Title: Someone to Watch Over P1/?

Author: Kyoko_godaikun

Paring: Subaru/Shota (eventually)

Summary: Shota keeps picking the wrong type of guys to go out with. But with every broken heart, he always turns to his best friend.

 

*************

Every member of Kanjani 8 loved to have nights off. This weeks night off was no exception. Most members of Kanjani 8 had ways of spending the night; most of them involved their lover. But the one that Subaru loved more then his life didn't love him. Not that way. The one he loved was simply his best friend, nothing more nothing less. He kept it to himself. He knew that one day the love would fade, and he would think of him as only his friend. Still, Subaru always got the doki doki feeling around Shota.

Shota's latest boy friend was in town. Kat-Tun was going to spend two weeks in Osaka. Shota had asked Subaru to help him plan the things he would do with Koki during their days off. Shota had no idea how much it hurt Subaru to agree to help him. But Subaru did help, for Shota.

Subaru took the night to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Subaru had just gotten to sleep when the doorbell rang. He ignored it. But it kept ringing. Over and over the noise continued. Then the person began to pound on the door.

Subaru realized it must be an emergency. He pulled on a robe and staggered to the door. He opened the door. Shota stood in the doorway, his eyes red rimed from crying.

"Can I come in?" Shota asked softly.

"I thought you had a date with Koki." Subaru asked confused.

"Please, Subaru let me in." Shota begged.

"Yeah, sure." He moved so that Shota could come in.

Shota walked into the living room and sat down at the couch. Subaru locked the door, and then joined his friend on the couch.

"I broke up with Koki." Shota said simply.

"What happened?" He asked concerned.

"Koki used me." Shota whispered. "I thought he loved me. I really did. But when he's in Tokyo he lives with Nakamaru."

"Nakamaru's his lover," Subaru guessed.

"Koki told me all I am to him is a boy hole!" Shota began to sob.

Subaru took Shota into his arms. The small body shaking against him. It wasn't the first time Shota had been hurt. It had happened again and again. Shota had a way of picking the wrong type of guy. Always he ran to Subaru with his broken heart. His friend would always somehow make it better.

"I'm sorry," Subaru stroked his friend's hair. He gently kissed his brow. He wanted to go after this lover of Shota. He wanted to pound Koki into the pavement. Didn't Koki realize how precious Shota was? The younger man was like fine china, he had to be protected from the bad boys that he was always attracted to.

Subaru wanted to tell Shota how much he loved him. How he would never, ever hurt him the way that Shota's other boy friends had. But Subaru knew he would never be able to tell Shota that. Instead, he would stay his best friend. Being there when Shota needed him. Subaru would show his love through friendship.

When he was finished crying, Shota pulled away from him. "Sorry you had to see me cry."

"It's all right," Subaru reached out, wiping the tears from Shota's face. "You're my friend. I don't mind you sharing it with me."

"What am I going to do?" He asked. "I don't want to go back to my apartment. It reminds me too much of him."

"Stay here with me." Subaru suggested. "I need a roommate."

Shota thought for a few moments, and then he nodded his head. "I would really like that."

*********************

It had hurt Shota when he found out that he was simply a side lover to Koki. That Koki loved one person, and that was Nakamaru. What was worse was that Kanjani 8 had to spend two weeks with Kat-Tun. Shota had looked forwards to working with his lover, but now all he could do was hope for the time to be finished.

If Shota had to face the break up with Koki alone, he wasn't sure what he would have done. Instead, Subaru was there. His wonderful friend. The one that Shota knew would support him no matter what.

Shota had spent that night in Subaru's bed. His best friend holding him close, protecting him. It was nothing sexual, just a friend helping the other out.

'Koki wants to hurt you." Subaru had whispered to him as he held him in bed. "He can't see that it's working."

"What can we do?"

"Let's make him think that he's nothing to you." Subaru suggested.

"How can we do that?" Shota asked. "He knows I care for him."

"He thinks he knows." Subaru smiled. "We'll lie to him. Tell him that he was just something on the side."

'The way he did with me." Shota realized.

"We'll pretend to be lovers." Subaru decided. "Just when we're around any Kat-Tun member."

"Do you think it will work?"

"It will drive Koki crazy." Subaru smiled again.

Shota thought for a moment, and then nodded. "All right, let's do it."

************

It didn't take long for the plan to work. Any time they saw a Kat-Tun member, Subaru's arm would go around Shota or he would take his friend's hand. It was almost like they where really together. Subaru still wanted to beat up Koki, but he knew this would be better. He would hurt Koki as much as Koki had hurt Shota.

The next day the two groups where taken to their next location on a bus. Subaru noticed that the ex lover was chatting to another group member. Shota was the last on the bus. His eyes swept the bus, briefly setting onto Koki who was chatting to Maru. For a moment Subaru could see the hurt in Shota's eyes.

"Sho-Chan!" Subaru smiled at Shota.

Shota looked at him. "What is it?"

"I saved you a place," Subaru told his friend. He moved the bag that had been sitting in the seat.

Shota sat down beside him. "Thanks."

The bus started. After a while, Subaru could feel Shota's head on his shoulder. His friend had fallen asleep. Subaru moved his arm so that it was around Shota's shoulders. Protecting him. If he had anything to do with it, Shota would never be hurt again.

***********************

Shota was in the dressing room with Koki. He had tried to stay away from his ex boy friend. But this time there had been no choice. The agency thought it would be great if the two groups spent all their time together. So Shota sat in the corner, as far away from Koki as he could.

"I've been taking to Yuichi." Koki told him.

"Have you?" Shota looked at his script.

"We've been talking," Koki ignored the snub. "We've decided that we need a threesome with you."

"Sorry, I'm busy."

"You can't be too busy for me." Koki smiled wolf-like at him.

"I don't want to go out with you." Shota insisted.

"But I decided to take you back." Koki moved closer to him.

Shota didn't want to get near Koki, but he still had feelings for him.

"I'm busy," he repeated weakly, knowing that he was going to give into Koki.

Just then Subaru came into the dressing room. He ignored Koki. Instead he plopped down beside Shota, putting his arm around him protectively.

"Subaru, we're having some quality time." Koki told him. "Can you leave?"

"Quality time?" Subaru grinned. "Can I watch? I mean it's good on video, but in person it must be better!"

"What do you mean?" Koki asked. "You want to watch?"

"Of course I want to watch!" Subaru gloated. "You mean Sho-Chan didn't tell you our little secret?"

"Secret?" Koki looked at Shota. "What secret is that?"

"Yeah, Baru-Chan, what secret is that?" Shota asked.

"Shota and I have been together a very long time. I have this desire you might call it." Subaru kissed Shota's cheek. "Shota's always been very willing to help me with it. Course I always pay him back afterwards."

"What is your desire?" Koki demanded.

"I have this small video camera that Shota brings with him everywhere." Subaru lied. "Every time the two of you were together, he taped it. For me, his real lover."

"You have all our times on film?" Koki gasped.

"Yes, we do."

"I don't believe this."

"Fine, don't believe it." Subaru smiled. "I'll give a copy of the DVDís to Nakamaru and see what he says. Hell, I'll give a copy to everyone in the Johnny's agency."

"Shota, is this true?" Koki demanded.

Shota looked at Subaru, who winked at him. He turned, plastering on a fake grin. "Of course it's true. You don't really think I loved you did you?"

"What can I give you to destroy the DVDís?" Koki finally asked.

"Leave Shota alone," Subaru told him. "Donít' even look at him again."

"Is that all?"

"Keep away from Shota for two years and I will give a copy of the DVDís to you," Subaru promised.

"Two years?"

"Two years isn't that long of a time when you think of what everyone will say when they see your performance." Subaru gloated. "Or do you want everyone to know you're into costumes? What would they say to the big bad wolf?"

"All right, I'll leave him alone!" Koki said quickly.

"Great, now pardon me, I need to get back to my lover." With that, Subaru kissed Shota full on the lips. Shota froze for a second then kissed back. That was one thing, Subaru was a wonderful kisser. He felt Subaru pulling him onto his lap. Shota went willingly. The kiss increased. Shota was really becoming excited at his friend's touch.

In a few moments, Shota could hear the door slam. Subaru pulled away from him.

"I don't think you'll be bothered with him again," he said softly. His body was shaking against Shota's. It made Shota wonder why Subaru would be so nervous holding him.

"That's for helping," Shota climbed off of his friendís lap.

"That's what friends are for," Subaru said modestly. He picked up his script. "Let's work on lines together."

They went back to working. Shota felt good that he had such a loyal friend. He just wished that someday he could have a boy friend that was as terrific as Subaru.

 

********************

Time passed for the two friends. Shota found that he really liked living with Subaru. It was nice to live with someone who was simply a friend. All of his boy friends had demanded more and more from the guitarist, then in the end always left him. It was so nice not to have to worry about that. Shota and Subaru had lived six months this way. Not dating, just sharing a friendship.

Shota hadnít felt good for quite a while. He hoped to just forget about being sick. But it didn't help. He had to take more breaks then usual. The others pretended not to notice, but Shota knew that he wasn't keeping up.

It was yet another break; no one had said anything to him. Shota was beginning to get dizzy. It felt like every bone in his body was hurting.

All Shota wanted to do was crawl into bed and rest, but he couldn't. He was a Johnny's and they never got sick.

Subaru smiled at Shota, a special smile that made him feel good. He handed him a bottle of water. "Theyíre really working us today, arenít' they?"

"I thought it was just me." Shota tried to smile.

"I'm about to fall over." Subaru admitted.

Subaru was called back to the rehearsal. Shota watched him. Just looking at his friend made Shota feel better.

Shota couldn't help but smile when Subaru danced. It made his heart happy. He felt a very familiar flipping in his heart. A feeling he never thought he would feel again. Love that what it was. He loved Subaru, not just like a friend. But it would be different this time. Shota decided that he wouldn't tell Subaru. He couldn't see a day without him.

*************

Shota's alarm clock rang. It didn't feel like morning to him. He rolled over and turned it off. It was all ready light outside. He had his alarm set for 5 am. He couldn't understand why it was light at five in the morning.

Shota got up as always. He didn't realize he would feel so worn out from the rehearsal. His body ached all over. He didn't even really feel like putting on his robe. So he walked into the living room in just his boxers.

Subaru was all ready dressed. He was chopping up something and throwing it in a slow cooker. That's what made Shota know it was morning. Subaru had a thing about using a slow cooker to make his dinner. He would fix dinner before they went to work, and by the time they got home there would be hot food waiting for them.

Subaru looked up to Shota. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"What do you mean?" Shota asked confused. "It's morning, we have rehearsal today."

"It's not morning." Subaru washed off his hands and put the lid on the slow cooker.

"My alarm went off. I have it set for five in the morning." Shota said puzzled.

"I'm sorry; I thought I had turned it off." Subaru told him.

"Why would you turn off my alarm?" he felt dizzy. He grabbed the couch to support him. "You're making supper; you always do that before you go to work."

Subaru suddenly was standing in front of him; he put his hand on Shota's forehead. Then the older man moved the hand and put his forehead against Shota's. "You have a fever."

"I'll be all right," he lied.

"You're sick Yassan." His lips brushed Shota's forehead, then he pulled away from him. "You need to go to bed."

"We have work today." Shota reminded him.

"Not today we don't." He felt Subaru guide him to the bedroom. Shota felt so weak that he didn't fight his friend. He didnt' really feel like fighting.

Subaru eased him back to the bed. Then Subaru tucked him into bed.

Shota couldn't help but notice the scars on Subaru's wrist. Usually he wore a bracelet or something to cover them up even when they were at home.

It was a reminder to Shota. Of the time when they were much younger. Subaru had a horrible break up with Tackey. He had been hurt badly by Tackey both times they had gone together. Subaru had fallen into a deep depression that had ended with him cutting his wrists.

"Are you hungry?" Subaru asked him.

"A little," Shota admitted.

"I'll be right back; I made you something to eat." Subaru left the room.

****************

Subaru was worried about Shota. His friend was sick, more then just a little sick. But still he was insisting he could work.

What was wrong with him?

Most Johnny's did everything they could to get sick, it was the only time they ever got time off. He would care for Shota. It wasn't love. Subaru had promised himself never to fall in love again. But then came Shota. Beautiful, gentle Shota. His friend had entered his heart and taken down Subaru's carefully built walls.

With Shota, the pain in Subaru's heart had begun to fade. No longer did he think the relationship that had almost destroyed his life. Two times Tackey had broken his heart and two times Subaru tried to kill himself. The only reason he was alive was because of Shota.

He kept his love for Shota to himself, vowing never to leave his friend's side. Subaru cared for Shota. He didnt' care that he was risking being made as sick as Shota.

Subaru had three slow cookers. All three were filled with food he had made for Shota. He went to the first one. It was a pot of chicken noodle soup.

He took the ladle and spooned Shota a bowl. He put the bowl on a tray and took it to Shota's room.

His friend tried to smile when he saw him. That surprised Subaru, since he was so sick. But then again, Shota had been smiling more and more around Subaru. It was a special smile that Subaru had never seen before.

"I made you something to eat," Subaru told him. His friend sat up. Then Subaru set the tray on Shota's lap.

"Chicken noodle, my favorite." Shota picked up the spoon that was beside the bowl. He took a sip. "Oh this is so good."

"Thanks," Subaru sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm so lucky to have you taking care of me." Shota smiled again.

"All part of the job." Subaru couldn't help but smile back at his friend.

****************

Two days passed, Subaru waited on Shota hand and foot. He was always there when Shota needed him. That feeling hadn't left Shota. Every time his friend got near him Shota felt the flipping in his heart. It was love the younger man realized. He was hopelessly in love with his best friend. He wasn't sure if his friend liked him that way. Subaru had been hurt badly in the past, so badly that Shota knew there was a chance that his friend could never love again.

All Shota wanted to do was sleep. He felt so very weak. Subaru would fuss over him. He did just about anything to get Shota's fever down, but nothing worked. Not the medicine, not the ice behind his neck. Not even the cold bath that Subaru had forced him to take.

"This is serious, really serious." Subaru had told him.

Subaru was the one who called the groups doctor. Shota still had a bad fever, Subaru knew that Shota was sicker then he let on. The doctor had come, examining Shota.

"Yasuda-san has the flu," The doctor told Subaru as he put his stethoscope in his bag.

"How long will it be before he gets to go to work?" Subaru asked concerned.

"I am going to contact your agency, and tell them to let the two of you off." The doctor told him.

"The both of us?"

"You've been exposed to the flu; you could pass it onto others." The doctor decided. "Don't worry; I'll take care of all the arrangements."

Shota watched as Subaru walked the Doctor out of the room.

A few minutes later, Subaru returned to the bedroom without the doctor. ďThe doctorís called the agency, we have a week off.Ē

"What will I do with my time?" He asked Subaru.

"We're always busy. Give yourself time to rest." Subaru smiled at him.

"Can I spend my off time with you?" Shota asked hopefully, he wasn't sure if Subaru would want to spend time with him.

Subaru gave him a look, a look he had never seen before from his friend. A look of pure happiness, almost joy. "I would really like that."

******************

It had been a happy time for Subaru. Tackey was in Osaka to film a drama and he had returned to Subaru. The Kansai native did anything that Tackey wanted him to. Including getting a tattoo. Still, that didn't seem to make a difference.

Then the day came when Tackey didn't return home until morning, he smelled of beer and sex.

"Where were you?" Subaru asked his lover.

"That is none of your business! It's over!" Tackey sneered at his lover.

"I thought you loved me." Subaru countered.

"How can anyone love you?" Tackey sneered. "Being with you is like being smothered by a blanket!"

"You promised that everything would be different." Subaru reminded him.

"You were just a lay. Nothing more nothing less. Now that I'm going back to Tokyo, I no longer need you." Tackey said cruelly. "I'll send for my things."

With that, Tackey walked out of his life.

The depression that had left him when Tackey had returned came back even stronger then it had before. It had to end, all the pain in his heart. His pocket knife lay on the beside table. Subaru opened it, and with a swift movement, he cut his wrist.

"Baru-Chan," he could hear as consciousness left him. "You're late for work; they sent me to get you."

Subaru could hear the door open. He wanted to yell for his friend. But he couldn't, he was too weak.

"Oh god, not again!" Shota almost screamed.

"Help me," Subaru gasped so softly he knew that his friend wouldn't hear him.

Subaru suddenly woke; he was sleeping on the couch. He brought his wrist into view. He had two thin scars. Then he turned his hand, to look at the tattoo. It was another reminder of his stupidity. Subaru knew he had been smothering Shota. He had a tendency to do that with his lovers. He had lost all of his boy friends with his smothering. It made him love them too much.

Subaru had to fight himself. He wanted to stay at Shota's side. To care for him. But he knew that was over loving. So instead, he simply waited on him, and left Shota alone to rest.

Still, the older man worried about Shota. He checked in on him often. When he wasn't at his side, he stayed on the couch.

Subaru could hear Shota moving around the room. Then he ran into something. Subaru could hear his friend fall. Then Shota yelled. "Baru-Chan, where are you?"

Subaru ran into Shota's bedroom. Shota lay curled on the floor.

Subaru reached out and touched him. Shota still had a high fever. His friend's eyes opened.

"Are you all right?" Subaru asked concerned.

"I woke up and you weren't here. I was looking for you." he said confused.

"I just stepped out of the room for a moment." Subaru helped Shota get to his feet. He walked his friend to the bed, pulling down the covers. Then Shota got in. Subaru tucked him in. "There, now get some sleep."

"Stay with me," Shota looked so vulnerable.

"I can't," he told his friend.

"Why not?" Shota asked. "I love you."

Subaru closed his eyes for a moment; he had not expected his best friend to go this crazy from the fever. It had to be the fever, Subaru tried to reason. There was no way that Shota could be in love with him.

"Baru-Chan, please." Shota put on his most pathetic look. "I love you so much. Sleep beside me tonight. Please tell me we're not just friends,"

"You're never just a friend to me," Subaru admitted. "You mean so much to me."

"I'm glad we're friends."

"So am I." He leaned down, kissing his friend chastely. Shota's lips were so hot beneath his.

"Stay Baru," Shota asked again. Suddenly Subaru couldnít' fight his heart any longer.

"All right," Subaru found himself getting in bed beside his friend.

"I won't be like Tackey, I won't hurt you." Shota promised.

"You're nothing like him." Subaru told his friend.

"Please, don't push me away." Shota whispered. "I want to show you that love can be wonderful."

"Sho-Chan, you're sick. Perhaps you don't mean everything you are telling me."

"So that's it, you don't feel the same way for me." Shota realized.

Subaru looked at Shota. Shota looked so innocent, so vulnerable. This wasn't Tackey, this one wouldn't hurt him. Shota was the only person that Subaru could trust.

"It's all right." Tears began to fall down Shota's cheeks. "You don't have to love me back."

"How can I not love you?" Subaru reached out, touching Shota's tears. Then he kissed Shota very gently. It was a simple chaste kiss. Shota was still too sick to love. Besides, in the back of Subaru's mind he was still afraid that everything that Shota was saying was because of his illness.

Soon Shota had moved so that his head was resting on Subaru's shoulder. He put his arm around Shota. It felt so good to hold his friend.

"Good night Baru-Chan." Shota closed his eyes. Soon he was asleep.

"Good night my love," Subaru knew he should go back into the living room. But he couldn't. He felt his place was with Shota. He decided that he would love him, no matter what would happen in the future

 

**********************

Everything had changed for Shota when he was ill with the flu. Subaru had been there hovering, taking care of him. Making him feel wanted, loved. Then just as suddenly when Shota was well, his friend had began to pull away from him. Until four months later there was little left of the friendship.

The two friends were waiting to be called to the set on their TV show. Subaru stood away from Shota, smoking a cigarette. Subaru had quit them soon after his attempted suicide, but suddenly he was back to smoking.

"We have tonight off," Shota said to Subaru. "Why don't we do something together?"

Subaru flinched. "I'm busy tonight."

"You're always busy," Shota told him. "Can't you take one night off?"

"I wont' stay home when you're there." the older man spat.

"We're friends...."

"Not anymore," Subaru interrupted.

"I don't understand, what did I do?" Shota asked confused.

"You're too needy," he smashed out his cigarette in the ash try. "You're always going on about yourself. Don't you realize that you drive your lovers away with your constant wants?"

Just then a staff member went to Subaru and told him he was needed. Subaru walked off, without even a second glance to his friend.

Shota felt tears in his eyes. It had happened yet again. He had been rejected by someone who loved him. It seemed to hurt more because the lover this time was Subaru. His very best friend.

Then Shota felt arms going around him. He thought for a moment that the arms belonged to his friend, that Subaru had changed his mind. Instead, the arms belonged to someone taller.

"What he said wasn't true," The almost too deep voice told him. Shota turned in his friend's arms. Maruyama's hold on his tightened. "I don't know what's wrong with Subaru."

"Itís all right," Shota put his arms around his friend. "Perhaps I'm the type who was fated to be alone."

"Do you really want to be alone?" Maruyama asked.

"I don't get a choice; the one I love doesn't love me back." A single tear rolled down Shota's cheek.

*************************

"I love you," Subaru had told Shota when he was ill. "I won't be like the other men in your life. I won't break you're heart."

Shota could still remember his friends whispered words. Subaru had told him he loved him. He had slept at Shota's side and made the younger man feel like he was important. But why was his friend pushing him away?

Nothing made sense to the younger man. Subaru had begun to wake before Shota. Usually the younger man woke to an empty apartment. Gone were the evenings spent together. Shota was alone and he hated being alone.

Shota sat in his dressing room. Before the illness, Shota had always shared a dressing room with Subaru. Now he had to share it with Ohkura, who was all right as a roommate went. But he had Maruyama. It was hard hearing him talk constantly about the one he loved.

"What's going on between you and Baru?" Ohkura asked. "Ryuhei told me that Baru made you cry."

"I asked Baru-Chan if he wanted to do something tonight." he felt tears sting his eyes. He didn't want to talk about Baru.

"Something happened between the two of you when you had the flu." Ohkura plopped down in the other chair. "Did you have a fight?"

"No, it wasn't a fight." he paused. "If I tell you this, can you promise not to tell Baru-Chan?"

"You won't hear it from me." Ohkura promised.

"I fell in love with Subaru. But I kept it to myself. I couldn't risk hurting him. But then when I got sick...." A tear fell down his cheek.

"What happened?" his friend asked gently.

"It was like my fever lowered my inhabitations. I let Baru-Chan know that I loved him. He said he loved me too." More tears. "Why did he have to tell me he loves me when he doesn't? Why would he lie to me?"

"Who says it's a lie?"

"It has to be. If he really loved me, we would be together." he wiped his face. "I would wake to that wonderful smile he used to give me. But he doesn't love me. It hurts Tacchan, why would my best friend cause me so much pain?"

Ohkura moved to the couch and took Shota into his arms.

"It will get better," Ohkura promised.

"No, there is nothing that will make it better." Shota said. "I should have realized he would never love me. That I'm not the type of man he would ever love."

***************

About an hour later, Shota returned to the shooting stage. When he returned, Ohkura was deep in conversation with Maruyama. The drummer sitting on his lovers' lap. Shota tried to be quiet. He didn't want to disturb his friends.

"Hey Shota," Ohkura climbed off of his lover's lap and sat on the couch. "Done for today?"

"Yeah, I am." Shota picked his bag up and began to shove things into it.

"Got any plans for this weekend?"

"None at all." Shota admitted.

"Some of us are going to my uncle's inn to party." Maruyama said.

"I don't want to interfere in your date." Shota told his friends.

"It's not a date, just some friends!"

"Is Subaru coming?" Shota looked back at his bag. "If he's coming, I might not."

"I don't think so." Ohkura told him. "He says he's busy."

"Who is going?" Shota had to know.

"So far it's Hina, Yoko, Ryo and Uchi." Maruyama listed.

"Then it's a lover's weekend." Ohkura guessed.

"No it isn't!" Maruyama smiled. "Just some friends having fun!"

Shota thought for a moment, and then he smiled. "All right. A weekend away from Subaru is what I need. So I'd be glad to come."

"Great deal!" Maruyama told him.

Just then, Shota's ride arrived. He left the room with his staff member.

Ohkura smiled at Maruyama, and then went to his lover putting his arms around him. "You are good."

"Some people say I am." Maruyama put his arms around Ohkura.

"What are they going to do when they find out they are roommates at your uncle's inn?"

"Hopefully get together." He kissed his lover.

*******************************

Shota didn't really want to go on the trip with the group. He had realized when he arrived at the train station that Subaru would be there. He didn't really fancy spending a lot of time with someone who hated him. But since it was a group trip, he went.

When they got onto the train, they realized that instead of two rows of seats together, they had been given two rows that ran side by side. Shota found a seat. In a way he was glad he didn't have to sit beside his former friend.

Subaru sat across the isle from Shota. He had a six pack of beer in his carry on bag. He drank one after the other. All the time glaring at Shota. He wasn't sure why Subaru hated him. But his friend did.

Shota finally gave in and took out a beer. He drank it slowly. He hoped that the beer would make him numb from his hurt soul. Then he realized he needed more then that. He took out some pain pills. They had been given to him for the migraines he sometimes got. He took three.

Soon the pills began to work. Shota began to feel comfortably numb.

***************

The group arrived at the inn that Maruyama's family owned. It was fairly late, so they went directly to their rooms. The only person who didn't go to their room was Subaru, who went directly to the bar. Shota had turned the TV on in his room, and watched something. He began to feel things again, so he took two more pain pills washed down with beer.

"I want you to know I didn't want to be your roommate." Subaru told him when he finally arrived at their room. He reeked of beer.

"I know that Baru." Shota didn't feel totally in control of himself He hadn't had his pain pills and beer together before. He didn't realize how drunk it would make him feel.

"I am going to move out of our apartment when we get home from this trip." he told him.

"If that's what you want," Shota decided that he would leave at that moment. He got out of bed and went to his bags.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Subaru asked sarcastically. "Beg me to stay?"

"You don't want to be around me." Shota told him. "Why do you think I want to be around you?"

"Do you want to be around me?"

"Of course I do! I love you!" he found himself babbling.

Shota wanted to run out of the room. He didn't want Subaru to see him cry. His former friend would think it was a weakness. But he was drunk and didn't have the control he usually had. The tears came, and he couldn't fight them.

"Why are you crying?" Subaru asked.

"I thought you would be different. That you wouldn't hurt me. But the pain is so much worse then any other pain I felt before." Shota sank to the floor. "Now I know why you cut your wrists after Tackey left you. How could you live with the pain? How could you go on with your life, looking at the one you love and knowing he hates you? How did you live with it? I want to die; I don't want this pain anymore."

Shota was expecting his friend to leave without saying anything. Instead, Subaru knelt beside him on the floor and took him into his arms.

Then Subaru was kissing him. It wasn't a chaste kiss. Shota could taste the beer on Subaru's breath. Then Subaru's tongue invaded his mouth, and kisses the younger man with pent up passion. Shota felt himself being pulled onto Subaru's lap. He went willingly. The kiss seemed to last forever. It was everything, everything that he had ever wanted.

"I'm never going to let you go." Subaru promised.

"You hate me..."

"No my love, I love you more then my life." Subaru kissed him again. "Let me show you. Okay baby?"

"All right," Shota pulled a tube of lube out of the front of his bag. He pressed it into Subaru's hand. "Make love to me Baru."

*******

Subaru woke up. He had the strangest dream. Of loving Shota. He also had a massive hang over. But for a little while he had thought that the drinking would take away the pain. It hurt to love Shota. He knew that his friend didn't love him. So he had to act like he hated him. Subaru didn't want to. But he had to, to protect his friend.

Subaru was sleeping on the floor. Someone had wrapped him in a blanket. His head was on a pillow. A head was also on the pillow. Subaru realized someone was sleeping beside him. He looked at the person. It was the friend he loved more then anything. Who was nude. He had love bites on his neck. There were rug burns on the younger man's back.

The older man felt revulsion well up in his stomach. He had been drunk, but he knew that was no excuse. He closed his eyes as a memory washed over him. He had pinned Shota down, forcing himself into his friend. He could remember his friend's cries of pain. He had hurt Shota. Rape was such a hard word, but Subaru knew that's what he did. He had raped his best friend.

Shota told him he loved him, but Shota was always doing that when he was drunk. Subaru knew that it wasnít' true.

Subaru couldnít' help himself when he was with Shota. All he wanted to do was love him. It was getting harder and harder to keep his hands off of him. Subaru knew it was simply a matter of time before he hurt his friend again.

That was when he realized his shoulders had been scratched. The wounds so deep that Subaru knew he would have scars. He deserved to have scars for what he did to his friend. Shota had trusted him.

The older man looked down to his wrist. He had promised Shota that he would never try to kill himself again. He hated himself for what he did to Shota. Subaru wanted to die. To cut himself and let the pain end. Then he remembered promising Shota that he would never try and kill himself again. For Shota's sake, he would stay alive.

Subaru realized he would have to leave the group. He had to protect Shota. He found a pen and some paper and scribbled a note. He bent down kissing the lips of his sleeping friend. Shota didn't open his eyes. He set the note on the pillow beside Shota.

Then with one look back, Shibutani Subaru left Kanjani 8 and the man he loved.

 

*******************

***************************

.

Shota was alone when he woke. He could remember clearly Subaru making love to him. Their love making so intense. He had scraped at his lover to get him more into him. Their first love making on the floor. Then, when it was finally done, Subaru had pulled a blanket off the bed and a pillow. They cuddled together, the new lovers. Subaru making lover bites on Shota's neck. It seemed so magical to Shota. He hadn't wanted to fall asleep. But Subaru had promised he would be there when he woke, so Shota fell asleep in his new loverís arms.

Shota waited, hoping that Subaru would come back; perhaps his friend had gone to the rest room. So he waited, the anticipation making him a bit hot. But after a few minutes Shota realized his friend had left.

The younger man felt confused. Why would his new lover simply leave? It made no sense. It wasn't a one night stand, at least that's what Shota hoped. When he was with Subaru it never felt like a one night stand.

Then Shota realized there was a folded piece of paper on the pillow beside his head. Without anyone saying, Shota realized it was a note from Subaru. With shaking fingers Shota opened the note.

"Shota,

I know you will not remember much of last night. In fact, you probably wonder what happened to you. Your body hurts and there are marks on it.

I took advantage of you. You were drunk. I knew it and I didn't care. All I saw was the man I love telling me he loved me. I knew it was the beer talking, I knew and still I made love to you. I can remember your screams of pain. They didn't matter to me. All that mattered was that I had you. You scratched me trying to get away from me, but still I didn't stop.

I am a monster.

I never thought I would fall in love again. I thought Tackey had won, and destroyed my heart. But he hadn't won. The one that won is the gentle, kind man. The one that is the other half of my soul. I know you don't love me, not that way. Your love is one of friendship.

I'm having a very hard time controlling myself around you. I am leaving Kanjani 8. I will never set eyes on you again. I have to do this. To protect you from me. I want to spend my life at you side. To hold you in my arms and to wake up to your smile.

I can no longer be friends with you. I must go away, to protect my beloved Shota. I hope that someday you will understand. I hope that youíll take flowers to my grave.

I will not cut my wrists. I made you a promise long ago. But there will be another ending. Do not blame yourself my beloved. It's my fault. I deserve to die for what I did to you.

Sayonara,

Subaru

Subaru his beloved, wonderful Subaru had thought he had raped Shota. He couldn't understand why. Shota had been the one to almost forcibly seduce the older man. Then he realized that Subaru must have really been drunk, so drunk that he didn't remember everything.

Shota was afraid, really afraid by the tone of the note. His friend had tried to kill himself before because of love; he was terrified he would do it again.

Shota quickly went through Subaru's bags. He was looking for something; something he knew could help Subaru. He found the small pharmacy bag shoved into the bottom of Subaru's overnight case. The date on the receipt was five months old. The bag was still stapled shut.

That's when Shota realized that Subaru hadn't taken the medication that he had been prescribed for depression in at least five months. The meds he had been taking since soon after the last suicide attempt.

Shota knew that he had to find Subaru and to stop him. Shota now knew that there was a very real threat that Subaru would kill himself.

****************

Shota ran to Maruyama's room. He could hear noises coming out of the room. He knew that his friends wouldn't thank him for disturbing their loving. But he needed help in finding Subaru. He pounded on the door. Praying that his friends would stop what they were doing, and help him.

Ohkura finally opened the door. He was wearing a robe. His hair a mess, fresh love bites on his chest. He looked over Shota warily. "What is it?"

Shota pushed his way into the room. He stepped over quickly cast aside clothes. He didn't care about that; all he cared about was finding Subaru.

Maruyama lay in the one bed. It was obvious that he was nude. He looked at Shota. "We were busy."

"I know, but it's an emergency." Shota told his friend.

"What is it?" Ohkura asked.

"Why aren't you with Baru-Chan?" Maruyama asked.

"He left me." Shota explained. "He's quitting the group. He says he'll make it so that he can never hurt me again."

"Hurt you?" Ohkura repeated.

"He's got it into his head that he raped me." Shota paused.

"Did he?" Maruyama asked.

"Of course not, I wanted it." he paused. "Do you know where he went?"

"No, we've been busy." Maruyama told him.

"I've got to find him." Shota insisted.

"If he needs some time alone..."

"The last time he was like this, he tried to kill himself. I'm so afraid...."

"How can you be sure that he will do anything?" Ohkura asked.

"He left a note. He said that he's going to end it all." Shota told them.

"Just a note?"

"I found his meds in his suitcase. The package was still sealed. The last time he refilled it was five months ago." Shota said quickly.

"He's off his meds?" Ohkura gasped.

"That's why I'm so afraid. He's all right when he takes the meds, but when he doesn't....."

"His depression comes back," Ohkura realized.

"We'll help you find him." Maruyama promised.

********************

Subaru sat on the roof of the inn. It was a national treasure, so there was no fence on the roof like most buildings. There was nothing to keep anyone from jumping. It would be so easy, just get up and walk. He had promised Shota he would never cut his wrists again. But he hadn't promised not to try and kill himself again.

Subaru never had suicide thoughts when he took his medicine for depression. But he had stopped taking them right before Shota had gotten sick. Now he found himself spiraling into a dark depression. The doubts and fears from before had come back full force. He knew what the doctors would say; he was sick, really sick. But he didn't feel sick. What he felt was the truth. This was what he was really like. The meds only a crutch to keep him from his real self.

Subaru wanted to die. He had hurt Shota. He still couldn't remember everything. But he could remember Shota writhing beneath him, crying in pain. Subaru had been turned on by Shota's cries, and his friends digging his nails into him had only spurned him on.

He didn't deserve to live.

He could hear the door to the roof open. People were talking. He blocked them out. It didn't matter what they said. All he could think of was the beautiful, wonderful man that he had fallen in love with. The one that he had hurt with his drunken behavior.

"Baru-Chan, what are you doing?" Yoko asked.

"I'm sitting here thinking." Subaru told him.

"You don't mind if Hina and I stay up here?"

"I guess not." In fact, Subaru did mind. While they were there, he wouldn't be able to jump.

Hina sat down on his left side, Yoko on his right. The two friends began to talk to him as if there was nothing unusual finding Subaru sitting on the roof of a building.

*They don't really like me.* His self doubt told himself. *Their just doing this because they are expected to.*

Subaru waited, knowing that it was just a matter of time before his friend went back inside. Then he would be able to be free of all the pain that haunted his mind. It would be just a little walk, then a free fall. He had heard that it was almost like flying. Subaru would find out soon enough.

*****************

***************

Shota had spent a night with Subaru. It was everything that Shota had wished for. He didn't expect to be alone when he woke. The only thing left from Subaru was a note. A note which convinced Shota that his lover would try and kill himself.

Shota was getting more and more worried as time went by. He fought the panic that tried to overcome him. He searched for Subaru not having any idea where he might have gone.

. The island had only one ferry. It would be leaving in less then two hours. But Shota wasn't worried about a ferry. He was worried about the safety of his lover.

Ohkura and Maruyama had joined Shota on his search. Maruyama knew the island, all the secret places that someone might want to hide if he didn't want to be found.

They combed the small village. There had been no sight of Subaru. Shota knew that Subaru had to be somewhere. The two times he had tried to kill himself in the past he had unintentionally set it up so that he would be found by someone.

Subaru wasn't in his right mind. That fact terrified Shota. He wasn't sure what Subaru was capable of in his current state of mind. He had to find Subaru, to get him help.

"Does he know the island?" Ohkura asked him.

"No, he doesn't." Shota admitted.

"Then he could be anywhere."

Then Shota's ketai began to ring. He answered it. It was Hina. "We found him."

Shota dashed back to the inn. Ohkura and Maruyama close behind him.

He found Ryo in the lobby. "He's on the roof."

"Alone?"

"Hina and Yoko are with him." Ryo told him.

Shota moved to go to the roof, but Ryo stopped him.

"I need to go to Subaru." Shota insisted.

"You will." He promised. "But I need to tell you something. I called the old man. He's arranged for Subaru to go to the hospital."

Shota couldn't believe his ears. "The hospital?"

"Just for a while." Ryo tried to reassure. "Until he becomes stable."

"No, no hospitals! He just needs his medicines...."

"Ryo's right," Ohkura told him. "Subaru needs help."

"As much as you love him you're not a professional." Maru pointed out. "He needs some intense help."

"The doctors might make him stop loving me." Shota said in a small voice.

"Baka!" Ryo snapped. "There's no way that anyone could make him stop loving you."

Shota realized his friends were right. He looked them over. "What do you want me to do?"

*******************

Subaru was on the roof of the inn. He was trying to wait Yoko and Hina out. He knew it was just a matter of time until they got sick of waiting for him to move and go inside. Then Subaru could do what he had planned to do. It was simple; just walk forwards a few feet, then a fall.

"Shota's here," Hina told the unmoving Subaru.

"No, why would he come to see me?" Subaru's voice said softly. "I hurt him."

Subaru couldn't stop the tears. He hated himself. How could he have used Shota? He loved him. Shota was his best friend. He realized he was as bad as Tackey. He had used Shota the same way that Tackey had used him. Not really caring for the other's feelings.

His shoulder hurt. It would leave a scar. A scar, like the scars on Subaru's wrists. That is if he lived. But he knew that death would come soon. Then Shota would be free of the pain that came from being hurt.

.

The tears fell. Subaru couldn't control them. He was heartbroken. There was a part of him that didn't want him to kill himself. That wanted to go to Shota, to kiss his friend's lips. To tell him just how much he loved him. But it was too late for that. Perhaps Subaru could have done that before he hurt Shota.

Then Subaru realized that Shota was sitting beside him. "It's really high up here."

"Yeah it is." Subaru wiped the tears from his face.

"Are you going to jump?"

"I was thinking of it." He fought back the tears. "I have to die."

"Give me one good reason why you should die." Shota said.

"I promised myself that I would never fall in love again after Tackey. But then you came into my heart. I found myself loving you more then I love myself." Subaru couldnít look at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to loose you." Subaru looked away from Shota. "Love is only a thing that causes pain. I know that, but still I love you."

'There is more to love then pain." Shota said gently.

"Why do you say that?" Subaru wiped his eyes. "You've been hurt time and time again. Why don't you give up?"

"We are in pain now Baru." Shota reached out taking his hand. "We are in pain because we're not together."

"I raped you."

"I wanted what we did." Shota told him. "You must not remember everything. I'm the one that seduced you."

"But your rug burn and I can remember you screaming." Subaru told him. "I deserve to die."

Shota seemed to make up his mind. "If you're going to jump, then I am too."

"Why would you do something as stupid as that?"

"I would be with you forever." Shota decided. "I will be dead and so will you. If we're lucky, we'll be in heaven together."

"Do you know how stupid that sounds?"

"About as stupid as wanting to kill yourself because you're in love." Shota reached out and very gently wiping the tears from Subaru's face. Then his fingers gently caressed the older man's cheek.

"Please don't touch me like that," Subaru said softly.

"What's wrong with the way I'm touching you?" The first hand was joined by the second.

'It makes me feel like you love me." he whispered.

"What's so wrong with that? You deserve to have someone love you." Suddenly Shota was kissing his lips.

Subaru wanted to run away. But he couldn't move. It felt so good to be kissed by Shota. Finally Subaru gave in; he put his arms around his lover.

"Donít die," Shota whispered into his ear. "Please, don't die. I need you here with me. I love you so much."

"You love me?" Subaru gasped. "It isn't just because you're drunk?"

"Of course it isn't!" Shota said firmly. "With my other boy friends, I thought I was in love. But really, my first love is you. You showed me what real love is."

"I love you too." Subaru finally admitted.

"Will you please stop trying to kill yourself?"

Subaru nodded. Then Shota was kissing his lips again. While they kissed, Shota moved so that he was sitting on Subaru's lap. This was right, so very right. Subaru realized he didn't have to die. That perhaps with Shota the demons that haunted his mind would be gone.

"I want to be inside you," Subaru finally murmured. "Right now, right here."

Shota pulled away from him a little bit, and looked behind him. Subaru looked too and realized for the first time that the rest of the group was watching them.

"You can go home now," Subaru put his arms around his lover. "No one's going to die tonight."

Subaru was surprised when Shota pulled away from him, getting to his feet. "Baru-Chan, you need help."

"I have you, I don't need help." He reached out to Shota.

Shota stepped back a pace. "You need to go back to the hospital."

"I need to stay here with you!" Subaru insisted.

"I'm sorry!" Shota insisted. "You have get help."

"You betrayed me!" Subaru yelled. A lie, it had all been a lie. Shota didn't love him. Shota was just like Tackey. Subaru lashed out at Shota, punching him hard in the face. So hard that he heard bones snap. Subaru's hand felt like it had been shattered. Shota fell down. He moved to kick his friend when he felt someone pulling him away from the younger man.

Yoko knelt down beside Shota, who was bleeding from his mouth. Shota was crying. Subaru didn't care. All he wanted to do was hurt Shota more.

Yoko asked Shota a question, but he couldn't answer. His jaw was beginning to swell. The younger man was sobbing in pain.

Subaru could feel blood on his hand. He looked down to it. His knuckles were bleeding. His hand was swollen. He realized he had broken his hand on Shota's face.

Still, Subaru tried to get away from his band mates. He would take Shota and both would go over the edge. But he couldn't get away from his friends. Subaru found himself being pulled to the elevator and shoved inside. Then the door shut.

When it opened again, he was pulled into the parking lot, and shoved into a waiting taxi. Ryo and Hina got into the taxi with him. Then with a command from Hina, the taxi took off.

 

****************************

Sickness that was what Subaru was told he had. An illness that had taken over his mind. An illness that had forced him to do the unspeakable.

Subaru wasn't sure how long he had been in this place. They called it a hospital. But hospitals were for sick people, and at first Subaru didn't feel sick. He felt hurt, angry because he had been betrayed by Shota. He had thought that Shota had loved him. But all of that had been a lie.

So he spent his days sitting in a bare room. He would take what ever meds that they would bring to him. If someone had put cyanide in his breakfast, he would have eaten it. He found that doing what ever was asked of him was easier.

Subaru hated the hospital. He the fact that he had to be watched twenty four hours a day. But he was unstable, and his being watched was for his own protection.

Time began to change Subaru. He realized he was ill. He took the meds because he wanted to be healed. He began to work hard at trying to get well. He realized that he had no choice. He had to be in the hospital.

He looked at the brace on his arm. He should have a cast, but casts were dangerous around unstable people. So he had a brace, which meant that his hand took longer to heal. In a way he was grateful for the brace. The brace covered the scars and the tattoo he had gotten because of Tackey.

Subaru threw himself into getting well. He was doing this for himself. He hated his unstable self. He wanted to be stable, not for Shota. He knew he had lost him when he punched his friend.

"It wasn't your fault." the doctors kept telling Subaru. "It was your illness that hurt Yasuda-kun."

Subaru knew better. They weren't haunted by the dreams of seeing the man he loved on a roof, bleeding from his mouth. No one would tell him just how injured Shota was. He knew that the injuries had to be severe.

The doctors told him he was almost well. That Subaru would be released soon. Subaru asked about his illness and was told it had been stabilized because of the meds. . Subaru wondered how his illness could be gone. He had hurt the man he loved. How could that monster suddenly simply vanish?

***************

It wasn't until the last week of being in the hospital that Subaru was allowed visitors outside of his family. He thought it had been a good thing. He could concentrate on getting better and not on entertaining guests.

Then one day, the duty nurse came into his room. It was a very small room, with simply a bed, a dresser and a chair.

"You have a visitor," The nurse told him. "One of your band mates."

*Could it be Shota?* Subaru felt hope for a brief moment. He had to stop himself; he knew it wouldn't be Shota. He had destroyed his relationships with his best friend.

A few minutes passed and someone came to his room. It was Hina.

"How are you doing?" Hina asked.

"I'm okay." Subaru tried to act as if nothing had happened.

"How's the arm?"

"It's getting better," He looked down to the brace. "How's the rest of the group?"

"Busy," Hina sat down on the one chair in the room. "Everyone's had to try to take up the slack for both you and Shota being gone."

"Shota being gone?" Subaru repeated.

Hina didn't answer. Just looked around the room. His eyes settling on the photo of him and Shota together. Everything felt so strange around his friend. Subaru wondered if it was because of his illness.

"How is Shota doing?" Subaru finally asked.

"What do you care?" Hina snapped.

'"He's my friend." Subaru reminded him.

"You mean he was your friend." Hina corrected. "After what you did to him, you expect to be friends with him?"

"What do you mean?" Shota asked confused. "What did I do to him?"

"Come off of it! You know what happened!" Hina was angry, more then angry. "You broke your hand on his jaw. What do you think happened to him?"

"I'm not sure, they haven't told me." Subaru admitted.

"If you think you're going back to him, you're not!" With that Hina stormed out of the room.

Subaru went to the window. He watched as Hina got into his car and drove away. He realized he had lost another friend with his behavior.

**************

Hina returned the next day. Subaru was afraid that Hina was still upset with him. Instead, Hina smiled at him.

"It's good to see you." Hina sat down on the room's only chair. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," He told his friend.

They talked for a while; it was like the other visit hadn't happened. Gone was the awkwardness between the friends. Hina always had a way of making Subaru feel more relaxed.

"Can I ask you something?" Subaru finally asked his friend.

"You can ask me anything."

"I know I hurt Shota, but no one will tell me exactly what I did to him." Subaru confessed.

"Why do want to know what you did to him?' Hina asked. "Is it because you want him back?"

"I know I'll never get him back.Ē Subaru said in a near whisper ďI don't deserve to get him back. Iím just worried about him."

"You broke his jaw." Hina told him.

"Oh god," Subaru closed his eyes. "This is worse then what I thought."

"His jaws have been wired shut. So he can't eat solid food." Hina told him. "He's been getting out patient treatments in this hospital."

"Why would he need to be treated?" Subaru asked. "I'm the one that's sick."

"He needs help," Hina said gently. "He won't give you up, even though you hurt him badly. For some strange reason he still has faith in you."

"So that's why you're here," Subaru realized. "You want me to break up with him."

"It's for the best," Hina agreed. "We voted. If you don't write him a note, we'll forge one."

Subaru showed him his broken hand. "I can't write."

"I'll write it for you if you tell me what to say." Hina volunteered. "Then you can sign it with your left hand."

"All right," Subaru agreed.

Subaru felt his heart breaking as he dictated the note to his friend. But he knew Hina was right. Shota had to be free of him.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Subaru continued to work on getting better. Kanjani 8 members would visit every day. Sometimes he thought he saw Shota out of the corner of his eyes, though he knew it was impossible.

Subaru had been told he was going to be released the next day. He was happy with the news, even though he knew Shota wouldn't be waiting for him.

Ryo came to visit. That surprised Subaru. The two weren't really close. Ryo always seemed to be too busy to be friends.

"I'm getting out tomorrow." Subaru told him.

"That's great!" Ryo smiled at him. It was a fake smile; Subaru had seen it too many times to know that it wasn't real. "I have something for you,"

"Oh really? What?"

Ryo took the envelope out of his pocket.

Subaru opened the letter; he was able to recognize Shota's hand writing.

"I know that the rest of the group made you write the letter. We are both getting help. I talked to my councilor about you. He agrees with me that the time isn't right for us to break up. I still love you, and I will wait for you. If you want to answer this, give it to Ryo, he's promised not to tell anyone."

Subaru looked up to Ryo. "I need to give him an answer. Would you be able to write it for me?"

"Sure," Ryo smiled.

Subaru took out a pad of paper and a pen. He handed it to the younger man. Then he began to dictate.

"We must break up. I am very sick, and I am afraid I will kill you. Please, go on with your life. Find someone else. Someone that won't break your jaw. One that will love you just for you. I am doing this because I love you more then anything. I wish I had been well when we got together. We could have spent our lives together. But that will never happen."

He felt tears sting his eyes as he dictated the letter. With every word, Subaru knew it was over between him and Shota.

"You and Shota?" Subaru asked when he was finished with the letter.

"No, there's nothing." Ryo folded up the letter.

"But you love him?"

"He's very easy to love." Ryo put the letter in his pocket.

Shota was sick, because of him. He promised he would never, ever hurt his friend again. Shota would move on. That was for the best. Subaru loved him so much, that he had to set him free.

**************

In the park that surrounded the hospital, Shota sat under a tree. He was waiting for Ryo. He thought the day was beautiful. But he wasnít thinking of the weather, he thought of Subaru. He hoped that Ryo would be able to give the note to Subaru.

Shota had visited the doctor before Ryo went to visit Subaru. Shota thought it was stupid to see the doctor. After a week of visits, His doctor had told him was nothing wrong with him. That he didn't have the co dependence that the agency said he had. But money talked, and Shota went to the hospital almost daily. Most of those time spent reading stories to children that waited for their appointments.

Shotaís teeth hurt the braces that he wore since the attack had been tightened that morning. The braces were wired together. It was to help his broken jaw heal. He hated the braces, because with them he couldnít eat solid food.

Ryo finally came out of the hospital. He walked up to Shota. "I saw him."

"How is he doing?"

"Better, he's working hard at getting well. He's worked so hard that he's being released tomorrow." Ryo took a letter out of his pocket. "He wanted you to have this."

Shota read the letter. Subaru again was breaking up with him. The letter angered him.

"Who told him to write this?" Shota demanded.

"No one," Ryo said a little too innocently.

"Does he really think this will make me break up with him?" Shota shoved the letter in his pocket.

"He's worried about your safety." Ryo told him. "We're all worried about you Sho-Chan.".

Then Shota looked up to the hospital. Someone was watching him from a second floor window. A person he hadn't seen in two months. He wore a brace on his arm. It was Subaru! By the look on his face, Shota knew that Subaru still loved him. In that instant, Shota knew that the letters were a lie. Subaru didn't want to leave him.

Shota waved at Subaru. After a moment Subaru waved back. Shota wanted to run to his friend, to tell him it was going to be all right. But all he could do was smile at him. His friend smiled back.

Then suddenly, Ryo grabbed Shota and kissed him hard on the mouth. He could feel the wires from the braces cutting the inside of his lips.

Shota fought to get away from his friend. By the time he was away from him, Subaru had moved out of the window.

"Why did you kiss me?" Shota demanded.

"I promised to protect you. That includes protecting you from yourself." Ryo told him. "Now that Subaru thinks we're together, he'll leave you alone!"

Shota looked up to the now empty window. He just wished that he could talk to Subaru, to tell him that the kiss was a lie. *I promise Iíll get you back.*