Title: Just to Be Close To You Part One

Author: Kyoko_godaikun aka sentaikat
Pairing: KenxGo
Genre: angst
Rating: Yaoi

Summary: There is something wrong with Ken. Something that could destroy V6

 

Ken had a headache. He could never get used to the headaches. The pain that made his head feel as there was as balloon inside that was trying to expand within his skull. The headaches had first been every once in a while, then every week, now every day. He still took the medicines that the doctors gave him. They where supposed to take away the pain. The medicines had stopped working weeks before.

The pain made Ken want to crawl up in bed, with a pillow over his head. But he couldn't. He was a Johnny's. He wasn't allowed the luxury of rest. Instead he had to work. If he was very, very lucky he got to rest in a corner somewhere. Ken wanted to quit. He wanted to do what the doctors asked him to. To spend the remaining weeks of his life doing something he wanted, instead of this.

But the agency had been clear, V6 would be broken up if Ken quit. So he continued for the fans, for his friends. For the one he loved, though his friend didn't love him.

Kenís vision had become affected, no longer was he able to read. The print looked like a large blur. He was supposed to be studying a script. But he couldn't. Instead, he lay on the dressing room couch, the script over his head. Trying to get the pain to go away.

Soon very soon Ken knew he wouldn't be able to fake being well. He knew he should quit the group. That it wasn't fair on the others to have someone as sick as him. One that if he was very lucky could survive till the end of the year.

"Oh look; Ken-Ken's hung over again." Morita said sarcastically. He kicked the couch Ken was resting on. That made Ken groan in pain.

"He's not hung over." Sakamoto told him. Everyone in the group except for Morita knew about the tumor that was taking over Ken's brain. The tumor that would eventually kill him.

Morita pulled the script away from Ken's head. "Wake up baka!"

"I am awake," Ken groaned.

"What did you drink last night?" Morita demanded.

"Nothing,"

A staff member came into the room and told them that they were due at rehearsal in five minutes. Sakamoto thanked her and she left.

Ken had to get up. He sat up, and the whole room began to spin. He grabbed the trash can he had put beside the couch. He threw up in it. He was now throwing up almost every time he went from a laying position to an upright one.

"See, I told you he's hung over!" Morita said.

Sakamoto knelt in front of him. "Are you sure you're up to this?"

"We can't disappoint our fans." Ken reminded him.

"Do you need help up?" Sakamoto asked.

"Yeah,Ē Ken groaned.

Sakamoto called Okada over. The two of them helped Ken get to his feet.

"Have you learned the script?" Nagano asked him.

"I can't read anymore." Ken admitted.

"Oh no," Innochi said. "How long has it been since you couldn't read?"

"A few days, perhaps a week." Ken couldn't hide his embarisment.

"What the hell is going on?" Morita asked. "What's wrong with Ken?"

"I have a brain tumor." Ken admitted.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Morita sounded angry very angry. "Everyone else knows! Why couldn't you trust me to tell me?"

"How can you tell someone that you love more then your life, that you're dying?" Ken realized he just told the entire group that he loved Morita. He turned away from Morita. He hadn't planned to tell Morita his feelings. He knew that Morita didn't like him that way.

"We need to get to rehearsal," Sakamoto reminded him. "Can you walk?"

"I think so," Ken said. His friend's let go of him. Ken took a few steps before almost falling again.

He was surprised when Morita caught him. "Come on Ken-Chan, let's go to rehearsal together."

****************************

Morita walked with Ken to the stage. He had been so hard on Ken in the past few weeks. He had thought that all the headaches were hang over. Instead, they were because of a tumor. Ken, wonderful Ken was dying.

"Listen Ken I'll take your lines." Morita whispered to him.

"Are you sure?" Ken asked.

"I've all ready learned them." Morita pulled Ken into a disused room and locked the door. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

"It's all right, you didn't know." Ken said softly. "What's wrong?"

"I just wanted you to know that I love you too." Morita told him.

Ken looked into his eyes. "Gotsun,"

"I'll stay by your side, no matter what happens," Morita promised. He knew that this wasn't a good time to tell Ken, but he had to let his friend know he wasn't alone.

A tear rolled down Kens' cheek. Morita reached out, wiping the tear from his friend's cheek. Ken took his friend's hand in his and kissed the palm. "I wish I wasn't dying. I want so much for you to hold me."

Morita took Ken into his arms and kissed him. Ken sighed and gave into the kiss. Ken loved him, really loved him. Ken was too sick to make love. But Morita wanted to give to him. He sank to his knees. "Please Ken; let me love you this way."

Ken nodded. Morita used his teeth to unbuckle Ken's jeans, and then he unfastened his jeans, and using only his mouth, pulled the zipper down. Ken helped him by pulling down his jeans and shorts.

Morita stroked the inside of ken's legs with his fingertips. Ken very quickly grew hard. Then Morita began to lick Ken up and down like an ice cream cone. Finally Morita took Ken whole in his mouth. Ken gasped and arched back onto the table behind him. Morita looked up to his lover. His beautiful, wonderful Ken. He concentrated on Ken's needs. Ken's fingers got lost in Morita's hair. Ken began to gasp with every movement of Morita's mouth. Then suddenly Ken gave a high pitched cry and filled Morita's mouth.

Morita got to his feet; he helped Ken put his jeans back on.

"Go-Chan, what about your need?" Ken asked.

"Donít' worry about that."

"Please let me love you with my hand." Ken's hand went to the front of Morita's jeans. His hand dipped inside and began to stroke Morita's hardness.

Morita put his arms around Ken, and he kissed him passionately. They kissed as Ken loved him. Then Kens' lips went to Morita's neck. He began to suck and bite. There would be a mark, but Morita didn't care. All he could think about was belonging to Ken.

Morita came, filling his friendís hand. Ken pulled the hand out of Morita's jeans, and then cleaned himself with his lips.

"When you're well, I'm going to spend a week in bed with you." Morita lied. They both knew he was lying.

"I can't wait." Ken grew dizzy for a moment. Morita steadied him. "We better get to practice."

*************************

The pair arrived late for practice. Sakamoto glared at them as he saw the love bite on Morita's neck. He was shaking with anger. He snapped at Ken to go with the rest and practice.

Sakamoto grabbed Morita and pulled him to the side. "What the hell did you do to Ken?"

"Nothing," Morita lied.

"He's dying and you took advantage of him!" He thundered.

"He wanted it." Morita told him. "What we did was love. Did you really want him not to have love simply because he's sick?"

"Of course not." Sakamoto said. "Next time, don't be late to rehearsal."

"Yes leader." Morita joined the rest of the group.

V6 had always prided themselves on their performance. Their dancing was always perfect. Ken had to stop during Take Me Higher, a routine he could usually do in his sleep.

"What's wrong?" Morita asked concerned.

"I forgot the routine." He admitted.

"Just follow me." Morita told him.

The practice started up again. Ken stumbled around the routine. V6 was no longer perfect. Everyone else ignored it. Ken was trying his very hardest. Then the part came were Ken was supposed to do a handspring and a back flip. Morita moved to stop him, but he was too late. Ken had launched into his back flip. He crashed to the ground, unmoving.

"Ken!" Morita screamed. He knelt beside his friend. Ken was barely breathing. He could hear Sakamoto calling for help.

"Go?" Ken asked weakly. "Where are you?"

Morita took his hand. "I'm right here."

"I love you," Then Kens' eyes flickered shut.

Finally the ambulance arrived. A paramedic asked. "Does anyone know what's wrong with him?"

"He has a brain tumor." Sakamoto told him.

"Please get away from him, so we can treat him." The paramedic told Morita.

"I have to stay with him." Morita told him.

It took all of Tonisen to pull Morita away from Ken. Morita tried to struggle against the others, but they were too strong.

Helpless, Morita watched as Ken was put on a stretcher and wheeled out of the practice room.

A staff member told the group that they had been ordered to continue.

Morita looked at Sakamoto. "I'm going to the hospital. You can have me fired if you want."

"No, we'll all go." Sakamoto took his ketai out and began to make calls. Soon the staff memberís phone was ringing.

Morita ran out of the hall and into the street. He was able to hail a taxi. He had to get to the hospital. He no longer cared if he would be punished or not. Ken needed him.

****************************

Ken woke, he felt embarrassed. He had blacked out again. He could hear loud clacking. His head was being held down by something. He opened his eyes. He realized he was being given an MRI.

He tried to move, but a voice came over the intercom. "Miyake-kun, you need to stay still."

Ken had always been alone. The tests always made him feel even more alone. Like he was the only one in the world. But not now. Ken did what he was told to do. He thought of Morita, the way his friend touched him, kissed him. Told him he was loved. Ken was no longer alone.

He was undergoing the usual battery of tests. The ones he had several times since the tumor had been diagnosed. His mother went with him to the tests. No Johnny's staff, no V6 members. As always he was alone.

After the last test, Ken was taken to a private hospital room. That was the only thing he liked about being famous, the private hospital rooms. It was bad enough in the hallways with other patients taking photos of him.

"What do you want me to tell your friends?" Takashi-san asked. Since Ken's mother had remarried, she had a different family name then Ken.

"I have friends waiting for me?" Ken couldn't believe his ears.

"Well, Tonisen, Okada and this short guy who is getting on all of their nerves." Takashi-san smiled.

Ken couldn't help but smile. "What's Gotsun doing?"

"He's pacing a path in the waiting room. Sakamoto told me that he's done at least a marathon."

"He does that when he worries." Ken told her.

"Heís also run out of cigarettes." Her smile grew wider. "He's chain smoked two packs."

"Can you let me see him?"

"You've always had a strange taste in boy friends." She told him. "Mabo, Ryo, Tanaka Koki. Why do all your boy friends have to be bad asses?"

Ken laughed at his mother. "Mom!"

"I know, I know none of my business." She waved her hand. "But I think that Morita-kun's the best of the bunch. He's a keeper." With that, his mother left the room.

*A keeper,* Ken thought. *If only I had fallen for him before all of this happened.*

It seemed like seconds passed until Morita came into the room. He had been running.

"I'm sorry for making you worry." Ken told his friend.

Morita took his hand in his. "No, its okay, you didn't make me worry."

Morita was lying, Ken knew it. But he also knew that Morita would be damned before he admitted to worrying.

"I've always hated the tests," Ken told him. "Before, they made me feel lonely."

"Before what?"

"Before you told me you loved me." Ken admitted. "All I had to do was think of you, and I felt stronger."

Morita smiled a smile in all their years of friendship Ken had never seen. It lit up Morita's face, even spreading to his eyes.

The doctor came into the room. He looked at Morita, then at Ken. "Who is this?"

"This is Morita Go," Ken Introduced. "He's my friend."

"Do you want him to be here when I tell you the results of the tests?"

Ken looked at Morita. He wanted to ask his friend to stay, but he was afraid. Morita squeezed Ken's hand.

Then Morita looked at the doctor. "I am going to stay."

The doctor put the ct results on the X ray screen and turned them on. "This was Miyake-kun's tumor two months ago." He exchanged it with another. "This is the tumor today. As you can see, the tumor's almost doubled."

"What will happen now?" Morita asked.

"Miyake-kun has refused surgery so far."

"Why Ken?" Morita demanded.

"I'll have scars. Idols can't have scars on their head." Ken looked away from his friend.

"How long does he have if he doesn't have the surgery?"

"He'll be lucky if he can live two weeks."

"Ken you have to have the surgery." Morita's grip on his hand grew almost to the point that it hurt. "Scars don't matter if you're alive."

"There's another choice," The doctor said. "It had more risks."

"What's that?" Ken asked.

'There's an experimental surgery that is being done by a doctor at this hospital. It doesn't cut the skull; instead it goes through the eye socket." The doctor said.

"What are the risks?" Ken asked.

"Over half the patients that have the surgery lose their sight."

"Is there anyone that hasnít' gone blind?" Ken asked.

"To save your life, you have to have the surgery." Morita told him. "Don't worry about the side effects, just do it."

Ken looked up to Ken. "Can you love a blind man?"

"Of course I can!" Morita told him.

Ken turned to the doctor. "I'll have the surgery."

*********************************

It had been four days since the surgery. Ken was still unconscious. It was a chemical induced coma, to let his brain heal. The front of Ken's face was covered in bandages. His eyes completely covered.

Morita talked to the unconscious Ken. Telling him everything and nothing. Every once in a while, Ken would move a little bit. So he knew that Ken must be hearing him. He told Ken about the grandfather who helped raise him. The man was the only father figure in Morita's life until his mother had remarried. He hadn't spoken to many people about his grandfather. But he told Ken.

Sakamoto came into the room. 'How's he doing?"

"Still sleeping," Morita didn't take his eyes off of Ken. "Ken, Sakamoto's here, just to see how you're doing."

'Why are you talking to him? He can't hear you." Sakamoto reminded him.

"My grandfather died of brain cancer," Morita explained. "The doctors told us it would help his brain to talk to him. So we did, right to the end."

"Do you want to stay here with him?" Sakamoto asked gently.

"I know, I have to get back to work."' Morita sighed.

"But what if you could stay?"

"I would." he admitted. "Ken's mother's all ready Okayed it. But I know I have to work."

"I've called Johnny-sama, and explained the situation."

"What did he say?"

"Tomorrow there will be a press release, until further notice coming century has been put on hiatus." Sakamoto told him. "Your work for the next six weeks has been taken by Okada."

"Thank you,"

Sakamoto clapped him on the shoulder. "Your job now is to take care of Ken. Then perhaps soon, you'll both be back."

Sakamoto left. Morita began to talk to Ken again. He was happy now. At least he could stay at Ken's side. Ken needed him. If Ken was blind, it didn't matter to Morita. For the grandfather who had raised Morita had been blind as a child in Hiroshima.

************************

Ken's first memories are of someone caring for him. He seemed always to be cold, but the person always knew. He would cover Ken up. Then someone would brush his lips with his own. He could remember the scent, and the feeling of being loved.

He heard a voice, almost as if it were a dream, talking to him. It seemed to always be talking to him. Telling him all sorts of things, about his treatment, stories about his grandfather. How awful that it was that the hospital didn't let people smoke.

Finally, Ken woke completely. The first thing he realized was that his head no longer hurt. But his eyes did, he felt as if he had been beaten up. He tried to open his eyes, but there was something on his face. He tried to reach up, to take the thing off. But a hand took his, stopping him.

"Ken-Chan, you can't move your bandages." The voice, he could place it now. It was Morita Go.

Ken reached his hand out, trying to find Morita. Morita took his hand. "Itís me, Go."

"I'm so afraid." Ken gasped. "Will you stay with me?"

"I'll never leave your side." Morita promised. 'I've got good news. The doctors say they removed your entire tumor."

"I'm not longer dying." Ken realized.

"No, your not." Morita sounded bothered.

"There's something else, isn't there?" Ken asked. "Something youíre not telling me."

"I'm tired." Morita's voice was hoarse.

'There's something I can remember, you talked to me." Ken said softly. "You seemed to always be talking to me."

"You remember?" Morita sounded happy.

"Did your grandfather really do all that stuff?"

"Well, he said he did." He let go of Ken's hand. "I have to go tell them that you're awake."

********************

The weeks passed. Morita was always there with him. Sleeping on a cot in the corner of the room. Ken couldn't see, but it didn't seem to matter to Morita. His friend would describe everything to him. He didn't know how Morita knew what it was like to be blind. It was like Morita had been blind himself once.

Ken was sick of the room. Really sick of it. He was allowed to walk, but only up and down the hallway.

"Wanna take a ride?" Morita asked him.

"A ride?" Ken repeated.

"I'll be right back." Morita left. He came back a few minutes later; Ken could hear him pushing something. "I've gotten permission to take you for a ride."

"A ride, where?"

"Just around hospital grounds." Morita lowered the bar on Ken's bed. Then he gave Ken his robe. Ken put it on. Morita guided him to the wheelchair.

Ken sat down. "What's the weather like outside?"

"It's warm." Morita pushed the wheelchair.

Morita described everything as they went downstairs, the hallway, the elevator, and the nurses.

He could hear the whoosh of the door, and then they went outside. Morita pushed him several meters.

"Where are we now?"

"We're in the hospital garden. Since itís the middle of winter, the flowers aren't out." Morita described. "But there are some small evergreens, and there is a rock garden. The sand in the garden is white, and the stones are dark. This place has a few benches; they are made of rocks that have been cast in slabs."

"Why do you stay with me?" Ken asked. "Don't you have things to do?"

"Do you want me to go?"

'No, I want you to stay." Ken admitted. "You can have a smoke out here."

"I'm trying to give up smoking." Morita told him. "Youíve been after me for years about it."

Morita pushed him to an out of the way place. The he could hear Morita sitting down by his wheel chair. Ken moved his face towards the sky. He could feel the warmth of the sun on his face. He could hear the sound of cars in the far distance. Even something simple as sitting in the sun was something different, in a way something very wonderful.

'Thank you, for giving this to me." Ken told Morita.

"I was sick of being inside." Morita said grumpily. "The garden had a large stone fence around it. No one will see us."

"What will we do if I can't see?" Ken asked the question that had been worrying him.

"Weíll still be together." Morita said. "Remember how you used to want to open an inn?"

"Yeah, I want to have one when I leave the Johnny's."

"We'll open your inn." Morita promised. "I can be the manager, and you can be the cook."

"How can I cook? I won't be able to see."

"My grandfather was a cook for fifty years, and he was blind." Morita told him.

"Blind?"

"He lost his sight during the bombing in Hiroshima." Morita said. "You mean, I never told you."

"No, never." The news hit Ken like a hammer. The grandfather that Morita told Ken so much about had been blind. No wonder Morita knew how to describe things; he had done it many times in his life.

He realized he was the luckiest man alive. For the first time he knew that it really didn't matter to Morita if Ken was blind or not. "I am so lucky to have you."

"Not as much as I'm lucky to have you." Morita told him. He kissed Ken's lips very gently.

 

*************************************

Ken had tests, he was used to the tests, the MRI's the CT scans. All of them were boring. Finally, the doctor said he was well enough to go home. Home, what home? But that had been decided for him. He would stay at his apartment. He could recover there just as well as in the hospital. Plus the hospital was tired of all the press hanging about.

Morita came with him. He wasn't too surprised when his friend declared that he was moving in. They were boy friends. Ken was really excited about Morita moving in with him. Lovers, after all this time, they would be lovers.

As soon as they got into the door, Ken kissed Morita. The door slammed shut, and Ken pushed his friend back against the door, at the same time kissing him.

Morita pulled away from him. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Ken asked. "I finally got you alone."

Ken kissed Morita before his friend could answer. But Morita tried to pull away from him. "This isn't a good idea."

"Why not?" Ken asked.

"We can't be lovers, not yet."

"Why can't we?" Ken countered. "Is it because I'm blind?"

"No, that isn't the reason." Morita tried to get away from him, this time Ken let him. Morita put his arms around Ken from the back, and held him close. He put his head on Ken's back. "The doctor told you to take it slowly. That's all I'm doing."

"You're right, he did say that." Ken admitted. Ken felt crushed. It felt like a slap not to be able to sleep with Morita.

***********************

Soon after going to bed, Morita slipped out of the bedroom. A few minutes later Ken followed. He could hear sounds coming out of the bathroom. An unmistakable groan from Morita. Then another groan, this one even louder.

'That's it baby," Morita told himself. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to have you."

"Look at me," A moan escaped from Morita's lips. "Your eyes are so beautiful."

His boy friend loved himself. Ken stood there horrified, listening to Morita. Finally there was a sharp cry, and Morita came.

Tears of frustration burnt Ken's eyes. Morita wasn't dreaming of loving Ken, he was fantasying about someone who could see. Ken was hurt to the core, for Morita had picked to love himself over loving Ken.

That was when Morita must have seen him, because he said. "Ken-Chan."

"I hate you!" Angry, Ken tried to find the bedroom. But he couldn't. He was lost in his own apartment. Everything that had always seemed familiar to him suddenly wasn't. He thrashed around, trying to find something, anything that felt like something he knew.

He had always loved the fact that his apartment was fairly large. Now it seemed as if were huge, so huge that he couldn't find something as simple as his bedroom. Instead, he found the bathroom again, and again.

"Let me help you," Morita reached out touching Ken.

Ken hit Morita as hard as he could. ďLeave me alone!"

Morita yelped in pain. "What's wrong? What did I do?"

"I was a fool, such a fool." The tears overcame everything, Ken sank to the ground. "I thought we were boy friends."

"We are,"

"No, we're not!" He hated himself for showing so much weakness. "Tonight could have been our first time! But...."

"You're not supposed to get your bandages wet." Morita tried to change the subject.

"Why the fuck do you care?" Ken said. "You think you can fool the blind boy. My eyes might not work, but my ears do!"

"What did you hear?" Morita said calmly.

'You in the bathroom, loving yourself." Tears of frustration stung his eyes. "You picked your hand over me. How am I supposed to feel?"

"You don't understand..."

"Yes I do!" Ken snapped. "Go home! Itís over between us! Over!"

Ken heard movement in the room. He got up, trying to find his room, instead he ran into the back of the couch. He began to hit the couch over and over. He hated the couch; he hated his apartment a place where he couldn't find anything. He most of all hated Morita Go.

"Ken-Chan, you have to calm down." Morita told him.

"Why are you still here?" Ken demanded.

"I can't leave you." Morita said softly. "I love you!"

"Bullshit!" Ken screamed. "I heard what you did! You where fantasying about someone who could see! I fooled myself! I really thought you loved me."

Morita took Ken's hand. Ken tried to pull it away. "Here is my face. If you really think I used you. Beat me up. I won't fight back."

Ken hit him hard, very hard in the face.

"Why Go Why?" Ken demanded another hit, this one harder. With this hit, Morita cried out in pain.

Hearing Morita's cries of pain made something snap in Ken, he no longer was mad, only hurt.

"Please Ken, please quit hitting me." Morita sobbed.

"Then tell me the truth." Ken demanded. "Why did you pick your hand instead of me?"

"The doctor told me it might affect your eyesight if we loved." Morita said. "He told us both that before you left the hospital."

"I was too excited to get home with you." Ken admitted.

"All I've wanted to do since you got out of the hospital is to love you." He confessed. "I was fantasying about you loving me after you get your bandages off." There was a long pause from Morita. "Ken-Chan, I need a towel."

"What's wrong?"

"I think you've broken my nose." Morita said. "The bathroom is only eight paces in front of you. The towels will be to your right side. Bring me several."

Ken did as he was told. He retraced his steps exactly, and then he bent down. He held one out. It was taken from him.

'Three paces to your right side is a phone. You're going to have to call Sakamoto." Morita was calm, far calmer then Ken would be with a broken nose.

"What should I tell him?"

"Tell him I tripped and fell on my face." Morita said. "Under no condition tell him what really happened."

Ken found the phone. He made the phone call. Sakamoto told him to stay there with Morita. That he would be there soon.

"Why did you have me lie?" Ken asked. "I'm the one that hurt you."

"Because I should have waited until you were ready." Morita said. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I'm sorry I lost my temper." Ken told him.

The doorbell rang. Since Sakamoto lived in the same building as Ken, he came quickly.

"The front door is about twenty paces dead ahead." Morita told him. Ken was able to find the wall. "Go to your right."

Ken did as he was told. He found the door. The doorbell rang again. Ken was able to unfasten the locks. Then he opened the door.

"Where is he?" Sakamoto asked.

"Twenty paces that way, behind the couch." Ken said.

Ken heard movement as Sakamoto came into the apartment, followed by someone else. He shut and locked the door.

"What happened?" Nakano asked.

"I tripped." Morita lied.

Someone grabbed Ken's hand roughly. Then Sakamoto said harshly. "Your nose is bleeding, and Kens' got bruised knuckles."

"Listen, why don't we figure out the blame later?" Nagano suggested. "We need to get Gotsun help."

**************************************

For the two weeks that they waited for Ken's bandages to come off, someone was always with them. Ken had broken Morita's nose once, Sakamoto was going to make sure it never happened again. It drove Morita insane. With everyone spying on the two of them.

The others didn't understand Ken's blindness. Morita hated the way they treated Ken. He was like a little child to them.

Still, Morita taught Ken the lessons his grandfather had taught him. To memorize the apartment. To know exactly how many steps it was from one place to the other. To keep all of his things in a certain place and to memorize that order.

By the end of the second week, Ken was moving around almost as if he could see. At least at home, he had regained his independence.

Ken went into the kitchen, and got something out of the refrigerator. Morita couldn't help but over hear what was going on.

"Hang on; don't you think I should get that for you?" Innochi asked. It was Innochi's turn to watch the pair.

"I can't get things myself." Ken told him. There was a pause. "Who moved my stuff?"

"I just did a bit of cleaning."

"But now I can't find anything." Ken sounded upset, very upset.

"Tell me what you want, and I'll get it for you."

"Why should anyone have to get something for me? This is my apartment." Ken insisted.

Morita leapt to his feet and went into the kitchen. "I know you're trying to help, but Kens' right. It's very important that his things be kept the way they are."

"He needs to learn to ask for help." Innochi said.

"Ken needs to learn to be independent." Morita said firmly.

"He can't be independent." Innochi reminded him.

"Why? Because I'm blind?" Ken countered. "In two days, I'm getting my bandages off. Then what? You guys can't baby me all the time."

"We can hire help for you."

"I don't want help to be hired for me." Ken spat. "My eyes don't work, my brain still works just fine."

"Ken, do you remember how everything was ordered?" Morita decided to ignore Innochi.

"Yeah," Ken told Morita.

The pair worked together for several minutes rearranging the kitchen. Morita put everything back in the order ken had memorized. The dishes, the food, even something as simple as the silverware had to be put in the correct order.

Ken got the things he wanted and then went back into the other room by himself. Innochi began to go after him.

"Just a minute." Morita said.

"Ken can't be left alone." Innochi reminded him.

"Because he's blind?" Morita couldn't believe his ears. "Ken needs to learn to live independently."

"What do you know about being blind?" Innochi demanded. "How do you know if a blind person can live independently?"

"Do you remember how I always talk about my grandfather, the one that raised me?"

"You mean the one that died before V6 was formed?" Innochi asked.

"Yeah, him. My grandfather lived a very happy life," Morita told him. "He was a chief; he was able to get around Tokyo using the subway system."

"What's that got to do with Ken?"

"My grandfather lost his sight in the bombing of Hiroshima." Morita said. "I was raised by a very independent blind man."

"Why didn't you ever tell me he was blind?" Innochi demanded.

"Because I never thought of him that way," He said. "Just like I don't think of Ken as being blind."

***************************************

 

It was the day Miyake Ken been looking forwards to. The day that Ken would have his bandages removed. Morita came with him to the hospital, but he wasn't allowed to be with him while he underwent tests. No one was. So Ken's mother stayed in the waiting room with Morita.

Ken sat on a chair in an exam room. He could feel tugging as someone cut the bandages. Then the bandages that wound around his head were removed. He could still feel gauze pads on his eyes. The doctor took those off.

"Don't open your eyes yet." He was told. "You have a lot of matter in your eyes. The nurse will help you get it off."

Ken felt the nurse wipe his eyes with a warm wet cloth. It took several minutes, as he had matter that had almost glued his eyes shut.

Finally the doctor told him to open his eyes. This was the thing that Ken had both looked forward to and dreaded at the same time. For he knew that if he opened his eyes, blackness might the only thing to greet him.

Ken opened his eyes. The light hurt his eyes. It was so bright. Even the hottest light on stage had never seen so bright. He covered his eyes with his hands.

"Pull the curtains," The doctor told his nurse.

He could hear the nurse pull the shades, then the curtains.

"Try that again." The doctor suggested. "Open your eyes, this time slowly."

Ken removed his hands. Then he opened his eyes. Everything was very, very blurry. But he could see. He looked around the room, excited.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" The doctor asked.

Ken looked at him. The doctor's hand was a big blur. "I don't know."

The doctor moved his hands closer, so that it was about thirty cm's from his face. "Can you see them now?"

"Three fingers."

The doctor handed him a piece of paper. "Can you read this?"

Ken had to move the paper so that it was a few cm's from his face. He read it to the doctor.

"My eyes, will they be all right?" Ken asked.

"You have some vision loss," The doctor told him.

"Do you know how much?"

"You will have to have more tests to find that out." The doctor said calmly.

"Let me guess, I have to stay in the hospital." Ken groaned. Ken was sick of hospitals, sick of just about everything except for Morita. All he wanted to do was to go back to his apartment and to love his friend. Instead, he would be stuck in the hospital having more tests.

*********************

Ken was undergoing more tests. It made Morita sick with worry. Why did he have to have more tests? It bothered him that Ken's mother was able to go in to see him, and he wasn't. So he did what he always did, pace the waiting room. Moving didn't make the worry go away, he just felt better while he was moving. Minutes passed, and those minutes felt like hours. It was like time has slowed to a stand still.

Finally, Ken's mother came back into the waiting room. "Ken would like to see you now."

"What's the room number?" He asked.

She told him. Morita was able to find the room fairly easily. The door was open; he could see Ken from the side. He was holding a magazine close to his face. Only about ten cm's away from it. Morita realized that Ken was trying to read the magazine.

Then Ken groaned frustrated and threw the magazine across the room, it landed with a thud against the wall. Then Ken was crying, angry tears of frustration.

He tapped on the door. Ken looked towards him. He squinted hard, "Whose there?"

"It's me," Morita came into the room. He was worried that Ken couldn't see him. Could he still be blind? "Up for a visit?"

Ken wiped the tears from his face. "Can you come closer? Right now you're a big blur."

"Sure," Morita went to the bed. "Can you see me now?"

"You're still a bit blurry." Ken told him. "I'm now very nearsighted."

"But you can see," Morita asked.

"Yeah, I can see." Ken smiled. "I've already been fitted for glasses. I should get them in a few hours. I wanted contacts, but I'm going to have to wait at least a year for that."

"Will you be able to come back to the group?" Morita didn't ask what he really wanted to ask.

"I've been cleared for all physical activity." Ken's smile grew wider. "I've lied to the agency. I told him we need three more days before we can come back."

"What do you need three days for?"

Ken didn't answer; instead, he reached out touching Morita's face. "You are so handsome. You're even better looking then I remembered."

"I need a shave."

"But you look so sexy when you're like this." Ken smiled. "It makes you look more like a bad ass."

Morita looked into Ken's eyes and smirked. Then he crawled up on the bed beside Ken. His friend moved over to let him have some room.

*************************

Ken couldn't believe it. Morita Go was sitting on the bed beside him. Then Morita was kissing his lips. Ken couldn't help it, he kissed back. He felt Morita's hand on the back of his hospital gown, splitting it, running his hands across his bare skin.

"When's your next test?" Morita asked between kisses, he began to work on the fastenings on Ken's gown.

"I'm finished with my tests."

"Then let me lock the door, and we can be together." Morita stripped Ken of his hospital gown. "Never done it in a hospital before."

"Gotsun, this place has cameras," Ken pointed to one. "They can see us in the nurseís station."

"Oh," Morita grabbed the remote. "Why don't we watch some tv?"

Ken sighed disappointed, and took the remote from Morita. He had hoped that Morita would say to hell with the cameras, and love him. Ken was more then ready to be with his friend.

The pair began to watch TV. The only thing on was very boring. The TV was just one big blur. Then he realized that Morita was kissing his neck.

"Ken-Chan," Morita whispered. His hand went under the blanket, finding Ken's hardness, stroking it. "Are there cameras in the bathroom?"

"No, I don't think so." Ken moaned.

"Let's do it." Morita smirked.

Ken looked at Morita, and then he smiled at his friend's hopeful look. "These bathrooms even have locks."

Ken wasn't sure what to expect when Morita pulled him into the bathroom. He pushed Ken against the bathroom door, and kissed him. At the same time, he reached around him and locked the door.

"Ken-Chan, you don't know how long I've waited for this," He murmured as he ran his hands over Kens' body.

"I know, it's been terrible." Ken agreed. He kissed Morita, giving his friend the hunger he had been suppressing. He unbuckled Morita's jeans, and then his hand went inside, cupping one of his friend's buttocks.

Morita pulled away from him, and quickly pulled off his shoes, jeans and shorts. Then they where kissing again.

"God I need you inside me." Morita moaned and pushed closer

Ken looked around the bathroom. On a shelf was a container of KY He squirted some on his hand and covered his manhood with the lube. Then he shoved Morita against the sink.

Morita got onto the edge of the sink. He pulled Ken almost on top of him. . "We need to hurry, we might get caught."

Ken nodded. He very slowly pushed into Morita. His friend was warm, and tight, very tight. He studied himself for a moment. Then he began to thrust slowly, very slowly. This was something he had waited for, something he had to cherish.

They kissed as they loved. He could feel Morita's nails clawing at his skin; his legs went around Kens' waist, pushing him in even further.

"Harder, harder," Morita began to moan.

Ken wanted to take it slowly; he had waited so long for this. But his body began to react to Morita's words. Ken began to thrust hard into his new lover. Morita began to make gasps with every thrust.

Then suddenly, Morita cried out very loudly. Spilling his seed onto his stomach. His channel contracting around Ken's hardness. That was enough to make Ken come.

"Was it worth the wait?" Morita gasped.

"Oh god yes," Ken tried to regain his breath.

Just then there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Shit, we've been caught." Morita spat. Ken put his hand over his lover's mouth. Morita nodded and Ken let go of his mouth.

"Just a minute," Ken he held onto Morita tightly. His friend too leaned against him. They were hot, sweaty, and neither wanted to let go.

"Ken-Chan, are you in there?" The unmistakable voice of Ken's mother asked. "Gotsun with you too?"

"Yeah, we're both in here," Ken couldn't help but moan when Morita bit down on his neck.

"I've been told that when ever you get out of there, that your glasses are ready." She said. "Oh, and you can put your clothes on."

"Thanks mom."

"I better give you two some privacy."

"Okay mom, give me a minute."

"You've got a cool mom," Morita quickly cleaned himself and put his clothes back on.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Ken looked at his friend, and kissed him one last time.

**************************

 

Ken hated the way he looked in Neverland. Really, really hated it. He hated glasses, really hated them. But he knew many people who wore glasses Sakamoto, Okada, or Innochi. Ken paused as he was thinking. Everyone seemed to wear glasses except for Morita. Everyone saw well enough without them to go without on camera and on stage. But Ken would be different. He would have to wear his glasses at all times.

Ken's glasses were finally ready. He didn't look forward to this time. But he didnt' argue as they were slid onto his face. He could see with them on, really see. Everything wasn't fuzzy blurs. Everything was crisp, clear. He could see like he had before he had gotten ill.

Ken and Morita had always made fun of Kanjani 8's Shota's glasses. They were thick and Shota had trouble getting around without them. That was one person Ken knew he had to apologize to. Shota had been hurt by his sempai's words, and Ken knew he would never let it happen again.

Ken's glasses were thicker then Shota's. He was terrified that Morita would make fun of him.

Ken went to the waiting room. It was amazing everything he noticed that he use to not notice. The signs on the walls. Their bright colors on white. The walls themselves.

There was a window. Ken found himself drawn to it. He looked out. The winter sky looked so wonderful, with clouds of white and gray. He looked down, to the rock garden. It was almost like Morita had described to him. There was now snow on the ground. Crisp, white snow. The light seemed to reflect off of it like a mirror.

People walked by on the sidewalk, some coming into the hospital, some leaving. Ken watched transfixed. He had never really watched people before. How different each person was. Some rushed to get out of the snow.

A small child seemed delighted in the snow. Bending down, touching the ground without looking at the ground. Then the mother picked up some snow and pressed it in the child's hand. The child put the snow against her face. Feeling it touching it. Blind, the little girl was blind. Like he had been, those many weeks.

"Ken-Chan," Morita said from behind him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm watching people." He didn't want to let Morita see his glasses. "There's a little girl, see?"

Morita looked down to the child. "She's cute."

"She's like me, blind."

"You're no longer blind." Morita reminded him.

"Without my glasses I am." Ken told him. "They call it legally blind. I have to carry a card with me."

"So wear your glasses." He took Ken's arm and tried to move him away from the window.

"Gotsun, I want to help children like her," Ken said. "I know how it's like to be blind. I want to help them, the way you helped me."

"Tell the agency you want to do some volunteer work."

'Can it be that easy?"

"Sure, it can be." Morita told him. "Sakamoto and Nagano teaches dance to disabled kids. Arashi all volunteer at an after school program."

"You're right, they do." Ken said.

"There's a blind outreach program downstairs." Morita said. 'Why don't we check in with them before we go home?"

Ken stopped. "Tell me, do I look funny with my glasses?"

Morita stood there for a moment really looking at him. "I like them. If anyone says they don't think you look good in them, I'll punch them."

***************************

Ken wondered how Morita knew about the blind outreach program at the hospital. But he followed his friend to it anyway. The receptionist smiled when she saw Morita. "Morita-kun, it's been a while."

"Sorry, works kept me busy." Morita smirked.

"Can we put you back on the schedule?" She asked.

"Please do." Morita put his hand on Ken's shoulder. 'This is Miyake-kun. He would like to sign up as a volunteer."

The receptionist had them both sit down. Then Ken was called in for an interview.

Ken was taken into an office about the size of a walk in closet. He looked around trying to take in everything he saw.

"Have you ever worked with blind people before?" Tsukahara-san the head of volunteers asked.

"No, never. I lost my sight for six weeks because I had an operation." Ken tried to explain. "I just got my sight back this morning."

"Are you well enough to volunteer?" Tsukahara-san asked concerned.

"I've been cleared to work." Ken said.

"I've heard about your tumor in the press." The woman told him. "Why do you suddenly wanting to work with blind people?"

"I can understand what their going through." Ken said. "I know how it's like to be lost in your own apartment because you haven't memorized it. Or what it feels like to have someone move your things about, which means you have to ask for help instead of being independent."

Tsukahara-san handed Ken an application. "Have Gotsun help you fill this out. Give it to the receptionist, and weíll get you on the schedule."

"Thank you." He got up and left the office.

Ken looked around for Morita. He finally found him. His friend was in a playroom. He was sitting on the floor with a child who was very small. They were putting together a puzzle, but one of the type that Ken had never seen. The puzzle was covered in different kinds of fabrics.

Morita picked up one, and handed it to the child. "Feel it, can you find the piece that matches it?"

The child felt around, touching several pieces. Then he picked up one. "This one."

"Good, now try and put them together." Morita suggested.

The child did it.

Morita hugged the child. "That was great!"

This was a different Morita then Ken had ever seen before. One so gentle, so kind. Then Ken realized that this was the Morita he had seen since he had his operation. This was the real Morita Go.

Another kid, this one about twelve was playing by himself at a table. He felt around for a piece of a puzzle that was out of his reach. It seemed the most natural thing in the world for Ken to pick a piece of the puzzle up off the floor and hand it to the boy.

'Thank you," The boy said politely.

"What's your name?" Ken sat at the table.

"Shingo, what's yours?"

"Ken." he closed his eyes for a moment. "Do you like puzzles?"

'Their all right.' The kid shrugged. "I have puzzles at home. But they all have pictures on them, and I can't see them."

"Sucks donít it?"

"You don't know the half of it." The kid sighed. "My case worker's trying to talk my mom into stop rearranging the house."

"My friend did that to me." Ken told him. "I couldn't find anything. Not even some cereal."

"Couldn't you see it?"

"Until I got my new glasses, I couldn't' see." He said truthfully. "I was blind for six weeks."

"You have an operation?" the boy asked.

"Yeah, I had an operation." Ken told him.

"I'm on a list to get a cornea transplant." The boy told him. "I'm hoping that someday, I might be able to see."

Ken worked the puzzle with the boy. It felt wonderful to help someone. He was able to talk to the boy about all sorts of things, mostly things kids liked.

After quite awhile, the child's mother came and picked him up. She gasped when she saw Ken.

"You're Miyake Ken!" She fumbled for her Ketai.

"Here I'm just Ken." he told her. "Please, don't take a picture of me. I'm here to help people, if everyone finds out about it. I might have to stop."

"Of course," She put the phone up. "It's good to meet you. Come on Shingo."

The boy left with his mother.

Then Morita walked up to Ken. "What do you think of this place?"

"I like it." Ken admitted. "Why didn't you tell me you volunteered here?"

"It was a part of my private." Morita said. "I help because I want to help, not for publicity."

"So why tell me?" Ken asked.

"You're part of my private now." Morita smiled. "Let's go home."

The pair began to walk towards the parking lot. Ken was surprised how bright it was outside. The cars were also very brightly colored. He was seeing everything with almost new eyes. Everything he saw he appreciated. For he knew he was very lucky to get his sight back.

"What's wrong?" Morita asked concerned.

"It all looks so beautiful." Ken admitted. "Since when did the world look so wonderful?"

"I don't know," Morita took his hand. "Why don't we take the long way home? That way you can see more of the world."

"Sounds great." Ken told him.

He followed his lover to his car. Morita unlocked the door and let him in. Ken had always thought that Morita's car was ugly, now he felt as if it was the best car on Earth. He watched as Morita got into his side of the car. He was also lucky to have Morita. Someone who could love him unconditionally. He knew that his life would be better no matter what happened in the future.