KANJANI 8 BEHAVIOR CONTRACT
Note: this is inspired by a contract written by a Girl Scout leader.
KANJANI 8 BEHAVIOR CONTRACT
Written by Murakami Shingo after a very long road trip where he had to spend three weeks with his group without even a moment’s break
This contract will be used in all travels of Kanjani 8.
I Murakami Shingo declare myself to be leader of this group as of this day. I know that Yoko and Shibutani are older then me, but I'm meaner.
No high pitched screaming, even if you are scared or surprised or we
are rolling over and over on the highway! You do know who you are!
No saying the word "paaaan" more than twice per day, unless you are
referring to the food that is served as a sandwich.
Physical abuse is allowed only by the third oldest member of Kanjani 8, which
just happens to be Murakami Shingo. Otherwise, no poking, scratching, or
tickling, or any other contact whatsoever, in the bus is out.
That includes airplanes and Trains too. You tickle me one more time Shota and you die.
I know that Tacchan isn't a member of the mile high club. It's not your responsibility to break him in. It's the leader's job to break Tacchan into anything he wants to be broken into.
Keep your filthy paws off of Tacchan. Anyone who touches Tacchan will be
thrown out of the plane. He's just too nice to say no. So the leader must
With regard to music, the Leader is the final
arbitrator. If he wants to listen to Barry Mantalow and Donny Osmond all the way to
be left on the side of the road.
Reporting back to Johnny-sama that Hina was mean to you is absolutely
forbidden. It will result in immediately denial by said Hina and he
*will* get you back. You won't know where, you won't know when. Trust me, you will wish I killed you.
If you argue with the Leader, you will be left on the
side of the road or thrown out of the plane, which ever is the easiest.
Men do not have PMS. That is a fact Ryo. If you insist we do, please produce a doctor's statement. I mean a real doctor, not anyone who is in NEWS. Do not get a note by that uncle of Jin's that claims to be a doctor. Owning a café called Doctors does not give you authority about PMS.
Everyone in the group knows Ryo is Bi, but do we always have to hear about Lisa? I mean, aren't you worried that Shota will get jealous?
Talk about females who are "hot" is limited to six hours per
preferably the six that Marakami is asleep.
Feet are to be kept INSIDE the car. Yes, we are hicks, and yes everyone knows, but shoes are expensive. Violation of this order will result in the
offender being left on the side of the road.
Whining is strictly FORBIDDEN! Unless Murakami has cheese to go with it.
A group member will only carry his own items. He will NOT
watch your stuff, hold your drink, tie your jacket around his waist,
or pre-chew your food for you. If you give him your stuff to Hina, it will
be left on the side of the road or sold to juniors.
If you break it, you buy it. You break Murakami's things you die.
The staff has no money. Not kidding, they have NO money. Don't ask them,
beg them, or hold them up at gun point.
No, you cannot borrow my brush, my clothes or my Tacchan.
Trying to take Tacchan away from me will mean you will soon be dead.
If you are bored, I will build a bridge out of you.
What Murakami says, goes. The end. Finale. If you don't do what the
Murakami Shingo tells you to, you will – wait for it – be left
on the side of the road or thrown off the plane.
If you don't like these rules – build a bridge and get over it!