle got up and followed Bodie out of the pub. The man stopped at his car and turned around. "What do you want?" "Why didn't you defend yourself?" "Murphy was telling the truth, I was convicted of mass murder." 'That doesn't mean you did it!" "Do you think I did it?" Bodie asked. Doyle paused for a moment, Bodie could read the other man's hesitation. "Listen Ray, I'm just a temporary partner, your going to have to get along with the rest of the force. " Bodie took a deep breath and let it out. "You should listen to Murphy, you would do well to stay away from me." With that, Bodie got into his car and left. * * * When Doyle got home from the pub, he went into his bedroom and took out an envelope out of the dresser. Inside was a loose leaf notebook. All of the letter Kyle had sent him when he was posted to Africa. He sat down on the bed, the book fell open to a page that had a photo attached. It was Kyle and Bodie. Kyle had his arm on Bodie's shoulder, he was holding a pistol. He had a look on his face that said, "This is mine, keep your hands off!" Doyle began to read. Do you like the picture? Krivas took it two weeks ago, he thought it was funny to see us like this. Krivas has no idea how I really feel about Bodie. If I wasn't assigned here, I would be off. I hate Krivas, can stand the times that Krivas touches me, using my body. He never pleasures me, I'm here for him to use, not the other way around. "When that happens, I close my eyes and think it's Bodie. Do you think I'm a whore for giving myself to Krivas? It's what I was assigned to do, so that makes it a little better. Bodie's such a genteel man, so much unlike Krivas. He so easy to love. I don't get many times alone with him. We're always on the run. The war isn't going good. The other side is winning. Krivas always keeps an eye out for me, watching me to see if I won't cheat on him. What I have with Bodie has to be reserved for late night watches, or when Krivas is gone. Krivas and most of the gang went into town last night, leaving me alone with Bodie. We made up for last time. The morning we went to an orphanage, Bodie has a soft spot for orphans, since he's one himself. He gave the nuns money so that they could buy the kids food. He try to slip away from Krivas once in awhile to see them. Little shoeless kids, who have a mercenary as a guardian angel. His eyes are of the deepest blue. When he's sleeping he looks like one of the angels. We talk about what it will be like when we return to England. I keep telling him that I want him to meet you Ray. I know Bodie looks tough, but when you get to know him, he's all tenderness beneath that rough exterior and it's worth the wait to get to it. Kyle ************************************* Bodie spent the next week showing Doyle the luxuries of the dungeon. Trying not to stare at the new agent, trying not to let him know that he reminded him too much of his twin brother. The way that Ray would pose against the wall, or file cabinet, instantly moving to find a comfortable place. The way while he was board to sketch what was around him. There where differences of course, Ray had a broken cheekbone once, it hadn't healed properly, making a flat ridge under his eyes. The way that his temper flared up if he was pressed. Slowly he began to think of Ray as being Ray, not simply a look alike for his brother. They didn't talk about much, only about the job. Bodie soon guessed that the other members of CI5 where telling Doyle something about him, because there where fact about him that Ray knew, like his being a mercenary. Bodie bided his time, this was only a temporary assignment, Ray would be assigned to another partner. The time finally came when Bodie and Ray where called to Cowley's office. "How has the past week been?" Cowley asked. "It's been fine sir," Bodie said. "How is Doyle doing?" "He's learned the filing system, sir." "Good, good," Cowley looked over the papers he was studying. "I have a field assignment for the two of you, do you think you can handle it?" Bodies heart almost literally jumped into his mouth, Cowley finally going to trust him with an assignment. "I can handle it," Doyle said. "There is a criminal we're looking for, one of his favourite hangouts is a gay bar, do you think you can handle that 4.5?" "Of course sir." "Would you have any problem pretending your gay?" "No sir," "Good," Cowley showed them a photo. "This is Markov, he's a Russian spy. if you see him, call in." "You don't want us to arrest him sir?" Doyle asked puzzled. "Of course I don't! Your only doing surveillance. I'll have more experienced agents pick him up." "Yes sir." Doyle looked down, then back up to Cowley. "Aren't you worried that Bodie can handle a gay bar?" "That isn't your problem!" "It is if he's my partner!" Green eyes flashing. "Well, 3.7?" Cowley asked. "I can handle it sir." Bodie said. "You see, he can handle it." "Is that all your going to ask him?" Doyle demanded. "What else should I ask him?" Cowley said reasonably, a little too reasonably. "I don't want anyone backing me up who goes squeamish at the site of gays!" . So that was it, Doyle didn't trust him. It hurt seeing someone that looked like a dead lover tell you that he doesn't trust you. "Bodie has earned my trust. That should be enough for you." "But sir......." Cowley cut him off. "If you don't do as your ordered, you'll be stuck in records for the next ten years!" "Yes sir.". "You and Bodie are to pose as lovers. Your to dance to gether and to have a good time, is that understood?" "Yes sir," Doyle said. "Bodie will pick you up at 8 at your apartment, dismissed." Doyle hesitated for a moment, then left. Bodie followed him out. he let Doyle lead. * * * Bodie did as he was instructed and picked up Ray at eight. Ray was dressed too casually for Bodie's taste, jeans but he had to admit that the jeans where tight in all the right places. He looked Bodie over warily. "Are you ready to go?" "Anytime you are." Doyle stepped outside the door, and shut it. not inviting Bodie in. Showing from his body language that he didn't like Bodie, didn't trust him. They walked to the car in silence. after they got in, Doyle asked. "Have you ever been in a gay club?" "I'm bisexual," Bodie said simply. "Oh." There was a long pause. "Does Cowley know?" "Of course he knows! He knows everything about us, you do know that?" "You mean....." "Even if your in the closet about your sexuality, Cowley knows, he probably knows the person who you lost your virginity to." "Can I ask you a question?" "Ask." "Did you really kill those orphans?" "No, I didn't, I was framed, turned in for the reward money." Bodie started the car and drove off. "If you don't mind, I don't want to talk about that." Softly, Ray said. "It must have been rough on you." "You wouldn't know how rough." Bodie stared out into the street. "Can I ask you something else?" Bodie got another sinking feeling in his stomach. "Ask." This time when Doyle talked, his voice was much lighter. "When we dance, d o you want to lead, or should I? * * * Bodie was surprised when they walked in the bar the bartender yelled "Hello Ray.!" "Hi Sid." Ray said, Bodie followed Ray to the bar. "Whose your friend?" the bartender asked. "This is Bodie, " Ray's arm snaked around Bodies waist. "You remember me telling you about Bodie." "You didn't tell me he was *that* good looking. Will you have the usual?" "Sure, make that two." As the bartender moved away, Bodie whispered in Ray's ear. "You've been here before." "Yes, so, let me take the lead, I know most of the people here. " "Your gay." "I'm like you, BI." "The bartender set the drinks in front of them. "Come on Bo, lets have some fun." Ray said. * * * Later on in the evening, after they drank a bit too much, Ray looked up to Bodie. "Want to dance?" Bodie followed Doyle onto the dance floor. A slow dance came on, and Ray pulled him close to him. Ray's lips touched his ear. "You shouldn't be so stiff.," "I'm not." "Your like a mannequin, loosen up." There was a long pause between them. "How long has it been since you've dated last?" "Over a year....." "A nice looking bloke like you? What was wrong? What happened?" What could he tell Ray? Finally he said. "My lover was killed, I really haven't felt like dating since then." "Was it before or after you came back to England?" Before, it was in Angola. We where together three years." There was another long pause. "She was beautiful." Bodie felt a bit guilty for telling Ray that Kyle was a woman, but Ray might never forgive him for what happened to his brother. "You loved her." It wasn't a question, not really. "I've never loved anyone like I loved her, we spent four years together, those where the best four years of my life. every time I close my eyes I see her in my mind," "Your not ready for dating," "In a way I would feel like I was cheating on her....." There was another pause. "Do you mind if we don't talk about her?" Ray's arm tightened around Bodie. "I understand." * * * The next week Bodie and Doyle's evenings where spent at the dance club. They started to become friends. It seemed as if Ray was really beginning to like Bodie, but he didn't know if it was a act or not. It could have been simply Ray trying to keep their cover. Even when they weren't on duty Doyle kept up his nice act. soon it was easy to think of Ray as his own person, and not just a clone of his twin brother. Bodie understood how it was like to be a twin, how Ray was his own person. He found things that he had in common with Ray that he didn't have with Kyle. Ray loved to drink, his twin had been a tea teetotaller. Ray liked football, and cricket. and jazz. All things his brother couldn't stand. Bodie began to look forward to seeing Ray everyday. what he felt for Ray was different then his love for Kyle. He wanted Ray, but not as a subistute Kyle, but simply because he liked the man. Finally after two weeks, Markov finally decided to show his face. He went to the bar, leaned against it and ordered a drink. "Look sunshine, look whose here." Bodie said. "Where," Bodie nodded at the bar. Ray paled, "I'll call Cowley. Keep an eye on him ey?" Ray went and called in reinforcements. Bodie walked up to the bar, and stood beside the man. the man looked him over. It was obvious that he liked what he saw. "Where'd your boyfriend go?" "Who cares?" Bodie smiled. He easily slipped into the very familiar routine, of a hustler. "Yeah, who cares," Markov had a heavy Russian accent. " Buy you a drink.?" "Sure," The Russian ordered Bodie a drink, as he went to pay for the drink, Bodie noticed that the man was wearing a gun. As he downed the drink, Murphy came into the bar, followed by several other CI5 agents. "Your under arrest, put your arms over your head." Murphy ordered. Like a flash, Markov had taken his gun out, he grabbed Murphy around the neck, and shoved his gun against the agent's head. His back to Bodie. Bodie the experienced mercenary, smashed the man over the head with a pitcher of ale, with the other hand he grabbed the man's arm and shoved it so that the gun fell out of his hand. The man fell to the ground, letting go of Murphy. Murphy looked up to Bodie. "Are you all right?" Bodie asked. "You saved my life...." he said as still not believing it. "t was just part of the job," He tried to be cold. The spy was bundled off by the other CI5 men. Murphy got up and looked at Bodie with a new found respect. "I won't forget this Bodie. Thanks." "buy you a drink?" he offered. "I've got to get back and interrogate Markov, but next time..." "Sure, next time," Bodie agreed. He watched Murphy leave. Ray showed his face right after the CI5 left. "Where'd you go?" Bodie asked. "I knew the suspect......" "Being a regular in this club, you where bound too." Though Bodie wondered if there was more to the story. "Why we go back to my apartment? We could have to drink." Ray offered. "You don't have to pretend to be my friend anymore, the job is over." "You don't think I really like you?" Doyle gasped. "You don't do you?" "You lunk head, of course your my mate!" * * * Doyle's fingers trembled as he unlocked the door to his apartment. What was he doing asking Bodie back to his place? He almost stopped, almost told Bodie to go home, instead he opened up the door, and said "Come in, hope you don 't mind the mess." Bodie came into the apartment, and Doyle switched on the lights. The mercenary surveyed the room as if he was waiting for something to jump out at him. "What'd you have to drink?" Doyle asked. "I'll take a whiskey," Bodie said. Doyle went into the kitchen. poured a couple of large drinks, then went back into the sitting room. Bodie was standing by a table, he was holding a photo, touching it gently, tracing the lines of the face. the mercenary was totally absorbed with the photo. It was a photo of Kyle. It had taken Ray awhile, but he finally was beginning to know this man, and Kyle had been right, he was easy to love, too easy. He didn't know when he knew Bodie would have to say good bye to his brother before they could begin a relationship. Doyle wondered whether he should tell Bodie that he knew about him and Kyle, but the hurt Bodie had in his eyes when he talked about his lover, made Doyle realise what he should do. he put down the drinks, and walked over to him. "Why don't you take that home with you?" Bodie jumped as startled. "What do you mean?" "You don't have a photo of him do you?" Bodie looked up to Doyle, his sapphire eyes hollow. "You knew about me and Kyle." "We where twins, how could I not know?" He tried to sound casual. "Kyle never loved anyone the way he loved you, did you know that?" Bodie's hands began to shake. almost dropping the photo. Doyle took the photo from him, and put it down. Then he touched Bodie's cheek, and kissed him. Bodie pulled away from him, there where tears in his eyes. "I can't, it wouldn't be right." "Why wouldn't it?" "I can't give you what you want. I can't give you a commitment....it's been too soon." "I understand.....tomorrow we can go back to being friends," Doyle paused. "You need to be able to say good bye to Kyle. just for tonight, let me be him." Bodie looked at him for another second, then kissed him, this time it was a genteel kiss. growing in intensity. When he broke away for air, Bodie asked Doyle yet again. "Are you sure?" "I'm positive," Bodie kissed Doyle's battered cheekbone, then let his lips meet Doyle's. * That night, Bodie made slow love to Doyle. In his eyes, this was Kyle, his lover, the man that he made love to felt like Kyle, looked like Kyle, except for the cheekbone, that was different, like a badge that could tell them apart. They had been about to make love when Kyle had been killed. When Bodie came, he called Kyle's name. As soon as the come had wore off, he realised there was an empty feeling in his soul, Kyle was gone. he began to cry. Ray pulled him close, holding his partner as he cried. and soon, Bodie realised that Ray was crying too. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Bodie woke. He was in Ray's bed. He closed his eyes, it wasn't fair to use his partner the way he had. Ray wasn't Kyle, it wasn't right for him to use ray as a substitute for his dead twin, especially since he cared for Ray. Bodie could hear the buzzing of Doyle's electric razor. even that was different. Kyle had hated electric razors. "Decide to finally wake up?" Ray said, sitting down on top of the covers. "I usually don't sleep this hard," He was still tired. he covered himself up with the blankets. "Wake me in a couple of hours." "Sunshine, it's time for you to wake up." "What time is it?" "Eleven, Cowley wants us in his office after lunch." Cowley's orders, it figured. the man had barely let him have a day off in the year he was with CI5. "We better go then," Bodie sat up, he still didn't know what he should say to this man, he wanted to appoligize, tell him how much he wanted Ray no matter how much he looked like a dead brother. "Ray....." Ray touched Bodie's lips with his fingers, caressing them. "Don't say anything." But......" "Wanted you too," Ray paused. "Besides there's not just us to think about, you have Harry." "I have Harry." Bodie repeated. "The two of you live together. you would have to be blind not to see the closeness you share." "I've never slept with Harry." "Then you should, it's not fair to him to keep yourself from him." Bodie wanted to tell Doyle about Harry being his brother. Doyle of all people probably would understand, but he had Cowley's orders. no one was to know. He finally said. "Harry is straight as an arrow, he doesn't like blokes, trust me on this, he can't stand a man to touch him." "The two of you live together.," Ray reminded him. "Cowley doesn't trust me Ray," He looked away from the man, "Not that I blame him. Harry's there to make sure I don't do something mad like joining the Mafia." "You wouldn't do that!" a flash of loyality that surprised Bodie, but then there was alot about Ray that surprised him. He tried to act cold. "How do you know? There's a lot about me you don't know about." "You mean the massacre," "Before that. I was a street hustler," "You a hooker?" Ray couldn't keep the disbelief out of his voice. Bodie decided to tell his partner the truth. "Yes, not that I am very proud of it, one day my mother deserted my family, someone had to pay the bills. since I was the oldest......" "It fell on your shoulders. How old where you?" "I had just turned twelve," "Oh my god," Doyle gasped. "I've got a record, I have done things I'm not to proud of, Cowley has every reason not to trust me. If you don't believe me, next time we're in records, look me up." "I don't need too, that's just paper, your real, and my partner." Bodie was surprised about this sudden show of friendship. "And us?" "There is no us, what we had last night was wonderful, but it was just a one time thing." There was a long pause. "If you ever want me, I'm here for you." Bodie looked up to his partner, into his deep green eyes. "Thanks, I'll remember that." "If there ever is a next time, I want you to make love to me because I'm Ray Doyle, not a look alike for Kyle." There was edge to his voice that betrayed the pain he must have felt. "Understood," "Do you remember me telling you about Angela?" She was the girl Doyle had dated before this assignment. "What about her?" "She's got this friend...." "Male or female?" "Female, you twat," Ray reached out and ruffled Bodie's hair. " She has been bugging me to fix her up with someone." "You thought of me." "Sure, why not? We could double date." Double date, perhaps that would get Bodie's mind of his partner, he smiled. "That sounds like a great idea." "Wonderful." Ray smiled, showing his broken tooth. "You better get a shower, remember we've got to see Cowley. * * * Ray Doyle couldn't get that night out of his mind. The way Bodie had touched him, caressed him. The way Bodie's face looked as he came. He wanted to get that feeling back again. He knew he would never get it, not as long as Bodie morned for Ray's dead brother. It became quite common for them to double date, usually the date would end with them taking the girls back to Ray's apartment. All of them tumbling onto Ray's queen sized bed. It was quite a turn on to watch Bodie make love to a woman. Ray would try to imagine that girl was him. They would switch girls while having sex. As he made love to the girl, he could feel Bodie's dark eyes watching him. The night before, it had been different. After the sex, they had all fallen asleep. Ray had woke, to the caresses of Bodie, running his hands over his body, it felt good, very good. He could feel Bodie's hardness against his body. Ray turned over, his lips met his partners. Blind sex was what Bodie called his making love to their dates, sex without words, sex without feelings towards the other. But this was different, Bodie made slow gentle love to Ray. Giving him what he deseired most. As he came, Bodie cried Ray's name afterwards, Bodie had gotten out of bed, dressed, and without a look back, he left. Leaving Ray alone, aching for his partner, his lover. * * * The next day, Bodie called in sick for work. Even though Ray knew damned well t hat his partner wasn't ill. Doyle didn't know what made him pull out Bodie's folder the day he was gone. Perhaps it was what Bodie had told him about his record. He had to be sure that Bodie wasn't a terrible monster. Yes, the record might only be a piece of paper, but if his partner was a drug addict or something, Doyle wanted to know. He found the juvenile records. Bodie first arrest was when he was twelve, for solicitation, and for the endangerment of a child. There was an attached several forms form social workers explaining the condition of the house he had lived in. How him and his twin Shamus had take to solicitation to care f or their younger brothers and sisters, who had been deserted by their prositute mother. There was an arrest photo, Bodie had been a thin, big eyed child. His skin was too pale, his vast eyes already hard. He had seen that look before by the street urchins he saw has a copper. A lump grew in his throat. Bodie had gone through hell as a child. Just then Harry Penhalligan came into the dungeon, Doyle quickly shut the file a nd put it back into the cabinet. "Hello Ray," Harry was too chipper for his own good. "Bodie's not here," Ray said. "I can see that,' Harry sighed. "I'm not your enemy Ray." "I know, sorry." "Bodie asked me to come by, he wanted to know if you wanted to eat dinner with us," "Oh he did, did he?" "He thought it was about time for you to meet his brother," That was something Bodie had never done, introduced him to his little brother. Doyle was curious about that, so he said. "What time would you like me to arrive?" * * * Ray found that it was easier to get from the car park to the apartment was by the kitchen. He found Harry cooking. "Hello Ray," "What are you cooking?" He asked. "It's a surprise." A kid stood in the door way, he had black hair, and dark eyes, looking so much like a young Bodie. He was dressed entirely in black. "I'm Lars, it's good to meet you." "Ray Doyle." Lars looked at Harry, "When will dinner be ready?" "Fifteen minutes," Harry told him. "I'm starving,' The boy complained. "You poor thing," Harry said sarcastically. "Where's Bodie... I mean William," Ray asked. "I'll go get him," Lars volunteered. He left the room. A few moments later, Bodie came into the kitchen. "What are you doing here Ray?" "I invited him to dinner," Harry answered before Ray could. "You don't mind, do you?" "No," Bodie said. "Care for a drink Ray?" "All right," Doyle followed Bodie into the sitting room. There was classical music playing in the background. Bodie walked over to the sideboard and poured two glasses of wine. He handed one to Ray. "I always found that wine made the evening." "I didn't know Harry could cook," Ray said. "He used to be a chef," Bodie looked into his eyes, he couldn't mask the desire written in his eyes. Doyle looked away, he knew that Bodie didn't desire him the way he desired Bodie. Besides, when Bodie looked at him, he thought of Kyle. He never gave any indication after that night they had made love that he wanted Doyle. The room's lighting brought out the contrast between Bodie's pale skin and dark hair, his skin was almost luminous. Bodie was devastatingly sexy. Doyle found himself getting aroused. Bodie had said more then enough the night before, when he had walked out. "Is there something wrong with the wine?" Bodie asked. "It's delicious," Nervous, ray gulped down the wine. "I'll go see what's happening with dinner," Bodie left the room, a few moments later, he returned. "Dinners on the table, but Lars and Harry are gone," "What happened to them?" "I don't know," Bodie paused. "I think Harry's trying to set us up." "Are you sure that you don't know nothing about this?" Ray asked. "Ray, I don't use the stealth approach when I go after someone that I want," Bodie seemed to be hunting for words. "If I want someone, I come out and tell them," Ray decided to say something. "It would be a shame to let all this good food go to waste,"He followed his partner into the dining room. As they ate, Doyle was struck again desirable Bodie was, how much he wanted his partner. "I think the best thing that happened to me when I joined CI5 was meeting you," Bodie said after they ate. They where sitting on the settee, drinking more wine. "Do you think so?" Doyle asked. "Don't you?" Bodie's eyes where black with desire. Bodie's eyes frightened Doyle. "Last night.......I can't go though that again." His partner looked away from him. "I'm sorry I left, I was scared," "You afraid?" Ray scoffed. After a very long pause. "I was afraid that if I gave myself to you, that you'd leave me too." "Kyle didn't leave you," ray pointed out. "He's gone, he died because of me.....If I had been able to keep my pecker t o myself, your brother would still be alive." "You don't know that," "I do....I was there when he died," Bodie said. "If we had done what we had been assigned, he would still be alive. Our not following orders got us killed." Ray decided to ask the one thing that had really been bothering him. "I have a question, when you look at me, do you see me, or do you see Kyle?" "I know your Kyle's twin, but now that I've gotten to know you, I think of you as Ray Doyle. Besides your looks, your really nothing like him." Bodie admitted. "You have as much in common with your brother as me and Lars have in common, which is not a whole lot." "So, if we decide to make our friendship into something more then a freindship, it won't be because of my resemblence to Kyle?" Ray had to be sure, "I can't live my life soley as a subistute for something you can't have." "If there is anything between us, it will because your Ray Doyle, your my mate, I care for you a lot " Bodie paused, looking for words. "I can't give myself fully to you, it wouldn't be fair, but I would like a relationship" "You don't have to give yourself fully to me, I don't want that, I still like girls," If they where going to be honest, then so be it, Ray decided to be blunt. "Can't we have *something* together without you leaving in the morning?" "I'm sorry, last night was so intense, that I had to go off and think about it, think if it was right.Can we promise not to fling our fling in front of the other?" There was pain in Bodie's voice, Ray realised that Bodie had left because he was afraid. "All right," Ray kissed Bodie. They kissed for a long while, Ray eased Bodie down onto a settee until he was lying on top of him. Ray could feel Bodie's hardness against him. Ray found himself grow hard. "Should we go into the bedroom?" Bodie asked. "The bedroom?" Ray breathed. "Please believe me, I want you, for you, not because you look like someone," "Are you sure?" Ray asked. "I'm positive." "Then let's go." Ray said. Bodie got off of him, then he led Doyle to the bedroom. He kissed Ray and pulled him down to the bed. Doyle didn't know it then, but his life would change forever.