Title: New Beginning

Author: Kyoko Godaikun

Email: kyoko_godaikun@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don’t own Domoto Koichi or Domoto Tsuyoshi. They own each other.

Warning: This story contains Bishonnen Ai. Do not read if you are offended by Male/male love

Warning two: This story discusses non-consensual sexual abuse and violence. Do not read if you are offended by this

Archiving: The only place that has permission to archive this story is Katrinka’s page. No one else may archive this without the express permission of the author!


Time: Summer 1996



Domoto Tsuyoshi was cleaning the main room of the senior dorms. It was a fairly easy job.   He didn't mind. He thought of it as keeping himself useful. So when everyone else was enjoying the Saturday afternoon, he was working. He had thrown on an old T-shirt and a pair of shorts. He didn't care how he looked when he was cleaning. He was caring a plastic trash bag; he stopped at a table which was covered with used paper cups and plates. He picked each one up and put it in the bag.


"Are you sure you don't want me to help?" Okada Junichi asked from a table in the corner. 


"It's okay, finish your homework." He gave a half smile.  He could see himself in Okada. Perhaps it was because they both where from the Kinki region. They could speak to each other, and no one would tease them about their accents.


"Why do you do this everyday?" The teenager asked. He had all of his school books out on the table. Because of his busy schedule he had to catch up with homework.


"When you get my age, you'll understand." Tsuyoshi went to the next table. There wasn't as much trash on it. Just a few paper towels and a plate was on it.


"You're not old! You're only a year and a half older then me!'  The teenager insisted.


Tsuyoshi gave another smile. His friend still didn't realize an idol had to be young. Tsuyoshi was getting older every day. He had to make himself useful so that management wouldn't think he was a burden.


"You know, if you don't get back to work, you'll never be able to have some free time." Tsuyoshi teased.


"You sound just like Yuki-chan. I mean Sakamoto." Okada corrected quickly.


Tsuyoshi gave another smile. He knew that Okada had a huge crush on his V6 leader. "See, you should listen to your sempai's."


"Yes sir." Okada went back to his homework. 


His fellow Kinki Kid came into the room. Even on a Saturday afternoon, Koichi was impeccably dressed.  His casual clothes made him look like a male model.  Koichi had always taken pride in his looks.  The Kinki Kids where one of the top groups in the agency. Tsuyoshi knew that most of their popularity rested on his handsome friend's shoulders.


Koichi gave his partner the look, as he thought of it. The look was a long lingering sweep of his body. One that made him feel as if he was nude. "How's the cleaning coming?"


"Great." He nodded at Okada. The young man was his friend, but he knew he couldn't trust him fully. He had this terrible habit of reporting what he saw to management.


Koichi gave him a half smile.  "Tsuyoshi, can you help me check the rice?"


"I'm busy." It was a game they played. Koichi was in charge of the rice, but that was an extremely easy chore. His need of help was more about the need to be alone with his partner.


"There are bags and bags of rice. I'll need some help." Koichi paused. "Please."


"I could use a break." Tsuyoshi smiled. He got to his feet and walked to the pantry.  He turned for a second. The younger boy was watching them.  Okada quickly began reading again.


*Why can't he leave well enough alone?* He asked himself. 


A few seconds later, Koichi followed. He joined the younger man in the pantry, and locked the door.


Koichi grabbed Tsuyoshi and shoved him against the sacks of rice. He began to kiss him passionately.

His lips left his friend's, and he began to nuzzle his neck.  "I've needed this."


"So have I." Tsuyoshi dug his fingers into his friend's hair.


"Tsu-chan, I want to make love to you." Koichi rubbed himself against Tsuyoshi. Through his thin shorts, he could feel Koichi's hardness.


Tsuyoshi pulled away from Koichi. He turned his back to him. “This is against the rules."


"If we love each other, what do the rules matter?" he asked. "We've been sneaking around for a long time. Don't you want to be my lover?"


"Of course I do!"


"Then why don't we?" Koichi put his arms around Tsuyoshi's waist, his hand reached around caressing the younger man's hardness.  Tsuyoshi moaned, and pushed himself against his friend. "I'm tired of waiting."


It took all of Tsuyoshi's will to break away from Koichi.  "If we're caught, I’ll be forbidden to see you. I can't loose you!"


"No one's here. We won't get caught." Koichi put his arms back around Tsuyoshi.


"Okada watched us come in here." Tsuyoshi reminded him. "He's the Manager's spy. We'll get in trouble."


"You're right." Koichi grudgingly agreed.


Tsuyoshi made up his mind.  "I do want you to make love to me."


"Why don't we tonight? After curfew come to my bed." Koichi let go of him.   "I just wish we could really be going together."


"We are." Tsuyoshi turned back around. This time it was Tsuyoshi's turn to kiss his friend.  It took all his self control not to pull his partner to the floor.  He wanted Koichi as much as his friend wanted him. 


"I want to be your boyfriend. A real boyfriend that doesn't have to sneak into storage rooms to kiss." He looked away from Tsuyoshi. "I hate having to do that."


 "I don't like this way either." 


"I wish we could be true roommates. I want to wake up in your bed."  Koichi confessed. "I want to take you out, and show you off as mine."


"I want to give you something." Tsuyoshi took a ring off his finger. "As long as you wear this, we will be together."


Koichi let Tsuyoshi slip the ring on. "It's like it was meant to be there."


"Just like I was meant to be at your side."


"I want you to have this."  Koichi took off one of his rings. He put it on his lover's right index finger. "I'll always protect you."



Tsuyoshi could hear Katori Shingo yelling for him. "I forgot, I was supposed to give him a back rub."


Koichi nodded. "It's okay, go to him."


"Are you sure?"


He tried to smile "We'll be together tonight."


Tsuyoshi left the pantry.  He looked back to his friend. "I love you."


Koichi's smile faded. "Hurry up. We can't be found together."





"Ko-chan, I've been looking for you." Koichi heard Mabo say as soon as he left the pantry. "I need your help."


"What's wrong?"


Mabo grabbed Koichi and pulled him into the pantry. He could hear the door slam, then lock. The man shoved Koichi against the stack of rice bags. The taller man unbuckled his pants, and unzipped them. 


"What are you doing?" Koichi demanded.


Mabo grabbed Koichi's chin in a clamp, and squeezed tightly. "Stop acting like a virgin. It doesn't suit you."


Koichi tried to get away from the drummer. "This isn't a good idea."


"You didn't say that yesterday. Didn't you like what we did?" Mabo sneered.



"What we've been doing is wrong." Koichi said firmly. "It won't happen again."


"Why? What's changed?"


"I'm in love with Tsuyoshi.  I won't cheat on him anymore." Koichi decided. "I'm leaving. Don't come after me."


"You really think telling me your in love with someone will make you stop seeing me?" The drummer gave him another hard shove. Mabo put his hand inside of Koichi's shorts, manipulating his penis. "You're hard. You know you want me."


"I don't want you!"


"Remember my promise. If you stop our little meetings, I'll tell your precious Tsuyoshi on you." Mabo threatened. "Then you won't have me, and you won't have Tsuyoshi."


"You wouldn’t' do that."


"Have you forgotten the evidence I have against you?" he continued. "I'll tell the Manager about your sleeping around. He won't be pleased that you broke the rules." Mabo pulled Koichi's pants down, then he turned the teenager around, pushing him stomach first against the sacks of rice.  "Now I have something else to tell our manager. You're in love.  You don't have a choice. What will the manager do when he find out your in love?"


Koichi knew exactly what would happen. The manager would call for Tsuyoshi, and his friend would be severely punished.  There was even a chance that Tsuyoshi could become the new favorite. He had to protect Tsuyoshi. "Get it over with."


"I knew a slut like you could see reason." He could hear Mabo opening the container of lube. A few seconds later, the drummer pushed his way into Koichi. He grabbed a handful of the younger man's hair and began to thrust hard. 


"Let go of my hair!" Koichi gasped.


"Shut up!" Mabo gave a hard yank on his hair. "You do what I say, not the other way around."


Koichi had to bite his lower lip. It hurt this time. He closed his eyes and thought of Tsuyoshi.  It was finished quickly. Koichi could hear Mabo zip his pants.


"I want you tonight."




"After curfew, I'll meet you in the bathroom."  With that, the drummer left.


Koichi pulled his shorts back up. He looked down to Tsuyoshi's ring. His best friend wanted a commitment.  *What would you say if you knew about this?*





Koichi walked past Shingo's bedroom, the door was open. In the half light he could see Tsuyoshi on top of Shingo. His shirt was off, and he was straddling the tall man's legs. Half of his body was covered. The larger man moaned every time he moved.


"That's good," Shingo groaned.


"Do you like it like this?" Tsuyoshi's voice was deeper then usual. . His fingers touching a place on Shingo's back. As he did, his   hips moved into him.


*I don't believe this!* Koichi thought, a wave of jealousy swept over him. *Tsuyoshi's making love to him!*


Tsuyoshi turned and looked at Koichi. His eyes were dark with passion. He stopped what he was doing.


"Tsuyoshi, don't stop." Shingo moaned. "It feels so good."


"Ko-chan, what are you doing here?" Tsuyoshi asked.


The taller man turned his head towards Koichi. "Why don't you join us? He can do you next. Tsuyoshi's really good at this."



Without saying anything, Koichi turned and left. He needed some time alone, to think. He walked without thinking, the anger of finding Tsuyoshi with Shingo.  He felt betrayed. The man he thought of as a pure prince was just like him.


Koichi found himself in the yard behind the dorms.  There wasn't much to it, a storage shed, some benches and a basketball goal.  Koichi sat down on a bench.  Tears stung his eyes. He could still see his friend in his mind.


*You said you where a virgin.* he thought. *You lied to me. You're sharing yourself with others."


A few minutes passed. He could hear the back door open then shut.  Then Tsuyoshi said. "So that's where you went."


He didn't look at his friend. "I wasn't lost."


Tsuyoshi sat down on the bench beside him. "What are you doing out here?"


"I'm thinking." he wiped the tears from his face. 


"It's really nice out here." 


"Not its not." he lied. His friend was right, it was nice.


Tsuyoshi reached out, taking his hand. Koichi snatched it away. His partner looked at him confused. "What's wrong?"


"I thought you would stay with Shingo tonight." Koichi tried to control the jealousy that was trying to block everything else.


"Why on earth would I do that?"  He sounded truly confused. "I gave him a back rub. What's so special about that?"


"I saw the two of you together!" the words caught in his throat. "You’re a whore, a slut!"


Tsuyoshi flinched. "I've been true to you."


"Sure you have. Tell me, do you go straight to someone every time we're finished?" He accused. "I know your doing it with other people!"


Tsuyoshi looked like he was going to cry. “How could you believe I'd cheat on you?"


"When you go out, do you give head to your other friends?" The anger he felt exploded. "Or strangers? How much do they pay you?"


"I love you! How can you think that about me?" He gasped. "I'm a virgin!"


"I changed so I could be with you!" Koichi yelled. "If you wanted me to change, why didn't you? Why couldn't you stop sleeping with others?"


"I've never cheated on you!" a tear rolled down Tsuyoshi's cheek. "You're the only one in my life!"


"Stop lying!" He slapped Tsuyoshi hard across the face. "We're over! Do you understand me? Over!"


Koichi got to his feet, and stormed off.



Tsuyoshi decided to hide in the gym. He found an out of the way corner.  No one would find him there, not on a Saturday afternoon.  Tsuyoshi fought back the tears that threatened to take over everything. But no matter how hard he fought, the tears came. 


*Why does it hurt so much?*


"Why did I have to fall in love with you?" He asked the wall. *Why can't you believe I'm a virgin?"


He looked at the ring on his finger. Koichi's ring. "You gave me your ring. I thought that meant you trusted me."


Tsuyoshi could hear the sound of someone moving around outside the gym. He hoped it was Koichi. He could see in his mind's eye, his friend telling him that it was all a horrible mistake. Kissing him, telling him it was all a bad dream.  Giving him the love he had craved during their relationship.



Then Tsuyoshi could hear the unmistakable sound of someone dragging a large piece of exercise equipment to the middle of the floor. Tsuyoshi looked up. Shingo had moved something that looked like a tackling dummy into the gym. He gave the dummy an experimental kick. Satisfied, he began to practice his high kicks.  Tsuyoshi watched as the Smap member practiced his karate.


Once, when Smap had first been formed, Shingo had been picked on by just about everyone.  Small, young, Shingo had been an easy target for bullies. That was, until he took up karate.  Now he was a very tall man with a black belt. It didn't help that Shingo had a bad temper. He had been known to kick someone in the face and ask questions later.


After quite some time, Shingo finally realized Tsuyoshi was watching him. He went to his side. "What are you doing here?"


"I wanted to think," Tsuyoshi wiped a tear from his face. He couldn't let his friend see him cry.


Shingo put a finger under his chin, and turned his face. "Something's happened. It was Koichi wasn't it?"  He said the name like a curse. "He's said something to you, hasn't he? Did he break up with you?"


"We're partners in Kinki Kids, nothing else." Koichi told him.


"You’re lying. Every time you look at him, I know you love him." Shingo's eyes turned hard. "You're my friend. My brother. I can tell when something's going on. So what did he do?"


"He says he saw the two of us making love." 


"He didn't believe that you only gave me a back rub?" Shingo asked. "You had your pants on. Didn't he see that?"


"I suppose he didn't."


"Koichi is an idiot."


"He won't believe I'm a virgin." Tsuyoshi confessed. The tears returned.  "He called me a whore, a slut. He says I sell myself. Why would he call me those things?"


"Because that's what he is!" Shingo pulled his friend into his arms.  "Everyone in the agency knows that if you need sex you go to Koichi. He'll let anyone do anything to him."


"Koichi's changed. He's not like that anymore."


"He only did that to win you over." Shingo stroked his hair. "Just yesterday I saw him going alone to a practice room with Mabo. The only thing he's changed is where he sleeps with someone."


"I can't believe I trusted him." Tsuyoshi's remaining walls came down. He began to sob. His friend stroked his hair, promising Koichi would never hurt him again.





Koichi walked. He spent most of the evening walking. With every step, he tried to block Tsuyoshi out of his mind. When they had began to go together, he had promised not to fall in love. He had told his mind. But he had forgotten to tell his heart.


He looked at Tsuyoshi's ring. "Why would you give me your ring if you weren't going to be true to me?"


It was close to curfew. Koichi would have to go back to the dorms. If he didn't, the manager would probably send people out looking for him.


*I don't want to go back.* Koichi realized. *I need time, Time to think.*


Koichi all ready had a hiding spot. It was a small gardening closet that was attached to the back of the dorm.  He sat in a corner and began to mull over his problems. He wondered if he had totally changed, would it have been different. It was very difficult for Koichi to remain true to Tsuyoshi. He had always shared his love.  In the six months he had been with Tsuyoshi he had strayed only a few times.


Seeing Tsuyoshi with Shingo had hurt Koichi. Now that he was calmer he realized he was a hypocrite. Koichi had held Tsuyoshi up to a higher standard then he could keep. How could he expect his boy friend to stay true to him, when he couldn’t? He now knew the hurt that Tsuyoshi had felt all those times he found someone in Koichi's bed. 


Suddenly the door to the shed opened. "So that's where you're hiding!" Shingo yelled. He grabbed Koichi by his shirt, and pulled him into the yard. "He loves you? Do you know that?"


"Who loves me?" Koichi asked confused.


"Tsuyoshi! He would give his life for yours! You repay him by breaking his heart?!" The high kick came out of no where. Shingo's foot slammed into Koichi's nose. He could hear the bone breaking. Then the blood began to flow. Koichi found himself falling. He landed on his arm, he could hear something pop. Then there was an almost indescribable pain in his arm.


"What are you doing?" Koichi pulled his arm close to him. He didn't fight back. The pain from his injuries kept him from fighting. Besides, Shingo had training in martial arts. He knew that the older man was dangerous.


"No one breaks my friend's heart and gets away with it." Shingo kicked him hard in the ribs. "Do you really think he's like you? He's not a slut!"


Koichi cried out in pain.  Then he gasped. "I'm not a slut."


"Then tell me three people in the dorms you haven't slept with! I don't mean juniors either!" Another kick, then there was as horrible pain in Koichi's side.


Koichi didn't say anything. He curled up in a ball.  He hoped beyond hope that Shingo would stop hurting him. 

Shingo grabbed Koichi's shirt, and pulled him to his feet.  "You don't deserve him. Unlike you, Tsuyoshi wouldn't cheat."


"I don't cheat on Tsuyoshi. I've changed."


"You've really changed?" Shingo said sarcastically. "I use the practice rooms to study my lines for dramas. About twice a week you and Mabo use one of the rooms."


"We're just working on a song."


 "Tsuyoshi might believe that, but I won't!" Shingo thundered.  "Yesterday the two of you started undressing each other before you even went into the room."


"I've only strayed a few times." Koichi said. "I'm true to Tsuyoshi."


"If you where true to him, you wouldn't stray!" Shingo kicked him again.  "How is Tsuyoshi going to feel once he finds out you cheated on him?"


"If you’re going to kill me, get it over with. I deserve it." the blood kept flowing.



"You're going to find Tsu-chan. You're going to apologize to him. Then you're going to leave him alone!" Shingo ordered.


"What will happen if I don't?"


"I'll turn you into our manager myself! I'll tell him how you've whored yourself. How you slept with others, including me, when you where his favorite!" Shingo threatened. "Now do what you’re told!"


Koichi walked to the clothes line and took a towel off of it. He pressed the towel against his bleeding nose.  His whole body hurt, and he was beginning to get dizzy. He didn't care about being turned in. All he cared about was Tsuyoshi. He had to apologize to him. He went off in search of his friend.




Koichi found Tsuyoshi in the gym. His best friend was sitting on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest. He was staring at the floor.  Koichi went to him, close but not touching. Koichi's body was beyond hurting.  But the pain didn’t matter. He had to talk to his friend.


"Tsu-chan." Koichi began. His voice sounded strange, what with the towel pressed against his nose. His side ached, and his arm. His arm hurt too much to move. He hugged it close to his body.


"I want to be alone." his friend said quietly.


Instead of leaving, the older man sat down behind him. He didn't want his friend to see his bleeding nose. He knew he couldn't explain the blood on his clothes.  "When I saw you and Shingo....I was jealous."


"There's nothing to be jealous of. You don't own me." Tsuyoshi said coldly.


"I know." Koichi couldn't help but notice the towel was soaked with blood. "I thought our relationship was special."


"It's over between us."


"I'm sorry."  Koichi took a handkerchief out of his pocket and pressed it against his nose. It wouldn't stop bleeding.  He never had a nose bleed as bad as this one. The nosebleed didn't both Koichi as much as the pain from his arm and side.


"Why did you think I was with him?"


"I thought I saw the two of you together in bed." It was getting hard to breathe. "It looked like you where making love to Shingo."


"You thought I was having sex with Shingo?" Tsuyoshi asked incredulously. "When did you see this?"


"This afternoon." He gasped.  "You were on top of Shingo, in bed."


"Was I dressed?"


"You where covered up. I could see that you weren't wearing a shirt."


"What business is it to you if I take my shirt off?"


"It's okay. I don't own you. You have the right to be with whom ever you want." The pain in his side got worse. "I was wrong. I jumped to conclusions. I know you didn't make love to him."


"The words you called me. I am not a slut, I am not a whore. I would never sell myself."


"I'm sorry I didn't trust you." He looked down to the puddle of blood that was forming on the floor. The more he talked, the more his nose bleed.


"Shingo told me that you were with Mabo yesterday." Tsuyoshi told him.  "Why did you cheat on me?"


"Until I saw you with Shingo, I didn't realize how much I hurt you by straying.  I've done too much to you to be forgiven." Koichi told him. "I'm sorry, I'm very sorry."


"How many times were you with him?" Tsuyoshi wiped another tear. "Please tell me the truth."


"Mabo's blackmailing me. If I don't sleep with him, he'll turn us into the manager." Koichi felt his own tears fall.  "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."


"Mabo's blackmailing you?" Tsuyoshi sounded as if he didn't believe his friend.


"He has evidence. I've seen it."


Tsuyoshi turned to him, and gasped. "What happened to your face?"


"It got in the way of Shingo's foot." Koichi tried to joke. He tried to ignore the blood and the almost indescribable pain.


"Why would Shingo hurt you like that?"


"I broke your heart."  He told him. "I deserve this pain. I want to give you something." Koichi took off Tsuyoshi's ring and handed it to him. "I don't deserve it."



"Don't worry about that now."  Tsuyoshi put the ring in his pocket. "Your arm, is it all right?"


"I think its broken." he admitted.  "I fell on it. Shingo didn't break it."


"How did it happen?" Without waiting for the answer he said. "I bet Shingo kicked you and you fell on it."


Koichi nodded. Even with the pain he couldn't lie to Tsuyoshi.


"Let me see your nose." Tsuyoshi went to him, touching his face. He pulled the now soaked rag from it.

Tsuyoshi examined it. "I think it's broken. We need to get you to a hospital."


"No, I don't want to go there." Koichi told him. "I deserve what Shingo did to me. I betrayed you!"


"How long has your nose been bleeding?" Tsuyoshi asked when there was no response. "Too long I bet. We're going to the hospital, if I have to carry you myself!"



Tsuyoshi ran into the main room of the dorm.  Shingo was working on a puzzle at a table. Joshima whom everyone called Leader was sitting with his friend, reading the paper.  The leader of Tokio had been talked into being the dorm parent to the senior's dorm.


"Leader, can you take us to the hospital?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"You want to go to the hospital?" Leader asked warily.


Shingo looked up from the puzzle. "Who needs to go to the hospital?"


"Koichi, he’s been beaten badly. I think he has at least two broken bones." Tsuyoshi couldn't help but shudder. "There's blood everywhere. His nose won't stop bleeding."


"Where is he?" Leader asked.


"He's in the gym."


"Has he said how it happened?" Shingo's eyes narrowed.


"He hasn't told me." He lied.  It took all his willpower not to hit his friend. 


"Are you sure you don't know how it happened?" Leader asked.


"We can talk about that later! I don't care how he was injured." Tsuyoshi tried to control his temper. "Koichi is seriously hurt. He needs help!"


"Let's go." the leader ran to the gym, followed closely by Tsuyoshi and Shingo.  Shingo knelt beside Tsuyoshi.


Koichi tried to move away from him. "Stay away from me."


Leader gestured, and Shingo moved away from Koichi.  Leader then knelt beside him. "What happened to you?


The injured man looked at the floor. "Someone jumped me from behind. I didn't see who it was."


"You where mugged. We need to tell the police."


"No! No police!" Koichi insisted. "I'll be all right. Just give me some time to catch my breath."


"I think he must have been hit in the head." Shingo told Leader. "He's acting very confused."


"That's why I thought he needed to go to the hospital." Tsuyoshi glared at Shingo, who took a step back. 


"How long have you been bleeding?" He asked.


"I don't know." Koichi admitted.


"Please, let me see your arm." Shingo moved near Koichi. "I won't touch it."


"Keep your hands off of me." Koichi lashed out at him.


"Can you move your arm?" Leader asked.


"No, it hurts too much." He admitted.


Leader looked at it without touching it. "It's broken. I'll call for an ambulance." Leader took out his ketai and made the call.


"You deserved what you got." Shingo hissed at Koichi.


Something inside Tsuyoshi snapped. He jumped on top of Shingo. The blow knocked the larger man off balance. He fell to the floor. Then Tsuyoshi began to beat on him. The taller man grabbed his wrists, preventing him from hurting him.


"What the hell is going on?" Leader demanded.


"How could you?" Tsuyoshi began fight against him. "Koichi's your friend!"


"Stop it Tsu!" Leader ordered.


"Why are you attacking me?" Shingo demanded.


"Look what you did to Ko-chan!" Tsuyoshi continued to struggle. "You took it on your own to beat up my boy friend! Who gave you the right to hurt him?"


"Wait a second." Leader said. "Shingo attacked him? Tsuyoshi is that true."


"I deserved it." Koichi said.  "I betrayed Tsuyoshi."


"Shingo hurt you because you betrayed Tsuyoshi?" Leader asked unbelieving.



"Yes, I did." Shingo admitted.


"You can never answer names with your fist!" Leader closed his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them. “If management finds out about this, you could be fired!"


"Perhaps that’s' what I deserve." Shingo said quietly. He let go of Tsuyoshi's wrists. "Do what you will with me. If you want to hurt me, I won't fight back."


"Tsuyoshi! It won't stop until you stop it." Leader snapped. "Get off of him."


"I hate you!" Tsuyoshi got off of Shingo.


"Don't hate him." Koichi told his partner. "He hurt me because he loves you."


"I'm not interested in Tsuyoshi!" Shingo growled.


"You love him like a brother, Shingo. You've told me that." Koichi gasped. "You protected your brother when you hit me."


"Yes, I did." Shingo admitted. "I couldn't see you hurt, Tsu-chan."


"I'm sorry Tsuyoshi. I'm really sorry I didn't believe in you." Koichi told him.  "I'm sorry I strayed."


"Don't worry about us right now." Tsuyoshi went to Koichi. He reached out, touching him.   "I'll stay at your side forever."


"I'll change." Koichi promised. "I won't give you reason to doubt me again."


There was a sound of sirens. Okada came running into the gym, followed by paramedics with a stretcher. A police officer also followed.


"What happened?" the officer asked.


"He was mugged." Leader lied. "When we found him, we called you."


"Who’s in charge here?"


"I am." Leader said.  "I'm the dorm parent."


"I need the names of everyone here." The officer took out his memo book.


"Can't we do that later?" Tsuyoshi asked. "Koichi's hurt. He needs help."


"No one leave until I get to interview them."  The officer turned to Koichi.  "Did you see who attacked you?"


"I was hit from behind." Koichi lied. "There was a gang of them. They over powered me."


"Are you sure you didn't see their faces?"


"No, I'm sorry. I didn't."


The paramedics walked past the officer. One began to examine Koichi.  He raised two fingers. "How many fingers do you see?"


"I see two." Koichi told him.


"Can you walk?"


"I get dizzy when I walk."


The paramedics helped Koichi onto the stretcher.  They then helped Koichi lay down, and they strapped him down. Tsuyoshi looked at Koichi. Their eyes met for a brief instant.


"I'll see you at the hospital." Tsuyoshi promised.


The paramedics raised the stretcher so that it was at waist level. Tsuyoshi watched them wheel his best friend out of the gym.



"I'll have to file a report. Can I interview everyone who saw him in this condition?" The officer asked.


"Of course." Leader told him.  "It was just the four of us."


'This is a big dorm. Why are there only four people here?"


"It's Saturday, all most everyone is out enjoying the weekend."


The officer went to Tsuyoshi. "What is the name of the injured man?"


"His name is Domoto Koichi." Tsuyoshi told him.


The man wrote it down. "What is your name?"


"Domoto Tsuyoshi."


"Are the two of you related?"


"No, we're not." Tsuyoshi admitted.


The man eyeballed him. "You look familiar to me, very familiar. Do you have a police record?"


"I've never been in trouble with the law."


"Then why do you look so familiar to me?"


"I've been in several dramas." Tsuyoshi told him. "Koichi and I have a television show."


"Tsuyoshi is part of an idol group called the KinKi Kids." Leader told the officer.


"Oh, the KinKi Kids." the officer smiled. "My daughter has a poster of you on her wall. Can I have an autograph?"


"Of course you may." Tsuyoshi took the officer's notebook and signed a blank piece of paper.  He handed it back to the officer. "Do you need me to answer any more questions?"


"No, that will be all." The officer turned to Leader and began to ask him questions.


Tsuyoshi went to the bleachers and sat down. He couldn't help but notice that the officer got signatures from Shingo, Leader and Okada too. His mind went to Koichi. He hoped the officer hurried up. He wanted to be with his partner.




Tsuyoshi sat in the waiting room.  Because he wasn't related to Koichi he wasn't allowed to be with him in the exam room.  Koichi had cheated on him. He kept turning the fact over and over in his mind.  Koichi had insisted that he had changed. But had he really? Tsuyoshi was hurt by Koichi's admission.  He thought their relationship was special.


Tsuyoshi came to a decision. He would have to break up with Koichi. Tsuyoshi needed time away from his friend to work out his feelings. He decided that he would have to wait until Koichi got out of the hospital before he would make the break. Koichi was injured, as angry as he was with Koichi, he couldn't leave him alone while he was hurt.


"Leader, would it be too hard for me to get a new roommate?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"It would be easy. I just have to find someone who would like to move in with you." Leader said. "Why do you want to change roommates?"


"I don’t want to discuss it now."


Leader who was sitting beside him leaned forwards and whispered into Tsuyoshi's ear. "What's the truth about what happened with you and Koichi?"


"You won't tell anyone else?" When Leader nodded, Tsuyoshi told him. "Koichi saw me giving Shingo a back rub. He thought I was having sex with him."


"Did you?"


"There's only Koichi. I wouldn't cheat on him." Tsuyoshi took a deep breath and let it out. "Koichi didn't trust me. He broke up with me."


"Koichi is an idiot."


"Shingo told me that Koichi's been sleeping with Mabo." Tsuyoshi paused. "Koichi confessed to me. He told me that Mabo was blackmailing him."


"Koichi said that Mabo was blackmailing him?" Leader repeated.


"I'm not sure I believe Koichi." Tsuyoshi looked down to his ring. "I'm not sure I'll stay with him. But right now he needs me. I have to put my hatred for him aside, and think of him."


"Excuse me; I need to make an important call." Leader went to a corner and took out his ketai.


 Tsuyoshi realized that he shouldn't have told Leader what Koichi had said. The man had enough to worry about without hearing Tsuyoshi's problems.  Tsuyoshi looked at his finger, to the ring that Koichi had given him. He took it off, and put it in his pocket. 



"If you need a new roommate, I'd be willing to move in with you." Okada told him.  Okada was a friend of his, but he couldn’t trust him fully.


"Not getting along with Ken?" Tsuyoshi guessed.


"Most of the time I sleep on the couch in the main room." The boy looked concerned. "When Koichi dated, did you have to sleep somewhere else?"


Tsuyoshi looked at his friend. "Can we not talk about Koichi?"


"Gomen na. I wasn't thinking."


Tsuyoshi looked at the other person in the waiting room. Shingo sat glumly.  In reality Tsuyoshi's injuries had been Shingo's fault.  His friend had beaten Koichi because Tsuyoshi had been hurt.  Tsuyoshi hoped that the manager believed Koichi's mugging story. Shingo leaned close to him. "Your acting too concerned. Okada's bound to figure out that you’re involved with Koichi."


The doctor came into the waiting room.  "Joshima-san, your friend is in a serious condition."


"What's wrong with him?" Leader turned off his ketai and went to the doctor.


"Domoto Koichi's nose is badly broken. If we operate now, he will probably have a complete recovery." The doctor told him. "He also has broken ribs and his left radius is broken.  He'll have to have surgery on his ribs. One of them is almost completely crushed."


"What about scaring?" Okada asked.


"After the operation, his nose will probably appear normal within a month." The Doctor looked them over. "The problem is funding."


"There is no problem with paying for Koichi's medical care." Leader said. "He's an employee of Johnny's Entertainment."


"Does he know about the surgery?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"I thought it would be best to discuss it with you first." The doctor told him. "I wanted to make sure there was funding enough for the operation before it was brought up to him."


"I understand." Leader told him.


"Come with me." the Doctor said.


"Of course," Leader followed him out of the waiting room.


"Koichi needs an operation?" Shingo whispered.  "I didn't mean to hurt him. I just wanted to teach him a lesson."


"Remind me never to get mad at you." Okada said.


His remark got a glare from Shingo.  "If you tell on me, I'll make sure you're paid back!'


The youngster looked frightened. "I won't tell."


"What will happen if it can't be healed?" Tsuyoshi asked. Even though he was angry with Koichi, he wanted his friend to get better.


"Don't think that way!" Shingo said. "You have to have faith in his getting better!"



Tsuyoshi waited in the surgery waiting room. His friends stayed with him to support him.  He could see the nurse’s station from where he was sitting.  An assistant had come from the manager with authorization letters. The woman was the prim, proper type. Tsuyoshi watched as the woman filled out the necessary paperwork. The woman then handed them to the nurse, and said something to her. She nodded and pointed to the waiting room.


The assistant came into the room. Her eyes set on Okada. "The manager would like you to come with me."


Okada suddenly looked like a trapped animal. "I want to stay here."


"You've been requested. Please come with me." She repeated.


"I won't go!" He said firmly. "I'm not going anywhere!"


 "Do what she says." Leader whispered to him. "It will be worse for you if you refuse."


"You're right." the teenager got to his feet. He didn't look at his friends. He then followed her out of the waiting room.


"Why does he want to talk to Okada?" Tsuyoshi asked Shingo who was sitting on the other side of leader.


"He probably wants him to tattle some more." Shingo said.


"Okada doesn't get a choice in going." Leader told the Smap member.


"Of course he does. He doesn't have to go." he insisted. "He could always tell the manager to go to hell."


"You know what happens when you refuse the Manager." Leader reminded him.


"How do you know he's being abused?" Shingo counted.  "I think he likes being the manager's pet."


The leader glanced at Tsuyoshi. "This isn't the time to discuss this. Tsuyoshi's worried about Koichi."


"Of course," Shingo nodded.


Leader turned to Tsuyoshi.  "What's bothering you?"


"I'm scared." Tsuyoshi admitted. "What would happen if something went wrong?"


"For Koichi's sake, you have to stay positive."


"I'll stay here tonight." He decided. "I want to be at his side when he wakes up."


"Management won't let you." Leader reminded him. "Go to the dorm and stay there tonight. You can visit him in the morning."


"Koichi needs me." Tsuyoshi insisted. "He wants me to be here."


"I know he does." Leader looked around, and then whispered to him.  "Management has spies everywhere. You can't run the risk of your relationship with Koichi being discovered."


"Okada will tell on me anyway."


"What if he doesn't?" Leader pointed out. "Look at what happened with Mori and Nakai. They thought it was safe to go out for just one day as lovers.  Mori is fired, and Nakai is never allowed to be with him again. The same thing could happen to you if you're not careful!"


Tsuyoshi realized it was no use arguing with Leader. "Would you let me stay until Koichi wakes up from the surgery?"


"When we find out Koichi's awake, you'll go back to the dorms." Leader decided.




Tsuyoshi waited in the surgery waiting room. Shingo had left over an hour before.  Leader had stayed with the younger man.  Yamaguchi and Nagase came into the waiting room. Yamaguchi looked at Nagase. "Where’d he go?"


Yamaguchi went back out into the hallway, and pushed Mabo into the room.  The drummer had a black eye and his lip was swollen.  Tsuyoshi rolled his eyes. Tokio was having troubles again.  The group seemed to be either best friends or at each others throats. There seemed to be no middle road with them. 


Tsuyoshi got up and went to the window. He looked out to the night sky.  Tsuyoshi didn't want to look at Mabo. Koichi was having an affair with Mabo.  Tsuyoshi wondered if Koichi had told him about going with Tsuyoshi, or was the man just as much of a victim as Tsuyoshi was?


"You where right Leader." Yamaguchi told him. "Course we had to beat the confession out of him. He just didn't want to admit what kind of a jerk he really is."


"Masahiro has something to give you leader." Nagase gave the drummer a shove.  Mabo handed a piece of paper to Leader. He bowed.


Leader read the paper. "Is all of this true?"


"Everything I put down is the truth." Mabo told him.


Leader went to Tsuyoshi's side. He offered him a paper. "You need to read this."


"It's got nothing to do with me." Tsuyoshi refused the paper. "I really don't want to read about Koichi cheating on me."


"I think you're opinion of Koichi will change if you read this."


Tsuyoshi took the paper away from Leader. He read it.  According to the paper Mabo was blackmailing Koichi. Mabo had proof of all the sleeping around Koichi did when he was the Manager's favorite.  When Mabo found out Koichi's feelings for Tsuyoshi, he began to use that as a blackmail tool.  If Koichi didn't sleep with Mabo, all of the evidence would be turned over to the Manager. There was as very strong chance that Koichi would be fired if that happened.


"Mabo's been blackmailing Koichi?" Tsuyoshi asked. "How do you know Mabo isn't making it up?"


"Why would he make up something like this?" Leader countered. "Mabo's confession only damns Mabo."


Tsuyoshi turned to the drummer. "Is your confession true? Were you blackmailing Koichi?"


"Koichi enjoyed being with me." Mabo sneered. "He begged me to use him."


'Quit lying." Nagase told him. "Tell the truth."


"He was a wild man with me. Koichi's other boyfriend is still a virgin. Can you believe that?" Mabo looked at Tsuyoshi.  "Koichi had to get all of his sexual tension out somehow."


Yamaguchi took Mabo's arm and twisted it behind the drummers back. "Stop being a bad boy. Tell Tsuyoshi the real truth."


"Let go of my arm, and I will!"


Yamaguchi let go of Mabo's arm. The drummer rubbed his wrist. "Koichi hated every minute of being with me." Mabo admitted.  "Most of the time I had to force him to do what I wanted."


"You raped him?" Tsuyoshi gasped.


"It wasn't rape, it was forceful seduction." The drummer boasted. "The last time I took him, I found him in the kitchen. I pulled him into the pantry. He was all ready hard. If he didn't want me, why would he be so excited?"


*He was all ready hard.* Then it dawned on Tsuyoshi. He knew why Koichi had been so excited.  "Have you thought perhaps Koichi had been with me before you found him?"


"It doesn't matter. I don't care what he does with you." Mabo told him. "In the end, he'll always be mine. Just remember that you won't be the only person he'll be with. He'll be with me too."


"Why would you do such a thing?" Leader asked.


"Power, it felt good to hold so much power over someone like Koichi." Mabo said. "He's a slut anyway. It's just a matter of time before he went back to his old ways."



"How many times did it happen?" Tsuyoshi tried hard to contain his anger.


"Not as much as I would have liked. He was always hanging around you. It took a lot of time to get him away from you." Mabo bragged. "I kept a record. It was at least three times a week. He cheated on you. How does that feel knowing that he let me use his body?"


"Shut up!" Tsuyoshi punched Mabo hard in the face. Mabo countered, hitting Tsuyoshi back.


Yamaguchi and Nagase grabbed Mabo, pulling him away from Tsuyoshi. Mabo tried to get away from the other two Tokio members. "Let me go!"



Tsuyoshi moved to hit Mabo again, but Leader grabbed Tsuyoshi around the chest pulling Tsuyoshi into a corner. He didn't struggle to get away. Instead he told Mabo.  "I love Koichi! An idiot like you isn't going to keep him away from me!"


"That's what you think!" the drummer sneered. "It's only a matter of time until Koichi is with me all the time!"


"If I let go of you, will you stay here?" Leader asked Tsuyoshi.


"Mabo isn't worth my getting into trouble." Tsuyoshi admitted.


Leader let go of Tsuyoshi and went to Mabo. "Listen to me, Tokio takes care of its own."


Mabo stopped his struggling. "You can't do anything to me!"


"I'll leave you to Yamaguchi." Leader decided. "He'll decide what punishment you receive."


"Can I use all my bondage gear with him?" Yamaguchi said with a glint in his eye.


"You can use any whip or other disciplining device that you want." Leader told him.


"I will be pleased to discipline Mabo." Yamaguchi grinned. "Trust me; I'll give Mabo a punishment He'll never forget."


"How many days should Mabo be punished?" Nagase asked.


"Mabo's punishments will last three days." Leader decided.


"You can't do that! It's inhuman." Mabo cried.


"Nagase help Yamaguchi get him back to the dorms." Leader told his friend.


"Hai." Nagase said.



The two men pulled Mabo out of the waiting room.


As soon as they where gone, Tsuyoshi asked Leader. "Yamaguchi has whips and bondage devices?"


"Yamaguchi has a certain refined taste." Leader told him. "Most of it involves various devices."


"Is he a masochist?"


"Yamaguchi is a sadist. Don't worry. He only beats those who consent to be beaten." Leader smiled. "Unless he has to punish someone for me."


Tsuyoshi didn't know what to say after that, so he sat thinking about Koichi. He was still angry at Mabo. He realized his friend had been a victim in all of this. He could still remember the times that Koichi had held him and told him he loved him. His finger touched Koichi's ring.  He still loved Koichi.  He took the ring out of his pocket and put it back on.


"I underestimated Koichi." Tsuyoshi finally said.


"It's hard for a person like Koichi to change." Leader told him. "But I think he has changed. He does love you."


Tsuyoshi decided to ask the question that had been bothering him. "Do you think he would cheat on me if he wasn't blackmailed?"


"No, I don't think he would."


"I don't think he would have either." Tsuyoshi realized.  "The next time I see him. I want to tell him I forgive him. Perhaps we can still have a future together."




Koichi woke up.  He tried to move, something hard on his left arm prevented him from being able to move. He couldn't breathe through his nose. He felt confused.  He could remember riding in an ambulance, but not how he received his cast. His confusion was a lot like being drunk, but it was even more then being drunk. It was more like a nightmare.


"How did I get here?" Koichi tried to get up, but he was too weak.


The nurse on duty ignored him as she worked on her paperwork. It was hard for Koichi to see. He had trouble opening his eyes. His face felt like it was very swollen.   He was able to raise his right hand. It was in a splint with an IV tube. Was it the reason he felt so disjointed?  He brought his hand to his nose. There was a bandage on it. He no longer felt pain, just uncertainty. He knew if Tsuyoshi was with him, he would be able to explain what happened.


"Tsuyoshi." Koichi called. "Tsuyoshi." there was no answer, so he called his friend's name louder and louder.


That got the nurses attention, she went to his side. "Please be quiet. You'll wake the other patients."


"I want Tsu-chan."


"You need to go back to sleep."


"I'm not sleeping until I talk to Tsu-chan!" Koichi said stubbornly.


"What's his name?"



"I told you, Tsuyoshi!" Koichi couldn't understand why the woman didn't know who is best friend was. 


"His family name." The nurse seemed to be loosing her patience.


"Domoto, His name is Domoto Tsuyoshi." Koichi told her. "I want Tsu-chan!"


"I'll be right back." the woman left.


"Tsu-chan, I want Tsu-chan." Koichi kept repeating in his uncertainty. It seemed as if a long time passed as Koichi laid there. His bewilderment didn't leave him, instead he seemed more baffled. 


Suddenly a very familiar hand touched his. "It's okay Ko-chan. I'm here."


Someone stood beside him, he had dark hair. The swelling in his face prevented him from seeing much else.  "Tsu-chan, is that you?"


He could feel Tsuyoshi kiss his fingers. "Yes, it's me. You're not dreaming."


"My face, it feels like it's puffed up like a marshmallow." Koichi told him. "I'm having trouble seeing."


"Your face is badly swollen." Tsuyoshi brought Koichi's hand to his face. "Feel me, can you tell that I'm Tsuyoshi?"


Koichi felt the familiar face. "My Tsu-chan."


"My ko-chan." Tsuyoshi put Koichi's hand back down on the bed.


Koichi realized that he owed his best friend an apology. In his confusion he knew that he had hurt his friend badly. "I'm sorry Tsu, I'm so sorry."


"It's okay," Tsuyoshi soothed. "I forgive you."


"Why would you forgive me?" Koichi asked. "I don't deserve it."


"I have to forgive you. I can't live my life without you." Tsuyoshi put a ring on Koichi's finger. "I'll be at your side forever."


"What happened to me? Why am I like this?"


"Do you remember coming to the hospital?"


"Yes, but I don't know how I got a cast."


"You've had an operation on your nose, and another on your ribs." Tsuyoshi tried to explain. "They also put a cast on your broken arm." Tsuyoshi took his wallet out of his pocket. He then placed something on Koichi's dresser.


"What's this?" Koichi asked.


"I thought I'd give you a photo of us. If you're feeling lonely, you can look at it." Tsuyoshi kissed his friend's fingers. Then he moved so that he was close to Koichi's face. He ignored the bandages, and kissed Koichi's lips.  "You need to go to sleep."


"I can't sleep. Need you here with me."


Koichi was surprised when Tsuyoshi climbed into the bed with him.  It was a very narrow fit, but somehow Tsuyoshi was able to keep his balance. Tsuyoshi stretched out beside him.  Then he put his head on Koichi's pillow. "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."


Koichi moved his head so that it was touching Tsuyoshi's. It felt strange, but he needed to cuddle with his friend. As best as he could he tried to snuggle against Tsuyoshi.  Koichi could feel Tsuyoshi stroke his hair. He felt warm and safe with his friend beside him. He couldn't help it. He fell asleep.




Tsuyoshi couldn't sleep.  He was worried about Koichi.  So he used studying as an excuse, and sat in the lounge area.  He tried looking at his books. Tsuyoshi couldn't keep his mind on what he was doing.  All he could think of was his partner. He kept turning over in his mind about what would happen if Koichi's nose couldn't be corrected. Would he be fired? Tsuyoshi was afraid he would never see him again if that happened.


He thought it was strange when Nagase Tomoya announced that he needed to work on lines for his latest drama.  Nagase's drama didn't start filming for another month. There was no need for him to practice lines. Nagase being there made Tsuyoshi feel better.



"Would you like some coffee?" Nagase offered.


"That sounds good." Tsuyoshi picked up a pen and began to doodle on a spare piece of paper.


Nagase poured him some coffee from the flask. He handed it to him. "He'll be back soon."


"Who will be?" he pretended innocence.


"Koichi,” he paused. "I wanted to ask you something. Why on earth would you fall for a slut?"


"Koichi isn't a slut!" Tsuyoshi said firmly.


"Name one person in this dorm he hasn't slept with."


"Domoto Tsuyoshi."


"You've never slept with him?" Nagase sounded as if he didn't believe him.  "Koichi'll drop his pants for anyone. Why not you?"


"I don't have to tell you that."


"Has he told you why he sleeps around?"


"He was the manager's favorite." Tsuyoshi tried to explain. "At least three times a week Koichi would be called to the mansion, He was beaten and raped. He told me that sleeping around makes the pain in his heart go away."


"Leader told me the same thing." Nagase told him.  "He told me that I should stop judging Koichi."


"Stop calling him a slut." Tsuyoshi told him. "Koichi's no longer like that. He's changed." Tsuyoshi closed his eyes. He really didn't want to talk about Koichi's infidelity.  He opened his eyes and asked. "What's the new drama about?"


The door to the lounge opened, and Okada slipped in. One of his eyes had been bruised, and his lip was swollen. His t-shirt had been torn. Tears where pouring down his cheeks.  He sat on the floor, his back against the closed door.  Then his eyes set on the two men in the room.  "Why are you up?"


"I could ask you the same thing." Nagase said.


"I just got in."


"You're only fifteen; you shouldn't be out so late." Tsuyoshi told him.


"What would our manager say if he found out you where out this late?" Nagase added. "Perhaps we should tell on you."


"Please don't," The boy said softly.


"I don't see why we shouldn't. You tell on us often enough!" Nagase said. "I think management might be interested to know that you were up to four in the morning."


"I was supposed to come in without anyone knowing."


"You got caught, and I am going to tell on you." Nagase seemed to be taking pleasure in tormenting the teen.


"Then tell. Perhaps he'll fire me. Then I can go back to Osaka." Okada said.  Then I won't have to worry about all of this."


"I wonder if he's up now." Nagase took out his ketai.


"Please don't call. I don't want to be hurt again!" Okada covered his face with his bruised arms.  Tsuyoshi noticed the boy had bruises on his legs. 


"Stop it Tomoya!" Tsuyoshi snapped.  "Okada's been beaten up."


"Perhaps he got on his boyfriend's nerves." Nagase snapped.


"Our manager isn't my boyfriend!" Okada insisted.  "I hate him."


"Then why are you seeing him?" He put his ketai up.


"I don't get a choice." he pulled his legs up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them. "Do you really think I *want* him to touch me? I die a little each time he makes me sleep with him!"


"I wonder what management would say if it was found out you where sleeping around?"


"I don't sleep around!"


"Then it will be okay if I tell the Manager about Sakamoto." Nagase threatened. "I think he would be interested in knowing his favorite has a boyfriend."


"Please don't tell him about Sakamoto." Okada began to sob.  "He'll beat me worse the next time."


Tsuyoshi realized that Nagase had gone too far. He put his books down. "Leave him alone."


"Why? Don't you think he needs a taste of his own medicine?"


Tsuyoshi went to Okada's side and knelt down beside him. "Our manager knows where you where, doesn't he?"


"I'm not supposed to tell." Okada said.


"He's just like Koichi." Tsuyoshi realized.


"Okada's nothing like Koichi!"


"You don't see, do you?" Tsuyoshi asked. "Management picked a new favorite. One that he tortures, and abuses. One that has to tell on his friends, so that the pain will stop."


"Our Manager's torturing you?" Nagase turned to the boy. "Is that true? You don't like going to him?"


"I hate going to him! I die a little bit every time he touches me!" Okada insisted.  "I would quit but my mother won't let me return home."


"Leader was right, you are a victim." Nagase told him. "I'm sorry I threatened you."


"You two know my secret." he wiped away a tear. "Soon the whole dorm will. I'll be hated even worse then I am now."


"No one will find out." Nagase promised.


"You want revenge. I understand that. I don't deserve any less." Okada wiped his face again. "There are lots of people here who would like to beat me up."


"Why don't you go to bed? We can talk about this in the morning." Tsuyoshi suggested.


"I can't, I'll wake up Ken. He's probably got Morita sharing his bed. I'm not allowed in the room when they're together."  He nodded at the couch. "I'll sleep in here."


"You can stay in my room. You can sleep in Ko-chan's bed." Tsuyoshi offered.


"Are you sure you want a spy sleeping in your room?" Okada asked.


"You're not a spy!" Tsuyoshi helped him up.


"It's all right, go to bed." Nagase agreed.


"But my secret." Okada reminded him.


"It needs to stay a secret." Nagase told him.  "I'll pretend that I didn't see you tonight."







Tsuyoshi had slept through morning visiting hours, so he would have to go in the afternoon.  There wasn't anything to do, besides worry. Leader had taped a note to his door saying that Koichi was doing well. He was asking for Tsuyoshi. After reading the note, Tsuyoshi tried to call Koichi, but his partner wasn't receiving calls.


Tsuyoshi needed to talk to Shingo. He knocked on his friend's door.  Kusanagi answered it. It looked Tsuyoshi over.  "Oh it's you. Come on in."


Tsuyoshi came into Shingo's room. Kusanagi shut the door. Tsuyoshi couldn't help but notice the boxes that were on Shingo's bed.  Tsuyoshi decided to ask. "What's going on?"


"Shingo's been thrown out of the dorm." the older man went back to packing. "He went to the Manager this morning and made a full confession."


"So you're packing for him." Tsuyoshi guessed.


"He's not allowed to step foot in the dorms. So I have to do it." Kusanagi opened a drawer, took something out of it and slammed it shut. Then he threw the item into the box. Tsuyoshi's friend was very angry.


"Is he still in Smap?"


The older man gave Tsuyoshi a withering look. "Of course he's still in Smap. He'll be staying with Nakai until he finds his own apartment."


"Listen, I didn't do anything with Shingo." Tsuyoshi began.


"I know that." Kusanagi interrupted. "Shingo's got a bad temper. He's got to learn to control it." Kusanagi took a few deep breaths, which calmed him down.


"I wonder why his temper's so bad." Tsuyoshi started to help Kusanagi pack.


"He was only eleven when Smap was first formed. The older guys picked on him a lot." Kusanagi told him. "He gets angry when he sees someone picked on. Shingo'll hit first and ask questions later."


"I noticed."


Kusanagi pulled a drawer out of the dresser, and dumped the contents on the bed. "Are you and Koichi really serious?"


"We're going together."  Tsuyoshi shrugged. "I'm not sure what I am to Koichi."



"I bet everyone's tried to dissuade you from going with him." Kusanagi started going through the things on the bed. "Am I right?"


"Yes, they have. I'm sick of everyone telling me that Koichi can't stay true to me."


"Do you believe he can?"


"I trust him." Tsuyoshi said.  "I don't care what everyone else thinks about him. I know Koichi better then anyone."


"I feel the same way about Shingo-chan." he picked up a pile of stuff and threw it in the box.  "Before we started going together, my Shingo slept with just about anything.  It didn't matter to him what the sex of his partner was."


"How long have you been with Shingo?"


"Two years. He promised me he would change, and he did." Kusanagi looked at Tsuyoshi. "He needed my complete trust. When I gave it to him, he changed completely."


"So I need to trust him." Tsuyoshi guessed. "I gave him my ring."


"Good start, but next time you see him. Tell him you trust him." Kusanagi suggested.


"I will." Tsuyoshi promised.


Kusanagi looked around the room. "I think I'm finished. Thanks for helping."




After his talk with Kusanagi, Tsuyoshi decided to go to the gym.  Perhaps if he worked out, he could forget for a while. Tsuyoshi found Nagase all ready there. He was wearing warm up pants and a t-shirt. His long hair was pulled back in a tail.  It took several seconds for Tsuyoshi to realize that his friend was mopping Koichi's blood off the floor.  There seemed to be so much of it. Tsuyoshi didn't remember so much blood.


"Do you want some help?" Tsuyoshi offered.


"I can handle this." Nagase told him.


"Are you going to turn me in?" Tsuyoshi sat down on a bench close to where Nagase was working.


"What for?"


"I'm breaking the rules with Koichi." He reminded his friend. "We aren't supposed to become involved."


"I can't turn you in. If I did, I would have to turn myself in."  Nagase rinsed the mop, and squeezed it out.  "I've been with someone for over a year."


Tsuyoshi fought down the urge to ask Nagase who is lover was.  "This isn't fair. Why can't we be with who we want?"


"I don't know." Nagase began to mop again. "I love Shingeru, you love Koichi. I don't see a problem with that."


"*Leader*? You and Leader?" Tsuyoshi gasped.  "You can have any man in this dorm, and you picked Leader?"


Nagase couldn't suppress his grin. "There's something about men from Nara, isn't there?"


"Leader?" Tsuyoshi couldn't believe his ears. "You never told me you like Leader."


"I know he's a lot older then me, but when we’re together, it seems like we're the same age. The Shingeru I see is different then the Leader everyone else knows."


"Now you know why I love Koichi." Tsuyoshi said. "What I see is a good, honorable man. I want to stay at his side forever."


"I don't think he loves you." Nagase said. "He probably thinks your some kind of conquest."


"Then it's my mistake to make." Tsuyoshi told him.


Leader came into the gym. He glanced at the blood on the floor, and then he looked at Tsuyoshi. "Our Manager has sent a car for you Tsuyoshi."


"Oh god, no." Nagase swore. "Why? Why does he have to go?"


"Okada's told the manager that he saw the two of you go into the pantry together." Leader told him.


"I'm going to be fired." Tsuyoshi groaned.


"Good luck." The leader said sincerely. "Hopefully you won't be gone too long."


Nagase looked at Tsuyoshi. "Please don't tell on us."


"I won't." Tsuyoshi promised. He took a deep breath. He got up and went to the parking lot.






The sun had all ready rose when Tsuyoshi returned to the dorms.  He was wearing only his jeans.  He carried his shoes and his shirt. His back hurt too much to wear his shirt. He was able to slip into his room without being seen. In the half-light of his room, he saw something he had seen many times before.  His room mate Koichi sleeping with his current lover. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he realized that it wasn't Koichi, but Okada. The young man was curled around Sakamoto.


Tsuyoshi knew he should leave, and give the two some privacy. His aching body though otherwise. It took all his strength to get to his bed, and then he lay down. He rolled over, facing the wall.  He closed his eyes, and a few moments later opened them again. The memories of what happened passed through his mind. His wrists still hurt from the rough rope that had tied him. His body ached from the beating.


*I'm sorry Koichi. I wanted you to be my first.* the tears he had held in began to flow.   *Why didn't you tell me love hurt?*


A few minutes passed. He could hear Sakamoto saying very softly. "Junichi, wake up."


"I'm tired Yuki-chan, you kept me up too late." The boy said half asleep.


"Tsuyoshi's back."


He could hear movement in the room. Then Okada asked. "Tsuyoshi, are you all right?"


"Go away." Tsuyoshi wiped the tears from his face.


"Tsuyoshi?" Sakamoto touched his shoulder.


"Leave me alone!" he turned over, lashing out at the V6 leader.  "Don't touch me!'


"What happened to you?" The older man asked.  "Were you with our Manager last night?"


Tsuyoshi wrapped himself in a blanket, and then he went to the closet and curled up in a ball. "Go away, I want to be alone!"


"You've been hurt. We have to help you." He went to Tsuyoshi's side.


"I don't want to be helped!" Tsuyoshi insisted. "Get away from me!"


"Yuki, leave him alone." Okada said.


"Tsuyoshi's been hurt." Sakamoto told him.


"I know that. It was my fault." The younger man explained. "Our manager asked me if I had seen them going off alone together. I mentioned they went into the kitchen together. Then he called for Tsuyoshi."


"You didn't tell him anything else did you?" Sakamoto glared at him.


"No, he beat me and beat me, and I wouldn't say anything else." Okada insisted. "Tsuyoshi's one of my few friends. I couldn't betray him."


Sakamoto sat down next to the closet. "Tsu-chan, are you bleeding?"


"I don't think so." Tsuyoshi looked at him. "I'm not sure. It still hurts."


"It will hurt for a while." Sakamoto told him. "Did he rape you?"


Tsuyoshi nodded. 'You won't tell anyone will you?"


Okada put his hand on Sakamoto's shoulder. "Yuki-Chan’s is good at keeping secrets."


"Does love always hurt this much?"


"What happened to you wasn't love!" The older man insisted. "It was rape. It's an act of violence, not love!"


"Real love feels wonderful." Okada said. "Can't you remember being with Koichi? How did that feel?"


"I am... I mean was a virgin." Tsuyoshi corrected. "How am I going to tell Koichi about this?"


"Koichi will stay at your side." The alarm rang. Sakamoto glanced at it, and then turned it off. "I've got to get to the studio. Will you be all right?"


"I'll be fine." Tsuyoshi lied. "I just need time to think."


The older man put his clothes back on, and then went to the door. Okada followed him. The V6 leader touched his lover's cheek. "Keep your ketai on. I'll call you from the studio."


"I will." Okada promised.


He leaned forward kissing the younger man gently. "Bye."


"See you later, Yuki-chan."


Sakamoto glanced at Tsuyoshi.  "Be careful Jun-chan. We can't be caught."


"Sorry, it just slipped out." he said sheepishly.


Sakamoto kissed Okada one more time, then left. Okada watched him leave, then shut the door.




After Sakamoto left, Okada left Tsuyoshi alone. He felt safe in the closet.  No one would find him there. He kept thinking of Koichi.  He could still remember all the times his friend had come home from visiting the mansion crying. Now Tsuyoshi knew the pain he felt.


*How could you put up with the abuse day after day?*


There was a tapping on the door then Nagase burst in, wearing his school uniform. "Tsuyoshi! If you don't get up, we're going to be late for school." He stopped when he saw Okada.  "What are you doing here?"


"I'm Tsuyoshi's new roommate. I was told to move in yesterday." Okada tried to explain.


"Did our manager send Tsuyoshi back?" He looked around. "Where is he?"


Okada got up, blocking between Nagase and the closet.  "He isn't going to school today."


"What do you mean, he isn't going to school?"


"He’s sick."


Nagase pushed past the younger boy. For the first time he saw Tsuyoshi.  "Oh my god." he turned back to the teenager, hitting him in the face. "This happened because of you!"


"I know that." Okada admitted. "Do you think I *wanted* this to happen to him?"


"Yes, I do!" Another hit, then Nagase turned to his friend. "Tsuyoshi, are you all right?"


"Leave me alone." Tsuyoshi pulled himself into a tighter ball. "Don't make me go to school today."


"Of course you're not going." Nagase put his book bag down. He knelt in front of the closet. He turned to Okada. "Go get Leader."


"Hai!" Okada ran out of the room.


"I don't want to see Leader." Tsuyoshi said. "I don't want anyone to know what happened."


"What did happen?"


"I was punished for breaking the rules."  He wiped a tear off his face.  "Go ahead, go to school. I'll be okay."


Just then Leader came into the room. "Okada said there was an emergency."


"I need you to write two excuse notes, one for me, and one for Tsuyoshi. Say we're sick." Nagase said.


"You're not sick." The leader looked him over. "Besides, this is your senior year.  You're not supposed to miss too much school. You might not graduate if you do."


"Tsuyoshi's been traumatized. He's hiding in the closet." Nagase told him.  "He was punished severely by our Manager. He might be injured."


"He can take care of himself."


"Shingeru, Tsuyoshi wouldn't know what to do if he was hurt.  He was a virgin."


"He was a virgin." Leader grew pale.  "I'll write the notes. Okada can take them to school when he goes."


"I don't want to go to school." Okada told him.


"Do you want to tell our manager that you’re not going?" Leader asked.  "Go take a shower and get ready!"


"Yes leader." Okada grabbed his bath supplies and left the room.


"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Leader said very softly.


"I don't feel like talking." Tsuyoshi told him. "I just want to know how Koichi and Okada live with this everyday. Knowing that at any time, he might call, and you'll be hurt again."


"It's hard. You get afraid of the phone ringing.  A stranger at the door might be someone to pick you up for the Manager." Leader suddenly looked sad. "You'll do anything to fill the pain in your soul. Drinking, drugs, letting other people use your body. But when it's all over, and you've grown too old for him, the fear begins to fade. You begin to realize that the pain you feel isn't your fault."


"Oh kami." Tsuyoshi said, as he realized what he had been told. "How old where you when it stopped?"


'It stopped the day he chose Sakamoto as his favorite." He picked up spiral notebook. "I'll write the notes. The two of you both have a cold."


"Thank you leader," Nagase said.


Tsuyoshi watched as Leader wrote the notes. The news about him and Sakamoto sunk in.  *No wonder Okada's with Sakamoto, he has someone who can truly understand what he's going through.*




Sometime around noon, Nagase had declared that Tsuyoshi needed to eat.  His friend had left to find food. 

He sat in the closet. He wanted to get rid of the feeling that he had.  He felt as if he was dirty, filthy.  Even though Nagase had helped him clean up once, the feeling wouldn't go away.


Tsuyoshi grabbed his robe, and shower things. He went the bathroom.  He locked the bathroom door. He didn't want anyone to see him. He took off his clothes. He walked towards the shower. He saw himself for the first time since the attack.  His body was covered in bruises. He had fought back, and had been punished for it. 


*I don't want to feel this way anymore.* Tsuyoshi turned the shower on, and stepped inside.  *Clean, I have to get clean.*


Memories washed over him as the water fell on him.  Of the pain of his first time, how he had cried during it.  Of the cameras that filmed his humiliation.  How he spent the night being used again and again. 


Tsuyoshi scrubbed and scrubbed himself.  Still, the feeling wouldn't go away.  After a while, the water turned from hot to warm, then cold. Still Tsuyoshi tried to make his soul feel better.


"Tsuyoshi, are you in there?" He could hear Nagase yell for him.


He didn't answer; he was too busy trying to get clean.  He scrubbed himself with a stiff brush trying to get the dirty feeling to go away. It didn't work. He still felt filthy.


*Koichi, how could you live with this every day?* he asked himself. *How can I tell you it happened to me?*


Minutes passed. Tsuyoshi didn't know how many. Then the door was unlocked from the outside. 


"Tsuyoshi!" Nagase went to the shower. "Shingeru I found him!"


"Leave me alone. I have to get clean." Tsuyoshi told him.


"The water's was freezing. It's time to get out." Nagase he grabbed Tsuyoshi's arm. 


"Don't touch me!" Terrified he punched Nagase. Then fell to the floor with him, as the taller man didn't let go of his arm.  Tsuyoshi fought against Nagase.  He kicked, punched, and scratched trying to get away.


"Tsu-chan I'm your friend." Nagase tried to reason.


"You're going to hurt me! I won't let you."


"Let him go!" Leader ordered.


"Get your hands off of me!" Tsuyoshi grabbed a handful of Nagase's long hair pulling as hard as he could.



"Ouch!" Nagase Yelped. "Let go of my hair!"


Tsuyoshi responded by pulling harder and kicking him.


"What are you doing Tomoya?" Leader asked.


"I'm trying to help him!"


"If you want to help him, let go of his arm." Leader insisted.


"He might run!" He put his hand on top of Tsuyoshi's as he yanked once again on his hair. "I'm going to be bald if he doesn't stop this!"


"If you're really his friend, do as I say." The leader told him quietly.  "I've been through what he has. I can help him. Just let go of him, and wait for him in his room."


"You're right." Nagase let go of Tsuyoshi. "Tsu-chan, let go of my hair."


"You'll leave me alone?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"Yes, I will! Now let go of my hair!"


Tsuyoshi did as he was told.  Nagase rubbed his head, and then he left the room.


He got back to his feet, and went under the shower again.


"Tsuyoshi." Leader told him very softy. "You've showered enough. It's time to get in the bathtub."


"I must get clean." Tsuyoshi grabbed a sponge and began to scrub his raw skin.


"The bathtub is better for getting clean." He tempted. "The water's warm, soothing. It will make the feeling go away."


Tsuyoshi stopped his scrubbing. "You know the feeling?"


"I've felt that way many times before. No one except for those who have gone through what we have knows what it is. How you can never get clean." Leader reached out, turning off the water.  "I thought you might need a bath, so I all ready drew one."


Tsuyoshi let his friend guide him to the tub. The leader took the lid off. Tsuyoshi reached out, touching the water. It was as he had been told. It was warm.  He got into the tub, and sat down. The warmth made his bruises and aching bones feel better.


"Will you stay here with me?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"Of course I will." he pulled up a chair and sat down.  They chatted for quite a while about their homes in Nara.


"I don't think you know this, but you were Koichi first friend." Leader told him.


"You're kidding." Tsuyoshi gasped. "Koichi has lots of friends."


"Koichi once told me that you tried as hard as you could to feel welcome." Leader smiled.  "The two of you’ve been roommates since you joined the juniors."


"Yeah, we've been together for quite a while." Tsuyoshi told him. "He's a good friend. He's very loyal."


"You're a good friend to him. You stood by him through all the abuse he went through." he said. "Koichi will stand by you through all of this."


"I wish he was here. Somehow he would make this entire stop."


"Why don't you soak for a while?" Leader suggested.


Tsuyoshi leaned against the wall of the bath tub and closed his eyes. After about thirty minutes, Tsuyoshi began to feel better. He had questions, questions that he knew Nagase would never be able to answer.


"Our Manager said he will call for me tonight." Tsuyoshi told Leader. "What can I do to make it not hurt so much?"


"You can't fight back." Leader warned. "It makes the beatings worse."


"I don't want it to happen." Tsuyoshi insisted.


"I know you don't. It angers the Manager when you struggle." He paused.  "When he wants to have sex you must relax."


The memory of the rape flashed through his mind. "How can I? It hurts so much."


"Close your eyes think of Koichi.  Pretend it's him."  The older man suggested.


"He'll never forgive me for this." Tsuyoshi paused. "He called me a whore. He was right."


"No, he was wrong when he called you that." Leader said. "He feels bad for calling you those names. You know that don't you?"


"Yes, I do." Tsuyoshi looked at his friend. "Can I get out now?"


"How are you feeling?"


"I'll survive." Tsuyoshi realized. 


"Do you want to go to the hospital?" Leader offered. "I talked to Koichi this morning. He misses you."


"I'm forbidden to go." he looked down to his bruised arms.  "Besides, I don't want him to see me this way. It would be better if he remembers how I used to be."


"I could take him a note."


"Would you? I would really like to write to him." Tsuyoshi decided.


'Why don't you get out, and write him that note?" Leader suggested.


"Okay, I will." Tsuyoshi got out of the tub. The leader helped him towel himself off.  Then he handed him his robe.





Koichi was a very bored man. The doctor had told him that he would have to spend two weeks in the hospital recovering. The manager had paid good money so that Koichi would fully recuperate. He had been operated on twice. Once for his nose, the other for his crushed rib bone. His left arm was in a cast. He couldn't move much, and he felt as if he had a perpetual cold.


 All Koichi had to entertain him was a TV remote. He would change the channels frequently, looking for commercials with Tsuyoshi.  He moved his blanket. Underneath was a photo of the two of them together. He wasn't sure how he had it. It had been with him when he woke up from surgery.   He pulled it out and placed it on his leg. Then he traced the outline of Tsuyoshi's face with his finger. *My beautiful prince. Have you forgiven me for cheating on you?*


He had dim memories of Tsuyoshi being with him after the surgery. He could remember his friend had placed his ring back on his finger. He wasn't sure if it was a dream or reality. He felt warm, comforted when he thought of his friend. He looked down to the ring.


Just then Leader came into the room.  He was caring a bag.  Koichi hid the photo back under the blanket. He looked behind Leader. His friend has told him he would bring Tsuyoshi to visit. But his partner wasn't with him.


"Good afternoon." Koichi tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice.  "Is Tsuyoshi still at school?"


"He's at the dorms." Leader seemed to be bothered.


"He didn't come with you." He looked away from Leader.  "He hasn't forgiven me yet."


"Tsuyoshi wants to come.  But our Manager has forbidden him to."


Koichi looked back to the leader. "Why would he do that?"


"I don't know. I've never been able to understand our manager." He said.


"Am I going to have any visitors?"


"Probably tomorrow." he put the bag he was holding on Koichi's lap.  "Tsuyoshi sent you some presents."


He opened the bag. Inside was a manga, a notebook book and some pens. "Can you help me with this?"


"Sure," Leader took them out. He opened the notebook from the back. Pasted to the inside back cover of the book was pictures of the two of them together. "He thought you needed some inspiration."


"I'd rather have him."


"You can't have everything." Leader shut the book. He set it on the bedside table. Then he took the bag from Koichi. He pulled out a piece of paper. "He wanted you to read this."


"Thanks." he took the paper.




How are you doing? I've been thinking of you a lot.   Is your arm feeling any better?  It has been very boring without you around.  Doing my homework isn't quite the same. I miss your smile. I didn't realize how important you are to me until suddenly you where gone.


I want to visit you, but I've been forbidden to.  If I had my way, I would be at your side. Instead I have to visit you through a letter.  I am sorry for what happened.  Our fight was my fault. I should have told Shingo to find someone else to rub his back.  I didn't know he would hurt you.


There is so much I want to tell you. Things I don't want to put in a letter. You're my partner, a relationship that is beyond friendship, beyond family, beyond a lover.  If I call you partner no one would question us. But we would know the truth.  Can I start calling you partner?


Leader knows about our relationship. Can we trust him?


 Management has canceled our TV appearances until you get out of hospital. So don't worry about not seeing me on TV.  I'll write to you again.


  I forgive you for being with Mabo. He's confessed to blackmailing you. How about when we get out of the hospital, we start fresh?



Love you, Tsuyoshi


Koichi put the note down. "What's wrong with Tsuyoshi?"


"What do you mean?" Leader asked innocently.


"Something's bothering him."


"How can you tell?"


"I know Tsuyoshi." Koichi read the note again. "Something must have happened. He tells me that there's so much he wants to tell me."


"He's very worried about you. He blames himself for what happened." Leader finally said.


 "That's crazy, all this is my fault." Koichi knew something else must be going on. Perhaps Leader didn't know what it was. "If I wrote a letter, could you deliver it for me?"


"Of course I would." Leader handed Koichi his notebook book and a pencil. Koichi opened the cover and began to write.




Please forgive me for being such a Baga. I was jealous.  You are my prince. I should have trusted you.  Don't blame yourself for what happened. It's my fault.


I would be honored if you called me partner. I agree with you, our relationship is beyond friendship, beyond family. I can't see my life without you.  It's so strange. Just a few years ago we didn't know each other, but now it seems if I've known you all my life. You know me better then I know myself.


Don't worry about Leader telling on us. He won't.



Do you remember them calling us Double Domoto? I thought it was strange that I would be partnered with someone with my own family name.  Even then you seemed so glamorous.  At the time I knew there was something wrong with me. Before I joined the agency, people called me names. Then I met you, and realized nothing wrong with me. I've been teased before about having you as my first on screen kiss. But I wouldn't have it any other way.  Do you remember how we had to practice for it, and how you laughed?  It was your first ever kiss. 


I want to get out of hospital. I want to hold you again. I want to prove to you that I'll be true to you.


I better get going. Leader is looking at me funny.


Love you





Running, Tsuyoshi was running. He had to get away from the people who where chasing him. He was bruised, battered.  He could see Koichi in the distance. He was sitting on a bed. 


*I have to get to him!*


Tsuyoshi ran towards his friend.  The sounds of the hunters pursuing him where getting closer and closer. He ran into a fence. He could see Koichi a few meters from him.  Tsuyoshi tried to climb over the fence, but he was too high.


"Koichi! Koichi" he screamed. "Help me! Ko-chan!"


His friend looked up to him; there was blood all over his shirt. His nose was broken; he held his broken arm close to his body.   "I can’t," Koichi told him. "I'm too injured."


Tsuyoshi could feel his hunters grabbing him. He held onto the fence tightly.  "Koichi, help me!"


"This is your punishment." Koichi hissed.


"What did I do to deserve this?"


"You cheated on me! You promised me that I would your first." there was hatred in his eyes.  "Take your punishment as a man!"


"Koichi!" he cried as the hunters took him away.


Suddenly Tsuyoshi was awake. Someone was sitting in front of him.  The stranger reached out, touching him. "It's okay."


"Don't touch me!" Tsuyoshi lashed out at the person.


"Tsu-chan. It's me Junichi." the boy said calmly. "You where dreaming."


"Dreaming?" Tsuyoshi repeated.


Tsuyoshi suddenly knew where he was. He was in the closet of his bedroom.  Tsuyoshi's roommate sat on the closet floor beside him, he looked concerned.  "Are you all right?"


"I had a dream." Tsuyoshi moved his hair out of his face.  It had been nine days since he became the Manager's favorite. Nine days of a living nightmare. Not only did he have nightmares at the Manager's mansion, he had them every time he closed his eyes.


"Perhaps you should go back to sleep." Okada suggested.


"No! I'll have the dream again."


"What was it about?"


"You wouldn't understand."


"Were you dreaming being locked in the closet?" Okada guessed.  "I dream about that sometimes. I dream that he's put me in there, and forgotten about me."


"I forget that you've gone through it too." Tsuyoshi said. "If I told you my dream, would you tell on me?"


“You’re my friend."



"I've had this dream several times a night since our manager first called for me." Tsuyoshi told him. "He's made a new game.  He has told his business associates that if they catch me, they can have me.  I'm allowed a five minute start.  So I run and run. I see Koichi in the distance.  I run to him. I am almost there, when there is a fence. I scream for him to help me. But he won't.  He's too injured to help me. He says I deserve this punishment. Then the hunters take me away."


"That's very scary." Okada admitted.


"I don't know why Koichi won't help me in my dreams."


"He can't help because he's in the hospital."


"I don't understand." Tsuyoshi said confused. "It's a dream. Why couldn't he help me?"


"In your dream, you're running from what's been happening to you." Okada explained.  "The one you know would help you can't. He's in the hospital."


"You're right." Tsuyoshi said. "I feel as if Koichi had been there none of it would have happened. He would have protected me."


"Perhaps you should go to the hospital and tell him."


"No I can't!" He almost shouted. He took a deep breath. "I don't want him to see me this way."


"Why don't you go back to sleep?"


"I can't. I'll have the dream again."


"I can sleep with you. Perhaps if I'm there, it might help."


"You won't hurt me?" Tsuyoshi asked afraid.


"No, I won't hurt you!" Okada smiled. "I'll be there only as a friend." Tsuyoshi moved over. Okada got into the closet. He lay down beside him, not touching.


Tsuyoshi decided to ask something that he had been wondering. "When you became the Manager's favorite, did Sakamoto help you?"


"No, it was about a month later." Okada told him. "I became Sakamoto's roommate.   I didn't tell him what happened. How could I? But he knew, some how he knew. If I had dreams, he would be there for me. I felt safe in his arms. No one would hurt me if he was with me."


"You fell in love with him." Tsuyoshi guessed.


"I didn't mean to. It just happened. I didn't tell him. He's so much older then me."


"Then how did you become lovers?"


"Yuki-chan once told me that love feels different when you want it." Okada paused.  "I decided to try it out. I seduced him."


"You seduced him? I thought he would be the one to seduce you."


"You didn't think I could seduce Sakamoto because I'm younger?" Okada raised a knowing eyebrow. "Yuki-chan was right; it did feel different when you want it."


"Does he love you?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"To him I'm just a friend. But I'm happy with what we have."


"Koichi sleeps around."


"Try to understand why he did it. He once told me that sleeping with someone made the dirty feeling go away for a few hours."


"I understand the pain in Koichi's heart." Tsuyoshi finally said. “I feel the same pain.”


"When Koichi gets out of the hospital, He'll stay at your side. He'll support you." his friend told him.


"I can't tell him what happened." Tsuyoshi admitted. "I'm too ashamed to."


"Go to sleep, you need to rest."


"Your right, I do." Tsuyoshi closed his eyes. With his friend beside him, he slept.





Tsuyoshi was in his room, he was studying with Nagase.  It had been ten days since the Manager had first called for him. He had been sent for every night since then.   Tsuyoshi couldn't stop thinking of his partner. He wasn't allowed to visit or talk to Koichi on the phone.  All that Tsuyoshi had to keep him sane was the letters he wrote to Koichi.  He felt like the notes where a tie to what Tsuyoshi used to be. In the letters he was still the innocent Tsuyoshi.  He had never told his friend the truth.


"I want to see Koichi." Tsuyoshi said. "I miss him."


"How about if the Manager doesn't call you tonight, we'll smuggle you into his room?" Nagase suggested.


"I'm not sure I should go." Tsuyoshi looked away. "I don't want Koichi to see me like this."


"What do you mean?"


"If Ko-chan sees me, he'll know I cheated on him." Tsuyoshi confessed. "That I'm no longer a virgin."


"Tsuyoshi! You didn't cheat on him!" his friend told him.  "What the Manager does to you is against your will!"


"It's no longer against my will." Tsuyoshi admitted. "If I do what our Manager asks, it doesn't hurt as much."


"Tell me, if you could stop it, would you?"


"Of course I would! I hate when he touches me!" Tsuyoshi said in a rush.


"Then it's not your fault." Nagase said calmly. "Koichi would understand."


Okada came into the room. He looked at his room mate.  "Tsuyoshi, it's time."


"Time for what?" Tsuyoshi didn't look up to him.


"He's called for us." 


Tsuyoshi looked up to him. "He wants to see both of us?"


Okada nodded, his bottom lip trembled. "Hai."


Tsuyoshi stood up, and closed his book. He put the book on his desk. "I'm sorry; I can't finish my homework tonight."


"Don't tell me you're going." Nagase gasped.


Tsuyoshi looked down to the bruises on his arm. "I have to."


"What would happen if you refused?"


"The penalties are severe if we refuse the manager." Okada told him.


"What? He'll beat you more?" Nagase sounded upset. "He's going to beat you anyway!"


"I don't obey; I'll be locked in the closet." Tsuyoshi said.


'That doesn't sound too bad."


"If you’re put in the closet, you’re bound and gagged. You can't move. After a few hours, you'll do anything he wants." Tsuyoshi explained.  "Trust me. It's like hell."





 As soon as they arrived at the Manager's bedroom, Tsuyoshi undressed.  He folded his clothes, and put them in a corner. He sat down on the bed.  He picked up the chain that was fastened to the side of the bed frame. There was a handcuff attached to it.  Tsuyoshi snapped the cuff around his left wrist, and then locked it. Then he checked to see if it was locked.


"Is the lock fastened?" The Manager asked.


"Yes, master."


"I want you to wear the neck chain tonight."


'It will be my pleasure." Tsuyoshi lifted a door in the headboard. Then he took a chain that was fastened to the headboard. There was an iron collar attached to it. He put it around his neck, and then he picked up the lock and locked it.  "It's locked Master."


"You're a good pet. You've learned quickly to enjoy your visits."


"Thank you." Tsuyoshi didn't tell him what he really thought. That he hated the Manager with all of his soul. Instead, he had learned to do what ever the Manager ordered him to do.


"Hurry up Junichi!" the Manager snapped. "What's the problem?"


He watched as the youngest member of V6 very slowly took off his clothes, his back to Tsuyoshi.  His bruises had faded. Okada hadn't looked at him since they had left the dorm.  He had sat in the limo, crying to himself.  Tsuyoshi wondered if his friend had thought that his visits where over. 


"I've been waiting a long time to see the two of you together."


For the first time, Tsuyoshi realized what the manager wanted. His blood ran cold. He didn't want to have sex with his friend. He didn't say anything. He knew what would happen if he did.


"Kiss Tsuyoshi!" the manager ordered. 


 "No." Okada said very softy.


"What did you say?" The Manager growled.


"I won't kiss him!"


"You've given yourself to others while I watched. What's so different if it's Tsuyoshi?"


"He's my friend.  I won't have sex with him." The youngster growled. "I don't want to be with him!"


"I don't care." the Manager was getting angry, very angry.  He slapped Okada hard in the face. "I want to see the both of you together. So you'll be together!"


"I won't do it."


"How dare you refuse me! You're my pet!" the Manager punched Okada. The teenager fell to the floor.


 "I'm not a pet! I'm a boy! I'm sick of you treating me this way!" Okada yelled.


The Manager took a cane rod off the dresser.  He hit Okada in the back with it.  Tsuyoshi watched in horror as his friend was hit over and over with the rod.  The young man curled up in a ball, screams of pain emitted from his lips every time he was hit.


'The Manager stopped for a moment. "Will you do as you're told?"


"I'll do anything you want me to, as long as it doesn't involve Tsuyoshi." Okada vowed.


The Manager grabbed Okada. He pulled him to the closet. The Manager tied his wrists, and then tied his feet together.  He used duct tape to fasten Okada's mouth and eyes.  The door to the closet was opened, and Okada was pushed in. The door was then slammed shut and locked.


The manager turned to Tsuyoshi. "Now my dear, lets have some fun."


"I've been looking forwards to it." Tsuyoshi plastered on a fake smile.



It had been twenty-four hours since the manager had thrown Okada in the closet.  Every few hours, the door had been opened, and the teenager had been beaten. When the manager had gone to the office, a servant had done the job.  Before the third beating, the servant had taken the tape off of Okada's mouth and had forgotten to put it back on.


After the servant left, Tsuyoshi had gotten off the bed.  The chains that held him were so long that he could walk to the closet.  He sat down on the floor beside it.


"Junichi, can you hear me?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"Yeah," the young man said through the door.


"Why are you refusing to do what he asks?"


"You're my friend."


"If I wasn't your friend, would you do as he wanted?"


"I know what you’re going to say. I can't pretend we're not friends.  I betrayed you once. I won't again." Okada promised.  "He can keep me here my whole life, and it won't change the way I feel."


Tsuyoshi was surprised by Okada's loyalty. "What happens when he gets back?"


"He'll beat me again."


"Why are you resisting him?" Tsuyoshi asked. "We both know it hurts more if you do."


"I'm tired of him hurting me." Okada confessed. "I want to have a normal life."


"Our lives aren't normal. They'll never be normal." Tsuyoshi paused.  "We're little more then animals."


"Don't you remember before all this began?" Okada asked.  "You weren’t afraid of being hurt. You didn't sleep in the closet."


"That was before." Tsuyoshi said softly. "We can't go back. I'll never be a virgin again. I'll never have Koichi back. I've done too much to him to ever be forgiven."


"Koichi’s the one man who would understand what you're going through." Okada told him.  "He'll stay at your side."


"You need to do what our Manager wants." Tsuyoshi told him.


"I can't have sex with you, and then see you everyday. Reminding me what I did." Okada paused. "I can't hurt you."


"You're my friend.  I can't see you get hurt either."  Tsuyoshi paused. "Please Junichi. I can't see you beaten again. It would be my fault. I can't handle it."


"You'll remember. You won't be able to forget."


"Why don't we agree that what happens here is only a dream? We won't hold it against each other." the older teen suggested.


"Can you do that? Really? Shingo wont' find out and beat me to a pulp?"


"No one will know. I won't tell Koichi, I won't tell Sakamoto." Tsuyoshi vowed. "I promise I won't tell Shingo!"


"It will be a dream." The teenager repeated.


"Why don't we close our eyes during it, and pretend we're the ones we love."  He suggested. "I think that would be the only way I would be able to perform."


"Yeah, me too." Okada admitted.


Just then the Manager came into the room. "What are you doing out of bed?"


"I was talking to Okada."


The Manager grabbed the neck chain and yanked it hard. Tsuyoshi couldn’t' help it, he cried out in pain. "I told you to leave Junichi alone. Now get back on the bed!"


"Yes Master." Tsuyoshi did as he was told.


The Manager turned on the video camera. He then opened the closet door. "Will you do as I ask?"


"Yes Master. I will." Okada's hands and feet where untied. Lastly, the tape was pulled off of his eyes.


"Now prove it! Kiss Tsuyoshi!" The Manager ordered.


Okada went to the bed. He bent down, kissing his friend. Tsuyoshi ignored the video camera, and the manager. He closed his eyes and pretended that Okada was Koichi.




Koichi knew that something had happened. In the two weeks that went by many of his dorm mates had visited him, but Tsuyoshi was noticeable in his absence.  If they hadn't exchanged letters almost every day, it would have been unbearable. He looked down the cast on his arm. All of his visitors had signed it.  He had left a space for Tsuyoshi.


Leader was the one that took Koichi back to the dorms. He could see Tsuyoshi watching from his bedroom window.  His friend looked lost and lonely. Even so far away, Koichi couldn't help but notice the bruises on his friend's face.


"What happened?" Koichi asked as he got out of the car. "Tsu-chan has a black eye."


"I suppose he does." Leader sounded distracted.


"Did he get into a fight?"


"We need to talk." Leader gestured to a bench that was at the side of the driveway. They sat down. "I want to ask you to give Tsuyoshi a lot of room. Be extra careful around him."


"That doesn't make any sense. Why do I have to be careful around him?" he asked confused.


"In the time you've been gone a lot of things have happened."  Leader tried to explain. "He's changed. He isn't the Tsuyoshi you knew.""


"The letters. I knew there was something going on when I read them." Koichi tried to gather his thoughts. "Does he have a new boyfriend?"


"His heart belongs to you." the leader said. "But his heart has been hurt. Right now he's in a lot of pain."


"Is it because we had a fight? What I said to him, I didn't mean!"


"He knows that." Leader took a deep breath and let it out.  "Tsuyoshi is our Managers new favorite."


"No, oh my god, no." Koichi closed his eyes for a moment.  His worst nightmare had come true. His best friend was now the Manager's favorite.   "Why? Why would he take Tsuyoshi?"


"I think at first he wanted to punish Tsuyoshi for breaking the rules. But after that, he was called for every night."


"How did the manager know we broke the rules?"


 "Okada was called for at the Hospital. The next day, someone came to get Tsuyoshi." Leader explained.  "He came back the next morning. He had been raped."


"So Okada betrayed us." Koichi tried to control his temper.


"You should know that Okada's your new room mate."


"Great, just great. I have to live with the boy who caused Tsu-chan pain. I bet it was the Manager's idea, wasn't it?" Koichi said frustrated.


"Who else would it be?" Leader tried to gather his thoughts. "Tsuyoshi blames himself for all of this. He thinks he's cheating on you."


"I need to see Tsuyoshi." He said in a rush. "I need to tell him that I understand what he's going through.""


"You can't be with Tsuyoshi anymore." Leader warned. "I'm serious. If anyone asks, you've broken up."


"We've broken up." he repeated.


"If you want to stay with Tsuyoshi, you have to break up with him."


"That makes no sense."  He gasped. "None of this makes any sense."


Leader gave a sad smile. "Does anything here?"






Koichi walked slowly to his room. He wasn't sure if Tsuyoshi wanted to see him again. He stopped in front of the room.  Koichi knew that his friend was inside the room, but he didn't want to frighten him. So he tapped lightly on the door.


"Come in." Tsuyoshi said without looking up.


The door opened. Koichi came in, shutting the door. "I'm back."


"Welcome back." Tsuyoshi picked up a stack of his clothes. He was putting his things in a box. For the first time Koichi noticed the bruises on Tsuyoshi's wrists and arms, some new, some fading.  There where bruises on his neck from the metal collar.


"What are you doing?" Koichi tried to sound light hearted.


"I was supposed have moved before you got back." Tsuyoshi tried to smile. "I've been too busy to completely move out."


"Are there new rules about us?"


"Many new rules." He smoothed back his hair. It was dirty, as was the clothes he was wearing.  Even that had changed in his friend.  Gone was the well groomed friend. What stood before him was a shell of Tsuyoshi.


"Do you agree with them?"


"Of course I don't agree with the new rules." Tsuyoshi looked away from him. "I didn't get a choice. The only way I can keep you is if I agree with them"


"I understand." He said softly. "Did our Manager do that to your face?"


Tsuyoshi flinched. Then he put the clothes he was holding in the box. "I had to be punished."


"Did he hurt you?"


With trembling fingers, Tsuyoshi touched his face. "Punishment always involves pain."


"I mean did he rape you?"


"The Manager owns me. He has a right to do what ever he wants to with my body." A tear trickled down Tsuyoshi's cheek. "I wanted you to be my first."


"What our Manager did to you didn't count. You're still a virgin." Koichi went Tsuyoshi. 


Tsuyoshi backed away from him. "Don't touch me!"


Koichi stepped back several paces. He raised his good hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you."


Tsuyoshi went back to packing. Koichi realized that all this had happened because he hadn't trusted his friend. Now he had been abused. Tsuyoshi's spirit had been destroyed.  He seemed to be almost a different person. Tsuyoshi was now timid, shy afraid of everything.  Not caring of his looks or things around him.


"I'll never touch you without your permission." Koichi vowed.


Tsuyoshi looked at him. "Are you sure?"


"It's hard to exist when all touches hurt."


"You understand."


"I know everything you're going through, because I've gone through it too." he told him.  "My hell is yours."


"That's what the past two weeks have been. I'm suddenly living in hell." Tsuyoshi looked away from him. "I don’t want to live there anymore. I want my pain to go away. I want to be able to have you touch me without being afraid."


"I'll stay your partner even if I'm never allowed to touch you." Koichi vowed.


"Are you sure?" Tsuyoshi put the box on the floor and sat down.


Koichi tried to smile.  He sat near to Tsuyoshi, not touching him. "Of course I am.  We're partners."


For the first time, Tsuyoshi looked into his eyes. "Are you sure you still want to be with me?"


"Not still, forever." he paused. "You're my best friend."


The door opened. Okada came in.  "Tsuyoshi you forgot the new rule?"


"What rule?" Koichi asked suspiciously.


"The two of you aren't allowed in the same room alone, unless the door is open." The teenager told him.


"You going to tell on us again?" he demanded.


 For the first time, he realized that there where bruises on Okada. "I'm sorry I told on you. I didn't get a choice."


"There is always a choice! Look at Tsuyoshi! He's been hurt! It's your fault!" The anger he felt at Tsuyoshi's treatment came out in full force. He began to go towards Okada.


Tsuyoshi reached out and grabbed his partner's arm. "You don't understand."


"He destroyed our lives!" He tried to pull away from Tsuyoshi. He was surprised that his friend would defend Okada.  Before all of this, Tsuyoshi would have been even angrier then he was.


"You haven't heard the whole story." he insisted. "Please listen to me."


"Our Manager hurt you because of him. What else is there to know?"


"There's a lot more. Junichi-I mean Okada supported me through off of this." Tsuyoshi told him. "He's a friend. I trust him."


"He's the one who told on you." Koichi tried to reason. "If he hadn't, none of this would have happened! Okada destroyed your life!"


"Koichi, I've forgiven him. I think you should too."


"It's okay, I deserve what Koichi says. I did destroy your lives!" Okada took off his shirt; he tossed it in the hamper. Then he went to the closet.  The younger man's back was crossed with strap marks. He took out a t-shirt and pulled it on.  "I'll go back downstairs to study. I won't' tell on you."


"What happened to you?" Koichi asked. "Why do you have bruises?"


"Do you think that you where the only favorite that he beat?" Tsuyoshi said.  "I've seen his being tortured. I don't blame him for what he did."


"Our manager can't quite forgive me for not being you." Okada stopped at the door. "Besides, I'm getting older. I'm being punished for that."


"You're only fifteen!"


"I don't like telling on you. Sometimes though, it's the only way to end the pain." He admitted. "I know you won't forgive me. I don't deserve it."  


"You're like me." Koichi realized. The anger he felt faded.  "I didn't realize."


"How can I be like you?"


"When I was your age, I was beaten into telling on two of the members of Smap." Koichi confessed. "They used to be good friends, now they won't even work with me. I was beaten because I wasn't enough like Goro. Now you’re beaten because you’re not like me." Koichi paused. "Goro told me that our Manager beat him for not being like Sakamoto."



"No one trusts me. Even some members of my own group can't stand me." the younger boy said. "I wish I could go home. But my mother won't let me. It's my fault that Tsuyoshi became his favorite. I can't forgive myself for putting him through it."


"I forgive you." Koichi said.


"How can you forgive me?"


“I know what you are going through." Koichi told the younger teen.


"I'm your friend too." Tsuyoshi told him. "Now go study. You have a big test coming up."


"Thanks. I'll stay downstairs for two hours. I won't be able to tell on what I don't see, now can I?" With that, Okada left.




Tsuyoshi sat on his bed with Koichi. He couldn’t' help but stare at his friend. His friend had a cast on his left arm that went up past his elbow.  He no longer had the bandage on his face, but his nose was still a bit swollen.


"Do I look strange?" Koichi finally asked.


"I think your nose looks better now then before it was broken." Tsuyoshi told him.


Koichi couldn't help but smile. He reached up, touching it. "It used to have a little bump from when I broke it as a kid."


"Can I touch it?" Tsuyoshi asked. Koichi nodded.  He reached out, touching his best friend's nose.  Then his hand went to Koichi's cheek.  He had an overwhelming urge to kiss Koichi. He kissed him very gently.


Koichi pulled away from him. "Don’t' rush things Tsu-chan. You have to give yourself time."


"You're right." Tsuyoshi agreed. "What about you're broken rib? Does it bother you?"


 "Not as much as my arm. I can't scratch it." Koichi paused. "Would you sign it for me?"


Tsuyoshi couldn't help but smile. "Be glad to."


"Do you have a marker?"


Tsuyoshi got up and went the desk; he got out a permanent marker. Koichi pointed at the blank spot. He wrote "Partners forever." and signed his name. Then he sat back down.


"Why don’t' we work on homework tonight?" Koichi suggested.  "I've got a lot of homework to catch up with."


"I can't, I have other plans." Just thinking of what the Manager had planned for Tsuyoshi made the teenager’s chest feel tight. He found it hard to breathe.  *How can I tell you about being Manager's favorite?*


"That's okay, perhaps tomorrow night."


"I promised I would break up with you." suddenly Tsuyoshi felt as if he was choking. He gasped for breath.


"We've broken up. If anyone asks me, I'll tell them I'm not interested in you."


"I see," Tsuyoshi felt like a fool. He should have realized that his friend would never forgive him for what happened.  He tried to get up without touching Koichi; instead he felt his legs give out on him. His chest began to hurt, and he felt dizzy.


*Not now!* Tsuyoshi told himself. His body didn't listen to him. His breathing became labored. *Don't panic, don’t panic!*


"Tsu-chan, are you okay?" Koichi asked concerned.


"I'm fine."  Tsuyoshi went to the window; he moved the curtain so he could look out. The tears he had kept in began to fall.  How he had wanted to be with Koichi, and the knowledge that it would never happen. Again his legs gave out, he sank to the floor.


He could hear Koichi getting off the bed. "Tsu-chan."


"I don't want to break up with you. I want you to be at my side." He grasped at his chest as he tried to catch his breath.


"You're having a panic attack." Koichi realized.


All Tsuyoshi could do was nod. Koichi went to the drawer that Tsuyoshi had kept his paper bags in. Koichi took one out and prepared it for him. Then his friend knelt down beside him.


"Breathe into this." He pressed the bag into Tsuyoshi's hand.


"Why are you being so nice to me? We've broken up." he put the bag over his mouth. He began to breathe into it.


"Please let me touch you," Koichi said. "I just want to hold you. I won't hurt you."


Tsuyoshi nodded. Koichi put his right arm around Tsuyoshi's shoulders. "I'm sorry. What I said didn't come out right." Koichi began to stroke his hair.  "I have to say that we've broken up. But we'll know the truth. We're together, and we love each other."


As soon as Tsuyoshi's breathing stabilized, he removed the bag from his mouth. He leaned into his friend.

"I feel safer now you're back." Tsuyoshi's breathing became labored again. He put the bag back against his mouth, and breathed into it.


"Don't rush it Tsu-chan." Koichi whispered to him. "I'll always protect you."


A few minutes passed, and Tsuyoshi realized his breathing was back to normal. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to panic like that."


 "Why are you still afraid?"


"The Manager's going to call for me tonight." Tsuyoshi couldn't keep the despair out of his voice. "I'll probably be gone all night. I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you."


"How many times has it happened?"


Tsuyoshi looked away from him. "I've been called for a total of fourteen times. I don't know why our Manager calls for me. He says I'm too old. Then he beats me for being too old."


"He's hurting you to punish me." Koichi told him. 


"I want to die when he touches Me." he admitted.


"I can make it so he'll never hurt you again." Koichi kissed Tsuyoshi's forehead. "Would you like me to do that?"


"I'm little more then an animal. He'll never stop using me." 


"You're not an animal. You're a man!" Koichi said firmly. "You're the man I love."


Tsuyoshi was comforted by his friend's touch.  Their lips met. The kiss was soft, gentle, comforting.  Tsuyoshi touched the back of Koichi's head.  After a few minutes, Tsuyoshi pulled away from him. "When you touch me, I don't feel like a whore."


"You're not a whore." Koichi insisted. "It doesn't count unless it’s your choice."


"I think I love you more now. You understand what I've gone through." Tsuyoshi gave him another kiss, this one as gentle as the first.


Finally Koichi pulled away from him. He looked into Tsuyoshi's eyes. "No matter what happens in the future, remember that I love you. I'll always protect you."



Two days had passed since Koichi's return.  In that time, Tsuyoshi hadn't been called for.  Tsuyoshi sat on his bed in his new room doing his homework. He had been very busy trying to make up all the homework he hadn't completed as favorite. He hated his new room. He had to share it with Myake Ken. The nicest thing that the younger teen called him was a whore.


 There was a knock at the door. Thankful he had a break from his homework; he got up and answered it.  It was Leader. "Tsuyoshi, you need to get down to Koichi's room right now."


"What's wrong?" "


"If you don't get downstairs right now, it might be too late!" Leader insisted.  "Koichi's leaving the dorms forever. You have to talk to him!"


"On my way." Tsuyoshi ran to Koichi's room. , his partner had a box on his bed. Koichi was going through a drawer, piling things on the dresser. Tsuyoshi fought down a bit of panic.  Leader had been right, Koichi was leaving.


Tsuyoshi stopped in the doorway. "What are you doing?"


"What does it look like? I'm packing." Koichi put clothes in the box.  "Before you ask, I'm not quitting the group. I just have a new place to stay."


"Where are you going?"


"What does it matter?" Koichi countered.  "It's none of your business where I live."


The comment hurt Tsuyoshi.  "I'm your partner. I need to know why you are leaving."


Koichi stopped for a moment. A look of pain crossed his face.  "I can't tell you. You wouldn't understand."


"We have rehearsals and school. Will you be there?"


"I'll be there for anything the Kinki Kids do." Koichi began to pack again. "I am getting a private tutor for school."


Tsuyoshi couldn't believe his ears. "You're going to have a private tutor? You're quitting school?"


"Stay out of my life!" With his good hand, Koichi ran his hand through his hair. For the first time, Tsuyoshi could see a bruise on Koichi's wrist. A bruise that was identical to one Tsuyoshi had on his own wrist.


"You were with the Manager last night." Tsuyoshi gasped. 


"I've seen the light, its better if I'm with him then you."


"How can you say that?" Tsuyoshi asked. "I love you."


Koichi flinched. "Don't ever say that again. It's over between us. Don’t' try to talk me out of it. I've made my choice."


Tsuyoshi fought back the tears.  Koichi had broken up with him. Tsuyoshi took off his ring. "You'll want this back."


"Keep it; I have no use for it." Koichi said coldly.


Okada came running into the room. "It's true; I can't believe it's true."


"What's true?" Tsuyoshi demanded. "Can someone please tell me what's going on?"


"There was a honk outside. Koichi threw the last pile of clothes in his box. "That's my ride. I'll send for my other stuff."


"Koichi, what's going on? Tsuyoshi demanded. "Why did you break up with me?"


"Good bye."  Koichi picked up the box with his good arm, and left.


Tsuyoshi went to the window, Koichi at his side. In the driveway was as limo.  When Koichi arrived, the driver jumped out and took the box from him. It was the Manager's driver. Tsuyoshi watched in horror as the driver put the package in the car's trunk.  Then he opened the door for Koichi. For a brief moment Koichi looked up to Tsuyoshi. There was sadness written across his face. Their eyes met, and it seemed as if they where standing in time. The drive said something, and Koichi got into the car.


Tsuyoshi watched his friend drive off. He then said. "I don't understand."


Okada picked a letter off Koichi's bed. "He left a letter, it's addressed to you."


Tsuyoshi took the letter. With trembling fingers he opened it.



"My beloved,

When I came home, and saw how hurt you were, my heart broke. The man I loved had changed into something that I barely recognized. There is a pain in your heart, a pain that has destroyed your spirit. Your pain is my fault. A year ago, our Manager asked me to move into his mansion. I refused.  He took the chance of my being in the hospital to punish me through you. 


I went to the Manager the night of your return. I've made a deal with him. If I move into the mansion, he will leave you and Okada alone. I am not a virgin. I've been with many men. I'm used to the abuse that he gave me. So I am giving myself to him. It is the price I must pay to you. The Manager will no longer call for you. You'll never have to fear being abused. You are free. No one will ever touch you again against your will.


I must break up with you to save you. We will never be together again.  There will still be a KinKi Kids, but now we will only be partners. No longer friends, no longer in love with each other.  


 I know you will hate me for this. I hate myself for doing this. But I'll be able to see you free. You'll go back to being the man I fell in love with. Your soul will recover, and I'll see your smile again.


In time, you'll forget me. You'll find someone else to love. The man you love won't bring you the pain that I have. I will go back to hell so that my prince will be free. 


I will wear your ring. It will remind me of my first love, my only love. The love I've given everything up for.

I do love you.  I'll never stop loving you.





 "Do you know what this says?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"Koichi told me his plans this morning." Okada sat down on his bed.  "I didn't believe him until the limo arrived."


Nagase came into the room. "What's going on?"


"Koichi moved out." Tsuyoshi sat down on his lover's bed.  "He left a letter."


Let me see."


Tsuyoshi handed him the letter.  Nagase sat down beside him and read it.  "I was wrong. He does love you."


Tsuyoshi felt confused.  "If Koichi loved me, why would he do this?"


"If Koichi didn’t love you, he would allow you to go on hurting." Nagase explained. "But seeing your pain wounded his soul. He's giving his happiness up to save you."



"Koichi's keeping your ring.  That means he still loves you." Okada told him.


"We'll no longer be together." Tsuyoshi said sadly.


"Would you rather be with Koichi, and be hurt by the Manager every night?" Nagase countered.   "Koichi gave you a gift. No one will ever touch you again without your permission."


His friend’s words sunk into Tsuyoshi. He would never be hurt again. Koichi had kept his promise. 


"Koichi's wrong. I don't hate him. What he did made me love him more." Tsuyoshi took the Koichi's ring off his right index finger, and placed it on his left. "I'll wear it this way. Perhaps without saying anything he'll realize that I'll wait for him."


"Koichi and I are working on a drama together." Junichi said. "I could deliver a note to him."


Tsuyoshi nodded. "Can I borrow some paper?"


Okada took a notebook and a pen out of his desk. "I'll be sure he gets it."


Tsuyoshi sat down at the desk and began to write. He couldn't help but notice his friends grabbed mangas and sat down on one of the beds.




When you say that we've broken up, you're wrong.   Officially we are broken up, but our hearts know better.  You will live in my heart. When you are feeling down, look at my ring. It's a sign that there is someone waiting for you.   I have faith that someday you'll be allowed to come back to me.  The man I love has given up everything for me. You're giving yourself up makes me love you more. You are still my partner.   I know it will be difficult for us, but I would rather have the challenge instead of being alone.


We are supposed to rehearse together this coming week. I know we won't be able to talk, but if you feel the same way I do, please put my ring on your left hand.  If I see it on your right, I will understand your choice and I'll never write to you again.


You might not be with me, but we'll always be together.


I'll wait for you.




Tsuyoshi tore the paper out of the notebook. Then he folded it up. He put "To Koichi' on the outside. He got up, and handed the paper to Okada. "Please give this to Koichi."


Okada nodded. "I will."


"Thank you." With that, Tsuyoshi left the room. He looked down to Koichi's ring.  "We'll be together again."