Time: Fall 2006
Author: Sentaikat aka Kyoko Godaikun
Authors email: Kyoko_godaikun@yahoo.com
Archiving: Do not archive without express permission from the author.
KAT-TUN were in Osaka, filming a special version of Shonnen club. Junno and Ueda were sharing a hotel room. The filming was the next day; Akanishi Jin had decided to have a party. The excuse was a good one. Everyone was in need of a good party, and KAT-TUN was friends with most of the Kanjani 8 guys.
Taguchi Junnosuke was running around getting ready for the party. He looked exceptionally good. At least that was what Ueda Tatsuya thought. He had a one sided love for Junno. Even to the point of writing a song about him. He realized that was the problem with falling for someone who was straight. Someone who had dated so many girls he had gotten into trouble with the agency. He knew that they would never get together. Still, Ueda was happy being friends with Junno.
"Are you going to the party?" Junno asked the leader of KAT-TUN as he brushed his hair.
"Why should I?" Ueda asked. "I really don't like hanging with the Kanjani 8 guys."
"You mean Nishikido Ryo." Junno picked up his sapphire silk shirt and put it on. "I don't think he'll be there."
"What about you? Will you be there?"
. "Of course I'll be at the party." Junno gave him a sly, seductive smile. The kind that made Ueda want to drag him to the bed and make slow love to him. "Come on Tat-Chan, you have to come."
"All right," he lied. They both knew that Ueda wouldn't go to the party. There would be someone there that he wanted to avoid. Instead, he had all ready planed to study his English books. Junno was teasing again; it seemed as if his friend always teased him. But lately he had teased about a relationship between the two.
"Then it will be like a date." Junno teased.
"All right," Ueda pretended to tease back, but in reality, he wished it was a date.
"I can't wait to see their faces when we arrive together." Junno's face lit up. "I wonder what they'll say."
"Jin will probably say something silly."
"You're right, he will. I have half a mind to kiss you in front of him." Junno grinned. He began to babble about Ueda being his first date with a man.
Ueda wanted to tell Junno to stop kidding around, that the teasing about the relationship was really hurting him. But to do that, he would have to reveal his one sided love for his friend. He couldn’t tell Junno the truth. Instead, he would have to go on pretending that he didn't mind Junno's playing.
*He likes girls.* Ueda reminded himself. *He's straight.*
Ueda went to his suitcase that was sitting on the dresser and began to pick out clothes. He plastered on a fake grin. "It might take me some time to get ready. Why don't you go ahead and go?"
"I don't mind waiting." Junno took out his cologne and sprayed some on. Ueda loved the scent on Junno. When Ueda didn't answer, Junno asked. "Tat-Chan?"
"I was just thinking of what I want to wear. If I'm on your arm, I want to look good." He was getting tired of playing." I want to surprise you."
"All right, a surprise." Junno smile grew wider. He went to Ueda and kissed him very gently on the lips. "I'll see you in a few minutes."
"Later," Ueda watched as Junno left. It really seemed to him that Junno liked him. He closed his eyes for a second. He was reading too much into their friendship. Junno was just a friend, nothing more. *Junno likes girls.* He reminded himself yet again. *I love you, my butterfly.*
. *Why can't it be a real date?* Ueda reached up and touched his lips. Junno had kissed him. Why did he have to kiss him? Ueda shut the lid to his suitcase. It would be a long, lonely night.
The party was in full swing when Junno arrived. He wished that Ueda had let him wait. He didn't like arriving at a party before his date. He smiled inwardly. Ueda had finally agreed to have a date with him. Ueda had become more then just a friend to Junno. It excited him to know that Ueda at least wanted to date him. He had kissed Ueda, it had been fleeting, but he wanted more of it.
Ueda seemed to know Junno better then he knew himself. The friends had talked about Junno's dating girls and growing feeling that he wasn't really happy with them. Loving a woman had become a chore to Junno, one that he had begun to avoid. Ueda had kidded that perhaps he really didn't like girls. Ueda's words had an effect on Junno. He realized he was only going out with girls, because that was what was expected of him. He was not really attracted to any of them. When Junno started to listen to his heart instead of his head, he realized that he was attracted to guys. The one that Junno had fallen for had large sensuous lips. Lips that were even softer then he had imagined.
Very slowly Junno had come out of the closet. It had surprised him when his mother told him that she had always knew. It had been hard telling his friends that he was gay. Ueda was the only one that he hadn't told. But Ueda knew him so well; Junno didn't feel he had to.
As the time stretched into almost an hour, Junno realized that there was something wrong. The music in the room was giving him a headache. Jin had picked some American Rap artist to play. He had chosen to play the CD as loud as stereo would go. The room was cramped with people.
A heavy curtain of smoke hung in the air. Everyone who could smoke seemed to be smoking. It was a way that Johnny's rebelled. Smoking was forbidden, so everyone smoked. If it had been permitted, then he knew that most of the Johnny's would stop. Still, Junno rebelled in his own way, he didn't smoke.
Junno sipped on his beer. He had been nursing the same one for the past hour. He spent his time walking around the room, talking to various Johnny's. Still Junno kept an eye on the door. He couldn't wait to see his first sight of Ueda.
Junno watched Jin and Kame. Both belonged to others, but where acting as if they were the only ones in the room. . They had sold themselves to different members of management to further their careers. Junno really didn't like the pair. Especially Kame, whom had used to be his best friend. Junno had been molested by the man who became Kame's PM. Then one day, Junno found that Kame had betrayed him. Kame had begun to willingly go out with the PM. Junno ended their friendship that day. Now they were only collogues that worked together.
In the hour Junno waited, his mood changed from happiness to depression. He realized that he wouldn't have a date with Ueda. The kiss they shared would be their only kiss.
“Looking for Ueda?” Maru asked.
"I can't believe he wouldn't show up for our date." He said almost morosely.
"You asked him to go to a party as a first date?" Maru asked unbelieving. "No wonder he didn't show. It isn't very romantic."
“I know.” He tried to sound like it didn’t bother him. He decided to change the subject. He nodded Nishikido Ryo of Kanjani 8. "Tat-Chan tries to avoid him."
"Yeah, Ryo-kun can be a pain sometimes." Maru agreed. "Do you think he likes you?"
"Ryo-kun?" Junno asked confused.
"Tat-Chan, you baka."
"I did for a while," Junno admitted. "I really thought he wanted to go out with me."
"Why don't you call him?" Maru suggested. "You might talk him into coming."
Junno went into the hallway, he dialed Ueda’s number. He could feel his stomach flip flop as he waited for Ueda to answer. He was more nervous calling Ueda then he had been the first time he had appeared on stage.
Ueda finally answered the phone. “What is it?”
“Tat-Chan, please come to the party.” Junno said in a rush.
“Is Nishikido-kun’s there?” His leader asked him.
"Yes, he is." Junno said truthfully.
"I don't know." Ueda sounded unsure.
"We don't have to stay at the party." He tempted. "The hotel has a nice restaurant. We could have dinner together, then perhaps some dancing."
"You mean a date." Ueda said softly. "A real date, not going out as friends."
"I meant as boyfriends." Junno told him. "I did ask you out."
"I thought you were only teasing." He still sounded unsure.
"I never tease about love." Junno said softly.
There was a very long pause, which made Junno wonder if Ueda was still there, then he said. “Give me ten minute’s to get ready.”
Junno put up his ketai and returned to the party. Maru smiled. “Well?”
“He’ll be here.” Junno found himself grinning. Ueda would be there. They would have their first date. "We're not going to stay; we're going to visit the hotel's restaurant."
“See, I told you. He’d go anywhere if you asked.” His friend teased.
“I wouldn’t go that far.” He went to the drinks table, and picked up a beer. He couldn't help but overhear Nishikido Ryo talking to his friends.
“Hey, Jin, did you invite the girl your party?” he heard Ryo ask. The Kanjani 8 member was drunk.
“What girl is that?” Jin put his arm around Kame's shoulders.
“You know, Ueda-Chan.” Ryo laughed. “First girl that Johnny ever let join the agency.”
Other Johnny's began to laugh. Jin looked embarrassed. Kame grabbed his arm and led him away. They went to a corner and began to talk. That angered Junno. Ueda was their friend, their leader. They should stick up for him. Instead they had allowed Ryo to mock Ueda.
"He's a weirdo!" Shota agreed.
"Fish lips!" Yu cackled.
"He's only in the agency because he slept with Kame's PM!" Ryo cackled. "Big fish lips girl!"
Junno was sick and tired of Ryo. He decided since no one would defend Ueda, he would have to. He went to Ryo. “Stop talking about Ueda.”
“Why?” Ryo countered. “Ueda gives the whole agency a bad name! He doesn’t even have any real friends.”
“That’s not true! He has many friends.” Junno insisted.
“Not real friends!" Ryo countered. "Does he spend any time with you when you’re not working?”
“Ryo, that’s enough.” Maruyuma ordered.
“I’m only telling the truth!’ Ryo countered. “First he imitated Gackt for years, now he’s trying to be Hyde!”
“He’s his own man!” Junno insisted.
“He’s only a carbon copy of whom ever he’s got a crush on!” He said smugly.
Ryo’s attitude got on Junno’s nerves. He found himself punching Ryo. . Ryo fought back, but Junno was sober. It was easy for Junno to overpower him. The man was a monster who had made his friend's life miserable. He found himself hitting Ryo over and over again.
He could feel Koki and Jin pulling him off of Ryo. Subaru and Shingo pulled Ryo away from him.
“Why do you defend him?” Ryo sneered. “He’s the type that no one could love.”
“You’re wrong! I love him!” Junno shouted.
"You're not gay!" Ryo shouted back.
"I'm gay, and I love Ueda!' He realized that everyone was watching.
"How can you love someone as strange as him?"
"What do you know about love?" Junno bellowed. "Your boy friend was kicked out of the agency, and now you act as if he died!"
"That isn't how it is!" Ryo shouted. "Leave Ucchi out of this!"
Just then, Ueda entered the room. He looked over Junno and Ryo. “What’s going on?”
"Ueda-kun, you're going to have to deal with Taguichi-kun." The leader of Kanjani 8 told him. "Taguchi-kun attacked Ryo-Chan."
Ueda spun to face Junno. "Is that true?"
"Yes, I hit him." Junno admitted. "But he was saying...."
"Shut up!" Ueda snapped. He went to Junno and hit him hard across the face. “You will apologize to Nishikido-kun.”
Junno’s face hurt. He could feel the sting of frustrated tears. “I can’t do that.”
"You have to apologize!" Ueda demanded. "You dishonored the group by fighting!"
"I will never apologize to Ryo-kun." He vowed.
“Then I can never forgive you.” Gone was the loveable Tat-Chan he had fallen in love with.
“What should we do with him?” Koki asked.
“Take him to our room.” Ueda ordered.
"Tat-Chan," Junno reminded him. "We have a date."
"We will never have a date." Ueda's eyes were cold, harsh. "I thought you where different, but you're just as much as a bully as Nishikido-kun is. I can't stand bullies that pick on other people."
"Please Tat-Chan, listen to me." Junno begged.
"Get him out of here," Ueda told Koki and Jin.
Junno let himself be led out of the room. He felt his heart breaking. His relationship with Ueda was over before it really started.
The party ended soon after Junno had been thrown out. Ueda went to Maru's room to calm down. They talked about just anything except the party. Maru had a way of making Ueda relax with just a few jokes.
Twenty minutes passed and Koki had yet to return to the room. Ueda decided to bring up a subject that had been puzzling him for some time. Koki and Maru were more then friends, but not quite lovers. It seemed as if the entire agency knew the two friends were in love. Everyone knew except for Koki and Maru.
"Why haven't you and Koki gotten together?" Ueda asked him.
Maru's face lit up at the mention of Koki. "We are he's my best friend."
"I mean as lovers, not just friends."
"I will never be his lover." Maru's face fell. . "I have to make myself happy just being his friend."
"Do you love him?"
"How can I not love Koki? He's the other half of my soul. Every day I spend with him, makes me love him even more." Suddenly Maru looked very sad. Then he looked around as if afraid he would be heard. "Please Tat-Chan, don't tell him."
"I don't understand. Koki's in love with you."
"No, I'm just a friend to him." Maru suddenly sounded heartbroken. "I would give anything to wake in Koki's arms, and him tell me he love me. But that will never happen."
"Have you told him?"
"How could I?" Maru looked close to tears. "I don't even want to think of what would happen if he found out."
'But you’re miserable."
"I would rather be like this, with my one sided love." a tear rolled down his cheek. "If Koki knew the truth, he might stop being my friend. I can't live without him. You wouldn't know how it's like. To love someone with all your soul and know he doesn't care for you.""
"I do, that's how I feel about Junno." Ueda confessed.
Tanaka Koki came into the room. Maru's face lit up at the sight of his friend. He sat down on the bed beside Maru. He was sitting very close, but not touching. The look on Koki's face made Ueda realize that he had heard what Maru had said. Maru wondered if things would be different in the morning. Ueda hoped so. The two deserved happiness.
"How's Junno?" Maru asked concerned.
"What do you expect? He's heart broken." Koki looked Ueda up and down. He didn't seem too pleased to see Ueda in his hotel room. "He's been hurt badly."
"There's no reason for him to be hurt." Ueda tried to sound harsh.
"The man he's in love with slapped him in front of everyone." Koki countered. "Did you really think he's happy?"
"He doesn't love me." Ueda said firmly. "Junno's straight. He dates girls."
Koki looked at Ueda. "Junno's gay. He came out to us a few weeks ago."
"I don’t' believe you. If Junno was really gay he would have told me." Ueda insisted. "He knows I would understand."
"Junno told me that he thought you knew." Maru leaned into Koki. His friend put his hand on his leg.
"How would I know if he didn't tell me?" he said exasperated. “It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s no better then Nishikido-kun.”
"You wouldn’t say that if you knew the whole truth about his fight with Nishikido-kun." Koki said firmly.
"What kind of truth is that?" he was tired of talking about Junno. It wasn't making his hurting heart feel any better.
“Ryo and some of the other K8 guys were making fun of you.” Koki told him. “Jin and Kame walked away from them. They didn’t say anything in your defense.”
“But Junno did.” Maru continued. “He told Nishikido to stop, and when Nishikido wouldn’t. Junno hit him.”
"He defended me." Ueda realized. "Why would he do something like that?"
"Because Junno's in love with you." Maru smiled. "At least that's what he shouted out to the entire party."
“He loves me,” the words hit Ueda like a fist.
“Junno isn’t good fighting.” Koki reminded him. “But he didn’t care what happened to him. He had to defend you.”
"I told him I'd never forgive him." he said sadly.
"If you care for him, go to him." Maru told him. "He needs you right now."
Ueda left. He stood by the door for a moment, and he could hear Koki say. "Come here Yu-cha, there's something important I have to talk to you about."
Ueda smiled. His friends would be together. He took out his key and went to his hotel room. He hoped that everything would work out for Koki and Junno.
As soon as Junno finally got Koki to leave he had crawled into his hotel room's bath tub. It was a very large bathtub, big enough for at least three people. It was a good place to hide. No one would think of looking for him in a tub. He pulled the curtains so that no one would see him. He used to hide in the bathroom a lot back in the early days. He would come in after being abused by Kame's PM.
Junno wanted to hide from the memories of the party. His friend’s words had hurt more then anything any abuse by Kame's PM. He wanted to go back to the time right before the party. He would have done things differently. He would have insisted on staying with Ueda instead of leaving him.
Junno knew too much had happened to save the new affair. His relationship with Ueda had changed forever. He didn't stop the tears that fell down his face.
In interview after interview, various Johnny's had called Junno boring. Junno knew that he was very boring. He had always concentrated on the group. He had almost given up all outside interests to work hard. He knew that he would never be one of the two tops. They needed strong support, and Junno would be that support. He had never been given any gratitude for his efforts. Only mocking laughter for having no personality.
Ueda had been different. He had always laughed at Junno's jokes. He had a way of smiling at Junno that made him feel as if he was the only person in the room. Ueda had always thanked Junno for his hard work. He had been the one that brought bentos to the dance studio when Junno had decided that he needed to stay hours afterwards perfecting his dance. Junno and Ueda had spent so much time together in their private life that Junno had believed that Ueda would always be at his side.
As Junno sat in the tub, he realized that he had read too much into the relationship. That's why Ueda didn't take his asking him out for a date seriously. They were friends, nothing else. . He should have known that someone as wonderful as Ueda wouldn't like him. It made Junno's heart hurt.
He heard the door knob rattle, Junno ignored it. All he wanted was to be left alone. There was knocking on the door, but that too Junno ignored.
After a few minutes He could hear someone picking the lock. He knew it had to be Ueda. His friend was the only one he knew that had the talent to pick locks.
Junno pulled the curtain on the shower. He wanted to hide from Ueda, but he heard the door open. Then someone came into the room.
"Junnosuke, I know you're in here." Ueda had always called him Junnosuke, it made Junno feel special.
"I need some time to think." Junno wiped the tears from his face.
“I wanted to thank you Junnosuke, for defending me.” Ueda’s voice was very soft. “Maru told me what happened. Nishikido was making fun of me again.”
“Did Maru tell you everything?” Junno fought back more tears.
“What if he did?” Ueda opened the curtains. He got into the bathtub beside him. The same way he used to, back when they were younger. Junno had to move over to let him in.
"I feel so ashamed." He said softly. "I don't usually fight others."
"I never thought anyone would defend me against that jerk, but you did." He took Junno into his arms. "You're my story book prince who came to rescue me. No I lie; you're much better looking then a prince."
Junno realized that Ueda had forgiven him. "No one's ever called me a prince before."
Ueda decided to change the subject. "When did you realize you were gay?"
"This is all your fault." he snuggled against Ueda. . "When you asked me if I was happy with girls, I realized that perhaps I wasn't. Perhaps I never really liked them."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought you knew." Junno's heart didn't hurt so much when Ueda held him. He realized that perhaps they might be able to be friends again.
"How could I know that?" Ueda sounded upset. "I had a one sided love for you for two years. I hid it because you were straight! If I knew the truth, I would have told you my feelings. Instead of writing song after song about you. You do know I wrote Butterfly about you?"
"You love me." Junno realized
"Don't you know my butterfly?" Ueda kissed Junno very gently on the lips. "I'm in love with you."
"Tat-Chan," Junno breathed. Suddenly everything seemed all right. Ueda loved him. "I love you too."
Note: Thanks so much for reading this! , this story took longer to finish then I planned because Koki and Maru tried to take over the story. I'm writing one now that will take place at the same time as this one.
Again, thanks so much for reading my story.