Title: Only a Junior
Time: Fall 2003
Author: Sentaikat aka Kyoko Godaikun
Authors email: Kyoko_godaikun@yahoo.com
Archiving: Do not archive without express permission from the author.
A Junior that was all Hasegawa Jun was. Day after day, week turned into weeks, and Jun continued to be a Junior. When he was young he dreamed of being a star. Now, he realized that he would never be a star. He would always simply be a Junior. A Junior that was fast outgrowing his good looks.
The Four Tops that was what they had called the group. It had given Jun hope that they would debut. They led the Juniors, but that was all. Then the day came when YamaP had debuted with NEWS. That was when he realized that the Four Tops was the end of the road. That they had as much chance to debut as Music Academy did.
Jun was lying on his bed feeling sorry for himself. He looked at the saying that he had pined on his wall. "Enjoy your time with the Juniors." It was written by his best friend Shunsuke Kazama, called Kaza by everyone. It was a reminder to not be sad about the prospect of never debuting. Instead, be grateful.
He glanced at the bed on the other side of the room. It belonged to his friend Kaza. He too was a Junior. Jun had never quite understood why Kaza hadn't debuted. He had the dancing and singing abilities. The wonderful winning smile. Jun knew that given the chance, Kaza would be a big star. If only he could debut. But management had always passed Kaza over. It never seemed to matter to his friend. He seemed to be very happy only being a junior.
Kaza was another problem in Jun's life. He wasn't sure when it happened, but his heart got that doki doki feeling every time Kaza got close to him. Jun had fallen for his best friend. He knew that soon, he would have to move out, that it was the only way to save their friendship.
He heard the door open, then his roommate Kaza came into the room. He shut the door. "Sorry it took so long to get back."
"No problem," Jun told him.† He turned to his friend. "Congratulations."
"Your team won again." he looked up to the ceiling.† As on cue, his stomach growled. The agency had rules. One was if an artist was involved with a food show, they couldn't eat that day. Even if the person lost and they didn't get to taste the food. Jun had gone five days without eating.
"It's five losses in a row isnít it?" Kaza's voice was very soft.
"Yeah, it is."
Jun could hear the sound of a drawer opening. Then the sound of Kaza rustling around in the drawer. †"My mother sent me a care package. I hid some of it. It's just some brownies and cookies."
"Go ahead, eat." He looked at the wall.
He felt Kaza sit beside him on the bed. "Jun-chan, there's enough for both of us."
"What if we got caught?" Jun looked at him.
"We won't," Kaza smiled that smile that Jun loved. "Trust me."
Jun sat up; he took the brownie that Kaza had offered. He took a bite. "This is good."
"You should taste my mom's cookies." Kaza took a cookie from the package; he held it out to Jun who took a bite. There eyes met and Kaza smiled again.
†Jun could hear his heart thumping as he offered his brownie to Kaza. His friend took a bite. Then Kaza broke a piece of cookie off, and held it out. Using his mouth, Jun took it. He felt his midsection tightening as they shared food.
Kaza had a bit of brownie on his chin. It seemed the most natural thing in the world for Jun to lean forwards and using his lips, take the morsel off. He wanted to kiss Kaza, but reminded himself that he was only a friend.
"Why don't we do something fun tonight?" Kaza reached out, touching Jun's cheek. "We could go bowling."
"No, that wouldn't be a good idea." he lied. He wanted to agree to going out with his friend, but as boyfriends, not simply friends.
"We're friends, friends go out." Kaza stroked Jun's cheek.
"I'm sorry." He broke eye contact with Kaza. "I don't think we should ever go out again."
His friend flinched, his hand dropped. Without saying anything he went to his bed.
"Did I do something?" Kaza finally asked.
"What would make you think that?"
"You've been acting so strange around me lately." He sounded concerned. "Is it because I keep beating you on the show?"
"No, that's not it." Jun said quietly, he couldn't tell Kaza the truth.
"Then what is it? What did I do?"
"It's not you, it's me." He admitted. "I think I should move out."
"Youíre going to leave the dorms?"
He got up and went to his desk. Jun could feel his whole body shake. "Perhaps if we don't live together, my feelings for you will go away."
"I think I'm going insane. I look forward to something as little as your smile. It's like you smile just for me." He said very softly. "I have a one sided love for you."
"Jun-chan." Kaza breathed.
"I'm going to ask Toma if I can move into his room."
Jun closed his eyes, waiting for the mocking laughter. Instead, he heard Kaza move towards him, until he was standing right behind him. "Please, don't leave."
"I have to." a tear rolled down his cheek. "For the good of our friendship, I have to go."
"You've been at my side so long; I always thought you would be there." Kaza sounded very sad. "Perhaps if I had been brave enough to tell you how I feel, then you would still be there."
"I'm only a friend to you." Jun wiped his face.
"Then tell me, why does my heart feel like its dying?" Kaza whispered. "I find out the boy I love loves me too. Instead us being together, he's leaving me."
For the first time, Jun realized that Kaza had feelings for him. He turned to Kaza, who had tears rolling down his cheeks. Jun's heart melted.
"Please, don't say goodbye." Kaza said heartbroken. "You don't have to love me. Just be my friend."
"How can I not love you?" Jun reached out, touching Kaza's cheek. Then he bent down and kissed his friend. He could feel Kaza stand very still for a moment in shock, and then he sighed, and kissed Jun back.