Title: Heart Rule the Head

Author: Kyoko Godaikun

Email: kyoko_godaikun@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I donít own Domoto Koichi or Domoto Tsuyoshi. They own each other.

Warning: This story contains Bishonnen Ai. Do not read if you are offended by Male/male love

Warning two: This story discusses non-consensual sexual abuse and violence. Do not read if you are offended by this

Archiving: The only place that has permission to archive this story is Katrinkaís page. No one else may archive this without the express permission of the author!

 

Time: Early November 1997

 

 

Junichi went to the dance room. Sakamoto was busy as always, putting Juniors through their paces. He sat on an out of the way chair and just watched his friend.While some of the dorm mates wanted to be singers, some actors, Sakamoto's dream was to teach dance.

 

"Okay, everyone start from the top!" Sakamoto ordered. The Juniors groaned. "If you're ever going to do anything but take dance lessons, it takes practice! Now let's go."

 

"Ichi, Ni, San, Shi," Sakamoto counted as the Juniors danced.

 

*I love you,* Okada thought as he watched his friend.

 

Okada realized that Sakamoto was watching him. He smiled when he saw him. Sakamoto gave a half smile and went on with the lesson.

 

When the Juniors finally left, Sakamoto turned to Okada. "It's been a long time since you visited my studio."

 

"I wanted to see if the old studio was falling apart." Okada kidded.

 

"What do you think?" Sakamoto moved closer to him.

 

"You're a great dancer." Okada said impulsively.

 

Sakamoto reached out, touching Okada's cheek. "I want you to know that you're more then a friend to me."

 

"I am?"

 

"You're much more then just a friend." Sakamoto kissed Okada gently, and then he pulled away. "You also should know that I haven't dated anyone since our first time together."

 

Okada's mouth flew open. "You're kidding."

 

"I've never been able to lie to you." Sakamoto tried to gather his thoughts.

 

"Yuki, what about the security devices? Won't someone see us?" Okada whispered.

 

"There's none in here." His friend told him."I should have told you my feelings from the start. Perhaps we might have been closer if I had."

 

"I know it's hard for you to show your emotions."

 

"My actions have hurt you."

 

"It's all right."

 

"It's not all right." Sakamoto decided to tell his lover the truth. "I over heard what you told Nagase."

 

"I see." Okada looked away from him.

 

"The way you felt, you should have told me."

 

"How could I? If I did, I would loose you."

 

"I need you to know you've never been just a friend to me. You're my lover." Sakamoto tried to find the words.

 

"Why havenít you acted like my lover?" Okada interrupted. "Why do you have to treat me the way you do?"

 

"I too want to act like the others do. I'm afraid....I'm afraid if we started acting like lovers in public; the Manager will call for you again. I couldn't have that happen."

 

"Is it because I'm so much younger then you?"

 

"Your age has nothing to do with it. You've never seemed younger then Me." he paused again. "This isn't working. You deserve to have a better lover. Someone who won't hurt you the way I have." Sakamoto walked away from him. He began to act interested in the boom box on the window sill. "I'm giving you your freedom. There are many men here that could give you what you need."

 

"Masayuki!" Okada gasped. "Please don't leave me."

 

"Just being with you is making you miserable." He said in barely a whisper. "I promised you that I would never hurt you."

 

"Why is it so hard to tell me your feelings?"

 

"When I was the favorite, I had to learn to hide my feelings." Sakamoto sat back down. "I locked them away so I wouldn't be hurt. I was scared to let them out.What would happen if I did? The time passed, and now I want to let them out, but I've lost the key."

 

"You're hurting too." Okada realized. Sakamoto nodded. He went to his friend, touching the older man's back. "When you touch me, you show me how you feel."

 

"I don't understand."

 

"Back before all the security devices, we slept together almost every night. Many times I would wake and find you caressing my body. Your fingers seemed to tell me your feelings. That's been enough for me." Okada told him. "What you heard me telling Nagase, most of it came from the fact that I miss being in your bed."

 

"I miss it too." Sakamoto confessed. "I miss holding you."

 

"You can hold me now." Okada told him.

 

Sakamoto turned, and took the younger man into his arms. He held him gently."Somehow, some way, I'll make it so we'll be together."

 

"I hope thatís true."

 

"It has to be." Sakamoto whispered. "I can't put up with being apart from you much longer."

 

***********************

 

 

The mansion, Sakamoto had always promised himself he would never go back to the mansion on his own. Now here he was. One thing kept running through his mind. What price would he have to pay if his request was granted?

 

The butler showed him to the sitting room. Sitting in his favorite chair was the manager, he was fully dressed. Koichi sat on the floor beside the chair. He was wearing a white robe. There was a collar around his neck and a chain attached to it.

 

"Hello Masayuki," the Manager gestured to the floor. "Sit down."

 

*he still thinks of me as his pet.* he thought as he sat down.

 

"Do you like my little pet? He's very obliging." he patted the head of Koichi.The Kinki Kid had his blank face on, not showing emotions.

 

"He's very handsome." Sakamoto agreed.

 

"So why did you visit?"

 

"I wanted to thank you for allowing those over twenty to leave the dorms."

 

"The dorms where too crowded. Besides, most of them are too long in the tooth for me." he gave Sakamoto a long look of lust."Of course with everything, there are always exceptions. You have aged very well."

 

"Thank you sir."

 

"So why haven't you moved out?"

 

"I've been looking for a new apartment." He lied.

 

"Good, very good." The Manager told him. "What else do you want?"

 

"I want permission to have Okada Junichi move into my apartment."

 

"Junichi is too young to live on his own."

 

"He won't be living on his own. He'll live with me."

 

"Absolutely not! Okada He is only sixteen"

 

"But sir." he interrupted. "Junichi will be seventeen in two weeks."

 

"He is only a boy!" the Manager pointed out."His skin is still soft, fresh. It still bruises so easily."

 

Sakamoto's blood ran cold. He realized the Manager was threatening Okada. 'Yes sir."

 

"You push this with me, and I'll send for him. Do you understand?"

 

"I'll never mention it again." Sakamoto promised.

 

"I have ignored what the two of you have been doing because of my feelings for you." he said. "Do you two really think you got away with sleeping with each other almost every night? Yes, you stopped when the devices were put in, but what about all the times before that?"

 

*He knows about us!* Sakamoto tried to fight the panic he felt."I am sorry I broke the rules."

 

 

"You will start following the rules." The Manager told him. "It would be a pity if you ended up like your first love, wouldn't it?"

 

"Ito died after he was mugged."

 

"Is that what you think?" The man sneered. "I have connections everywhere. It doesn't cost much to hire a thug to kill a favorite's boyfriend."

 

The news sunk in. "Oh Kami."

 

If I hear anything about you touching Junichi before he turns twenty, you'll join Ito in the grave!"

 

"I stopped seeing him months ago. He's only a friend to me now." Sakamoto pointed out. "You have security devices. What have they told you?"

 

"The relationship between the two of you has changed. I think I could trust you to be alone with him without the devices." The Manager told him. "None the less, you need to be punished. I don't have a film of you and my pet. I would like very much to have one for my collection."

 

"Sir?"

 

"Agree to what I ask you, or I'll have your beloved Junichi at my side in twenty minutes!" the Manager's voice rose."Then I will make sure he never leaves my side again! I will make sure you disappear. Do you understand?"

 

"Yes sir." He glanced at Koichi. It had been years since he had been forced to do anything like what his Manager demanded of him.All he could think of was Okada.He couldn't let him be a victim again. He nodded. "I would be pleased to be in a film."

 

************************

 

It was near dawn when Sakamoto was sent back to the dorm.He realized he couldn't go back inside. His roommates wouldn't understand his need for privacy. He went to his fellow V6's memberís apartment.

 

Hiroshi, the early riser was all ready awake. He let Sakamoto in, and offered him some coffee.

 

Sakamoto sat down. He had forgotten how much a visit to the Manager's house hurt.

 

Inocchi brought him a cup of coffee. "You look like hell."

 

"I feel like it." Sakamoto admitted.

 

"You haven't looked this way since you visited the mansion last time." Inocchi sat down. "So why are you up at this time of morning?"

 

"I haven't gone to bed yet." he admitted. "I just need a place to rest for a few hours."

 

"What's going on?" he asked suspiciously."You're not the type to stay out all night."

 

"I went to the mansion last night." Sakamoto admitted. "I wanted to get permission for us to move out."

 

"You asked to let Okada to move in with you?" Inocchi guessed. "Why would you do anything as crazy as that?"

 

"I thought the Manager might say yes. To put it mildly, he wasn't pleased." he took a deep breath. "If I didn't do as he said, Okada would have been his pet again."

 

"You're too old for him."

 

"I know. He beat me for being too old. But it saved Junichi. That's whatís important."

 

"If he had threatened Hiroshi, I would have done the same thing."

 

"Thanks for understanding." he paused. "The Manager told me that he caused Ito's death."

 

"Wasn't he killed in a mugging?"

 

"The Manager told me that it is easy to hire a thug to kill someone."

 

"He's threatening you."

 

"I know. But he no longer thinks I have feelings for Okada." Sakamoto stretched."Can I borrow the couch?"

 

"You can sleep in the spare bedroom. I'll show you where it is." Inocchi got to his feet.

 

******************

 

Okada couldn't sleep. Instead he lay in his bed with his eyes closed.He could hear Tsuyoshi and Koichi in the bed beneath them. They where whispering softly to one another. Okada had dreamt several times of hearing their voices, now he knew that the dreams had been real.

 

"What would you do if you could do anything?" Koichi asked Tsuyoshi.

 

"You want the real truth?"

 

"Yeah, the real truth."

 

"I would get rid of the security devices. It's like living in a fish bowl."

 

"I don't like them either." Koichi agreed. "What else would you do?"

 

"I wish we could go off together for a few days. We could be together as partners. Not having to pretend that we're simply friends.'

 

"We can't do that, no even for a day." Koichi reminded him. "Remember what happened to Mori?"

 

"I know, I know. If we did that, Iíd be sent back to Nara. I'd never see you again." Tsuyoshi sighed.

 

"I'd get rid of that girl. She drives me insane." Koichi told him.

 

"Oh Ko-chan aren't you so cute!" Tsuyoshi said in a high pitched voice which cracked. "Oh Tsuyoshi, I can decide between the two of you!"

 

"We should tell her we're gay."

 

"We can't do that! With her mouth, she'd blurt it out on live TV."

 

Tsuyoshi moaned suddenly. "Ko-chan, are you sure? We might be over heard."

 

"They're asleep. It will be all right." Koichi's voice suddenly got deeper. "I need you."

 

The sound of the friends talking was replaced by the sound of their being together. The bunk bed began to sway slightly. It was too much for Okada, he put his hand in his shorts, and then he closed his eyes and pretended the sounds came from making love with Sakamoto.

 

 

*****************

Okada went to the practice rooms. He was planning on practicing his piano. He could hear the unmistakable voice of Hiroshi say. "Okada is just a child."

 

"You're using him." Inocchi said.

 

"I'm not using him!" Sakamoto insisted. "I protect him."

 

"Do you really have to protect him by sleeping with him?"

 

"I don't make Okada sleep with me!" his friend's voice rose.

 

"You seduced him." Hiroshi told him. "You're just as bad as the Manager!"

 

"I've never forced Okada to do anything he doesn't want." Sakamoto paused. "He can leave me anytime he wants."

 

"He's too young for you." Inocchi told him. "He's only sixteen."

 

"You where the same age as Junichi when the two of you got involved"

 

"Four years apart is a lot different then nine!" Inocchi insisted. "You are older then him. Do you really think he gets a choice in staying with you?"

 

"Junichi is like our little brother.We have to protect him." Nagano told him.

 

"He's not my prisoner. He can leave me any time he wants."

 

"You won't stop him?"

 

"I want him to be happy. If he is happier without me, I'll accept it."

 

"Does he know you love him?" Nagano asked.

 

"I can't say the words to him." Sakamoto told his friends. "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps Junichi might be better with someone else. Someone who can say the words to him."

 

"The question is could you live without him?"

 

"I can't." Sakamoto admitted. "I want to spend my life with him."

 

"You should tell him."

 

"I can't tell him." Sakamoto sounded depressed. "I promised myself I would never force him to be with me. It has to be of his choice. If I put pressure on him, it would no longer be his choice."

 

Okada realized he had been wrong. Sakamoto had been treating him the way he had to protect him. Okada too wanted to spend his life with his friend.

 

**************

Junichi was sitting on his bed, looking through a photo album.

 

"What are you looking at?" Koichi looked at the album.

 

"My very best photos."

 

"Youíre a photographer, right?"

 

"Well, I want to be someday." He reached out; touching the page he was looking at. His fingers tracing the photo, it was of Sakamoto, he had taken it while the older man was sleeping. He was nude, covered only by a thin sheet. Okada missed the days before the security devices had been installed. He had spent most of his nights in the older man's bed.

 

"Can I see?" Koichi moved towards Okada, who quickly shut the book.

 

"If you want." He handed the book to Koichi. "Be warned, I'm not very good."

 

 

"These are really good. You're able to capture the subjectís emotions in your photos."

 

"No, their not that good." Okada insisted.

 

"I wanted to tell you about your favorite subject."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"If you ever need the room alone, just tell me. I'll find somewhere else to sleep."

 

"Why do you think I'm involved with anyone?"

 

"If youíre afraid I'll tell the Manager I won't." Koichi closed the book. "You have a right to love."

 

"Who told you?"

 

"No one, your photos show his love for you." Koichi looked at Okada. "You do know Sakamoto loves you."

 

"He doesn't love me.I canít explain my relationship with him, but he's never told me he loved me."

 

"The word love is hard to say when you've been abused as we've been."Koichi paused. "When I was staying at the mansion, Sakamoto came to visit.He wanted to ask for permission for the both of you to move out of the dorms."

 

"What did the Manager say?"

 

"He would let Sakamoto move, but not you. The Manager said you where too young to be on your own, even with a roommate."

 

"So why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he move out?"

 

"Have you thought perhaps he didn't want to leave you?"

 

"So he stays, and because of the surveillance devices, we can't ever be alone together."

 

"I pulled some strings. I convinced the Manager that your darkroom didn't need a camera in it. Perhaps you could hire Sakamoto as an assistant. Then you could work together in the dark room, and no one would be suspicious."

 

"Why would you do that?"

 

"I owed you one. You slipped my notes to Tsu-chan when I lived in the mansion."

 

"I would have to ask the Manager to let me hire him." Okada shuddered unconsciously. "I've never vowed to step foot on the mansion grounds again."

 

Koichi took a letter out of his pocket. He handed it to Okada. "It's from the Manager It authorizes you to have Sakamoto as your assistant.

 

Okada took the letter, and then read it. "What kind of price did you have to pay to get this?"

 

"Nothing that he doesn't force me to do all the time." Koichi reassured him."Now why don't' you hire you an assistant."

 

********************

Sakamoto returned to his room from taking a shower. He found an envelope on his bed. He picked it up and opened it.He couldn't believe his eyes. The manager had given permission for Sakamoto to be Okada's photographic assistant. He took the letter and hid it.He didn't want to loose it.

 

The leader of V6 took the birthday present he had for Okada out of its hiding place. He put it in his backpack. Perhaps giving Okada his birthday present early might make him smile. Sakamoto put his clothes on, combed his hair, and then went to find Okada. He finally went to the teen's dark room, located in the dorm's basement. He tapped on the door.

 

Okada opened the door. He looked at Sakamoto warily. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Can I come in?"

 

"If you want." He let Sakamoto into the room, and then he shut and locked the door.

 

The older man put his backpack on a table and then began to look for surveillance devices.

 

"There are none here.Koichi pulled some strings. I don't know why."

 

"Because he knows what it's like to be parted from his lover."

 

 

"Koichi told me you visited the mansion. Is that true?"

 

"My visit didn't amount to anything. I asked if we could move out, but he turned me down." Sakamoto admitted. "If we had been allowed to, I would have made it your birthday surprise."

 

Okada reached out, touching the wrist band on his friend's wrist. "Why are you wearing this?"

 

Sakamoto looked away from him; he took off his wrist band, showing Okada the bruise.

"The Manager knows about us." Sakamoto told him. "If I didn't give myself over to punishment, he would have called for you. I had to protect you."

 

"Now I know what you must have gone through when I was the favorite." Okada took Sakamoto's wrist and kissed the bruise. A tear trickled down his cheek. "I feel so helpless."

 

"I'm sorry I betrayed you." he paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "I wanted us to live together. Not cheat on you."

 

"You saved me. How can I hate you for that?" Again, Okada kissed the bruise.

 

"How can you forgive me?"

 

"Because you've forgave me for the same thing."

 

"Youíre his victim."

 

"So are you Yuki-chan. We're all his victims" Okada let go of his wrist. "When you where his favorite, did you have anyone to talk to about the abuse?"

 

"I tried once after the first time. My room mate didn't believe me. He called me a liar. How could I say such things about our Manager?" Sakamoto paused. "My room mate told the Manager. I was punished for talking about the abuse. I learned quickly not to talk about it. Not to let my pain show."

 

"It must have been hard.

 

"There is something I should have told you a long time ago." Sakamoto said."Something I need to tell you."

 

"What?" there was apprehension in his voice.

 

"When I was the manager's favorite, he used to torture me. It was a game to him. He would hurt me until I told him I loved him." Sakamoto explained. "Because of it, itís hard for me to say the word."

 

"He tortured you." Okada said softly.

 

"The burn scars that I have on my legs are from him. The Manager would burn me until I told him I loved him." he said. "Now, I can't tell the man I'm in love with my feelings. I wish I could come out and say it. But I can't."

 

"Your gentle touches. Those where you way of telling me you loved me."

 

Sakamoto nodded."I tried to tell you my love in other ways."

 

"You don't have to say the words, but you could say 'me too' when I tell you I love you."

 

"You've never told me that."

 

"I love you." Okada told him.

 

"I do too." He reached out, touching Okada's face.Sakamoto pulled the younger man close, and kissed him.Then he pulled away from him. "We can't do anything else right now. You're still recovering."

 

"I feel all right."

 

"When the doctor gives you clearance for psychical activity, I'll take you down here, and we'll make up for lost time."

 

"I love you,"

 

"Me too." Sakamoto smiled. He felt as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

 

"It's crazy; I have a dark room, but no camera." Okada said. "Perhaps I'll be able to save up for one."

 

Sakamoto pulled away from his lover, he took the present out of his backpack. "I brought your birthday present."

 

"It's still two weeks until my birthday." Okada reminded him.

 

"Then consider it an early birthday present." he handed the box to Okada.

 

"Can I open it?"

 

"Please do."

 

Okada opened the box. He took out the camera. "Yuki-chan, this must be expensive."

 

"Youíre worth every yen I paid for it." Sakamoto told him. "You're not the same when you can't take photos."

 

"Love you,"

 

"Me too." Sakamoto smiled. "Are you going to make me say me too all day?"

 

"It feels so good to hear you say those words."Okada put the camera down. He went to Sakamoto kissing him full on the lips. The older man wanted to tell his friend that he still wasn't well enough for this, but his heart over ruled his head. He found his arms going around Okada.