Title: Hotel California

 

By Sentaikat aka Kyoko Godaikun

Authors email: Kyoko_godaikun@yahoo.com

Archiving: Do not archive without express permission from the author.

 

Time: Takes place during Butterfly i.e. September 2006

 

 

 

Tanaka Koki lived in a world that seemed almost dream-like. Worlds were he wasn't allowed to date. A world that love was seen as a weakness. His existence that revolved around Koki being on beck and call to a man in his seventies.Stardom was the reward for being a favorite of Kitagawa Johnny. Though Koki was now a star, his only wish was for freedom. Koki knew that freedom would never happen. His entire life would be spent as nothing more then a well kept slave.

 

Koki was sharing a hotel room with his best friend Nakamaru Yuichi.It seemed the pair was always together.Koki knew about the rumors in the agency, for a long time people had been talking. They said that Koki and Maru were lovers. Like many rumors it wasn't true. The pair was only friends, friends that were closer then brothers.

 

Koki and Maru had gone to a party together, but there had been a fight. A terrible fight that had taken place between Taguchi Junno and Nishikido Ryo. Nishikido had made fun of Ueda for the countless time. Junno had stepped in to defend his friend.It had been Koki's job to take Junno back to his hotel room to cool down. Jin had come along; to make sure everything was all right.

 

When they were finished, they went to Jinís room to talk. Everyone had all ready left the party, leaving a huge mess. Kame was there, with a bag trying to clean the empty beer bottles. Kame was playing a CD the Eagles on the stereo. He had the song Hotel California on repeat mode.

 

Jin grabbed a bag and handed it to Koki, and then he took a bag. They all began to clean. Koki knew that if the room wasn't spotless, the entire group would be in trouble.

 

"You know, you should get back to Maru, he probably misses you." Jin told him.

 

"You two are finally getting some time together." Kame agreed. "You shouldn't be cleaning. You should be with him."

 

"There's nothing between me and Maru." Koki told him."He's my friend, nothing else."

 

"You call him your partner," Kame pointed out. "You can't deny you love him."

 

"Love is a weakness," Koki said by rote.

 

"Have you ever thought that perhaps love isn't a weakness, perhaps instead it's a great strength?" Jin asked. "You need to tell Maru how you feel."

 

"It's better that we don't become involved." Koki gathered up a table cloth and put the contents in the bag. "Maru would be sent away if Johnny-sama found out my feelings for him."

 

"You should go by your heart." Kame suddenly looked sad. "We can't live our entire lives without love."

 

"I've accepted long ago that my life will be spent being Johnny-samaís prisoner." He admitted.

 

"If you had the choice, would you be Johnny-sama's favorite?"

 

"Of course I wouldn't! I hate Johnny-sama." He said without thinking. "It's like that song you keep playing. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

 

"What would you do if you could check out?" Jin asked. "Not be his favorite any more."

 

"I'd become a rapper, with Maru as my partner." he paused. "I wouldn't mind making soba for the rest of my life if Maru's at my side."

 

"See, you do love him." Kame said almost sadly.

 

'That's why I want to study abroad." Jin told him. "Perhaps if I get some time away, Johnny-sama will give me my freedom."

 

"You know that will never happen," Koki told him. "He isn't going to let you go."

 

"I can always wish,Ē He tied up his full bag, and began to work on another one.

 

Kame's ketai began to ring; he moved off to answer it. Koki knew it had to be his PM. While Koki and Jin had given themselves to Johnny-sama, Kame had the same deal with his PM.

 

Koki couldn't help but notice that Jin looked very angry. Koki knew there must be something going on between Jin and Kame. But he also knew that it couldn't be that serious if Jin was leaving. Koki would never leave Maru, even if it was in his best interests to.

 

***********************************

 

As a favorite of Johnny-sama, Koki had been taught that love was a weakness. That he could get things if he gave his favors to others. He hadn't been corrupt the way that Jin had been, selling himself to the point that he took money for his favors. But still, the more Koki fell in love with Maru, the more he hated himself for what he become. He desperately wanted freedom.

 

Koki's love for Maru had been like a light coming on in Koki's soul. One day, Maru was simply his friend. The next, Koki realized he couldn't see a life without Maru.He publicly called Maru his partner. But he had never taken their relationship any further then just friends

 

So Koki tried to be happy with just being friends with Maru. It had been hard. But he knew it was for the best. Maru was so wonderful; he didn't deserve someone like him.Maru was Koki's first love. There was so many things that Koki wanted to share with Maru. But he had to repress his feelings. He wasn't good for Maru.

 

. One of the ground rules of being Johnny-sama's favorite was no kissing. Kissing showed love, a weakness. So Koki had never kissed anyone. He desperately wanted his first kiss to be with Maru.

 

When he returned to his own hotel room, he could hear voices coming from it.

 

"Why haven't you and Koki gotten together?" Ueda asked Maru.

 

"We are he's my best friend."

 

"I mean as lovers, not just friends."

 

"I will never be his lover." Maru's said sadly. . "I have to make myself happy just being his friend."

 

"Do you love him?" Ueda persisted.

 

"How can I not love Koki? He's the other half of my soul. Every day I spend with him, makes me love him even more."He confessed."Please Tat-Chan, don't tell him."

 

"I don't understand, he loves you."

 

"No, I'm just a friend to him." Maru suddenly sounded heartbroken. "I would give anything to wake in Koki's arms, and him tell me he love me. But that will never happen."

 

"Have you told him your feelings?"

 

"How could I?" Maru sniffed. "I don't even want to think of what would happen if he found out."

 

'But youíre miserable."

 

"I would rather be like this, with my one sided love." he said softly... "If Koki knew the truth, he might stop being my friend. I can't live without him. You wouldn't know how it's like. To love someone with all your soul and know he doesn't care for you.""

 

"I do, that's how I feel about Junno." Ueda confessed.

 

The words hit Koki like a hammer. Maru, his Maru had a one sided love for him. He wanted to go into the room, to take Maru into his arms. To give him what they both were craving.But they had a visitor. He would have to do everything in his power to get rid of him.

 

Koki came into the room. Maru wiped his face. His friend had been crying.But he smiled when he saw Koki. The smile Koki had always loved. The smile he realized was only for him. Koki went to the bed and sat beside him.Koki knew that becoming involved with Maru would be very dangerous. But for Koki, Maru was worth the risk.

 

**************************

 

Maru was happy for Ueda.Ueda was going to go to Junno and tell him his feelings. Maru hoped his friend would have some happiness. Maru tried not to think of his own situation. He had to remind himself that it was better to be just friends with Koki, then not have him at all.

 

Maru went to the door and locked it. He could spend some time with his friend. Koki was the bad boy of the group. He always seemed to have some hidden anger living deep inside. But when he was around Maru, everything seemed to change. Gone was the angry Koki, instead, he was a strong person with a surprisingly gentle side.

 

Koki patted the bed beside him."Come here Yu-cha, there's something important I have to talk to you about."

 

"It's too late for us to practice our Tada act." Maru sat on the bed.

 

"No, it's something important. At least it is to me." Koki suddenly looked like something was really bothering him.

 

"You can tell me anything," Maru told him truthfully.

 

Koki looked at his hands."Why am I so afraid?"

 

Maru put his hand on top of Koki's. "If it's really that bad, it's better that you tell me now."

 

"But that's it. It's not bad. It's good."He said."I heard you say something, something that's given me hope for the first time in a long time."

 

"What did I say?"

 

"I overheard you talking to Ueda, about me."

 

. "I didn't want you to hear that. I never wanted you to know." Maru snatched his hand away from Koki's Maru felt very ashamed. "Please Koki; pretend you never heard the words."

 

"I canít do that."

 

"It's better this way." Maru fought back the tears. Koki knew the truth.

 

"Donít' I have a say in this?" He countered.

 

"What's there to say? You don't feel the same way I do." The emotions overcame everything, tears began to roll down Maruís' face. "Please promise me that you'll forget the words."

 

"I will forget the words, if you will listen to me first." Koki said gently.

 

"All right,Ē he agreed.

 

"Do you remember that day we went camping for that TV show?" Koki said softly. "It was two years ago.We had to spend the day fishing. We were supposed to eat what we caught. But I didn't catch anything. The director wanted me to watch you eat. But you didn't care what the director said. You handed me a pair of chopsticks and shared your food with me."

 

"Yes, I remember that." Still the tears fell.

 

"That was when I realized I wanted to spend my life at your side." He reached out, wiping the tears from Maru's cheeks. "You're my life, my world, my love."

 

Maru couldn't believe his ears. "You love me?"

 

"I should have told you earlier. I thought I would loose you if you knew." Koki confessed. "I tried to repress it. I tried to be happy with just being your friend. It was so hard. There were many times all I wanted to do was take you in my arms."

 

"What made you change your mind?"

 

"I over heard what you told Ueda." He said softly. "I thought maybe, there was a chance that my dream could become true."

 

"Koki-Chan," Maru breathed.

 

"Please don't tell me no." It was then that Maru realized that Koki was just as nervous as he was. "I can't live with just being your friend."

 

"You're the other half of my soul, how can I live without that soul?" Maru smiled at Koki. "Don't be afraid. You have me."

 

"I've never kissed a lover." Koki admitted. "I've been taught that Kissing is too intimate. It's a sign of love, weakness."

 

"It's not a weakness to love." Maru said firmly.

 

"Can I kiss you?" Koki asked shyly.

 

"Of course you can kiss me."

 

Koki hesitated for a moment. Maru realized, as strong was Koki was he would have to be stronger. He kissed Koki very gently.

 

****************

 

Maru lay in bed with Koki. He had never been friends with someone before being their lover. Koki hadnít spoken since they made love. He had simply held Maru close to him, running his lips over his forehead.If this was the real Koki, he wasnít too sure he liked him. He was too quiet. Koki had never been this quiet around him.

 

Koki had admitted to him that Maru was Koki's first kiss. Maru though it was really strange. But there were a lot of strange things about Koki. Most of them Maru tried not to think about.

 

Maru decided that he would have to say something. "What are you thinking about?"

 

"Why does it feel like we've been together for years?" Koki asked.

 

ďI feel the same way.ĒHe confessed. "How are we going to explain us to everyone?"

 

"Why should we have to explain?" Koki said hostilely. "It's no one's business who I love."

 

 

Just then, Koki's ketai began to ring. Maru wanted Koki to ignore it. Maru had dreaded the ring of his friend's phone. It only rang at this time of night for one reason. The reason Maru had tried to ignore.

 

"It's Johnny-sama," Maru guessed. "You better answer it."

 

"What I'm going to do. I have to do it. I don't want to." Koki suddenly sounded very guilty.

 

"I know," Maru said softly. "Come back to me when you're finished. I'll be waiting."

 

"You're the only one in my heart."

 

"I love you."

 

Without looking at Maru, Koki picked up his ketai and went into the bathroom. Maru lay back down on the bed, and tried to stop the tears of jealousy that stung his eyes. While they were on the road, Johnny-sama had called Koki frequently for phone sex.It didn't help for Maru to know his lover hated being one of Johnny-sama's favorites. Koki was, and there was nothing Maru could do to stop it.

 

Maru knew what to expect, for he had heard it many times in the past. When Johnny-sama had phone sex with Koki, he expected Koki to pleasure himself very loudly. This time, instead of sounds of passion, Maru could hear yelling. Koki was frustrated.

 

"Love isn't a weakness! It's not!" Koki yelled. I want to quit being your favorite!"

 

Maru was no longer jealous. He was worried for Koki. If Koki kept yelling at Johnny-sama, there was a good chance he could get fired.

 

"Yes! I accept probation on your terms!" Koki said very quickly. "As long as Yu-Chan is at my side, I donít' care what you do to me!"

 

Koki returned a few moments later. He kicked the trash can over and over until the sides had caved in. Then he picked it up and threw it against the wall.

 

"I HATE THAT MAN!"Koki bellowed. He picked the can back up, and threw it again. Then he flung his suitcase against another wall. It hit a mirror with a loud crash. The pieces of the mirror fell to the ground.

 

"You're in trouble aren't you?" Maru guessed. "You shouldn't have yelled at Johnny-sama."

 

"Did you really want me to continue being his favorite?" Koki countered. "You would have to share me."

 

"I don't want to share you!" Maru said in a rush.

 

Koki picked up the one chair in the room and threw that. It smashed the other mirror in the room.

 

Maru knew Koki was dangerous when he was in this kind of mood. He had in his frustration trashed other hotels before.

 

Maru had to dunk when Koki picked up a lamp and hurled it near him. Still, he tried to stay calm. "You have to calm down! Do you want everyone in the hotel to hear you?"

 

"I hate him. He took my innocence." He leaned against the wall, his fists clenched and unclenched. "Everyone thinks the favorites have the best life. But we don't. I'm a prisoner, nothing but a slave!"

 

"You're not a slave."

 

"I talked to Johnny-sama He gave me my freedom."Koki told him. "Now you're the only one in my life."

 

"He could fire you for this." Maru pointed out.

 

"I don't care." Koki said truthfully. "If I have to spend my life making soba, I will be happy if I have you."

 

"He's going to punish you!" Maru said firmly.

 

"He all ready has." Tears of frustration began to spill down Koki's cheeks."I agreed to go on probation, on his terms."

 

"That could mean anything." Maru realized.

 

"I know. But once I tasted real love, I couldn't go back to being his whore." Koki slid down the wall. He sat curled up in a ball.

 

Even though Koki was angry, Maru knew that his lover needed him.He went to Koki and knelt on the floor beside him. Then he took Koki into his arms.

 

"Don't touch me!" Koki ordered as he leaned into Maru.

 

"All right, I won't." Maru lied. He began to rock Koki back and forth, chanting to him that he loved him.

 

Long minutes passed, as Maru helped calm his friend. Then He felt Koki's lips kiss his cheek. He turned, and Koki was kissing him.

 

"I'm free," Koki said between kisses. "I'm only yours."

 

Maru thought it sounded too simple. Johnny-sama never let anyone off that easily. But he didn't want to fight Koki. His questions could be answered later. Instead he let Koki ease him to the floor and love him. Maru had Koki, and that was the only thing that mattered.