Title: Together

Author: Kyoko Godaikun

Email: kyoko_godaikun@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don’t own Domoto Koichi or Domoto Tsuyoshi. They own each other.

Warning: This story contains Bishonnen Ai. Do not read if you are offended by Male/male love

Warning two: This story discusses non-consensual sexual abuse and violence. Do not read if you are offended by this

Archiving: The only place that has permission to archive this story is Katrinka’s page. No one else may archive this without the express permission of the author


Time: May 1997


It was late when Koichi returned from the mansion. He used his key to let himself in the dorm. He took off his shoes in the entryway and put them in his locker. Then he went into the main room. There was a light on at one of the study desks. He could see the unmistakable figure of Tsuyoshi working. Koichi glanced at his watch. It was 2 AM.


Koichi could still remember the Manager telling him that there would be workmen at the dorm the next morning, because the security devices in the main room were out.  Tonight it would be safe for him to talk to Tsuyoshi. Koichi went to his friend's side. Tsuyoshi was sketching in a sketch book. 


"What are you doing?" Koichi asked.


"I'm drawing." Tsuyoshi yawned.


Koichi grabbed the chair at the next desk, and sat down beside Tsuyoshi. "You're very dedicated to your art."


"Perhaps someday, when all this is over, I might turn professional." Tsuyoshi put down his pencil.


"You should, you're good." Koichi paused. "You need to go to bed, you have school tomorrow."



"Don't worry about me." Tsuyoshi told him.  "I stay up late every night. If I'm really tired when I go to sleep, I don't remember my dreams in the morning." Tsuyoshi admitted.


Koichi kicked himself mentally; he should have realized that Tsuyoshi was trying to escape the nightmares.  "Gomen Na, I wasn't thinking."


"It's all right."


"Can I see your art?" Koichi said, changing the subject.


 "Sure," Tsuyoshi handed Koichi his notebook.


Koichi opened the book and began to look at the sketches. He had expected to see many cartoons, as that was Tsuyoshi’s favorite way to draw. Inside the notebook there were serious sketches of people around the dorm, students at school. "These are really good."


"I've been taking art classes. The sensei told me that I should try something more serious."


 Koichi turned the page. There was a sketch of Tsuyoshi looking into a mirror, his back was bruised. On the other side of the mirror, instead of seeing his reflection, it was Koichi, who wore a metal collar and a chain around his wrist. His face was bruised and battered. It described perfectly the relationship between Koichi and Tsuyoshi.


"I'm sorry; I didn't want you to see that one." Tsuyoshi took the notebook away from him. He tore the page out and crumpled it up in a ball.


"Don't throw it away." Koichi put his hand on top of Tsuyoshi's. "I want to keep it."


"It's not any good."


"Please Tsu-chan, let me keep it." Koichi paused. "It's a masterpiece."


Tsuyoshi handed him the drawing. "Don't show anyone."


"I won't." Koichi smoothed out the paper. "This shows our shared pain."


"You're in pain?"


Koichi nodded.  "The pain is the price I must pay to see you free."


"Thank you for saving me."


Koichi reached out, turning the light in the study carrel off. Then he reached out, touching Tsuyoshi's cheek. He kissed his friend gently.


Tsuyoshi pulled away from him. "Ko-chan, it's not safe."


"I found out tonight that the room's security device is broken. It won't be fixed until morning." Koichi kissed him again. This time, Tsuyoshi sighed and gave into the kiss.


 Tsuyoshi moaned as Koichi began to kiss his neck. Koichi could feel Tsuyoshi dig his fingers into his hair.  Koichi held back, not puling Tsuyoshi to the floor. Instead he let his friend take the led. Koichi felt himself grow hard as he kissed his friend.  Koichi put his hand on top of his friend's hardness; he began to gently rub it.


"Can we move to the rug?" Tsuyoshi asked him. "I want more then this. Remember when we practiced kissing for that drama?"


"Of course I remember."


"It felt so good." He gathered up his courage. "I want to do that again."


"Do you want me to take off my clothes?" Koichi got down on the floor.


"Can we do it with our clothes on?"


"Of course we can." Koichi lay on the floor, not moving, waiting for Tsuyoshi.


Tsuyoshi knelt down beside Koichi, he kissed his friend. Then he moved so he was lying on top of Koichi. The older teen split his legs so that Tsuyoshi was resting between them. Tsuyoshi looked into his eyes and grinded his clothed body against Kochi's. Tsuyoshi arched backwards as he moved against his friend. Tsuyoshi's face was a mask of pure ecstasy.  Koichi put his arms around his friend's body.


"Oh god, this feels so different." Koichi gasped as the feelings over took him.


Tsuyoshi stopped what he was doing, his eyes looked confused. "I'm doing it wrong, aren't I?"


"Don't stop." Koichi moved his body against Tsuyoshi's. "I meant that it feels different when I'm with you. It feels so good, so pure.  I've had many men use my body, but I've never had anyone make love to me before. Please Tsuyoshi, make love to me."


Koichi kissed his friend. Tsuyoshi pushed his tongue into Koichi's mouth, Koichi kissed back, not hiding the hunger he felt for his friend. Tsuyoshi's thrusts grew harder, stronger.  A few grinds from Tsuyoshi's body was all that was needed to drive Koichi over the edge. He felt his body arch back, trying to push himself as close to Tsuyoshi as he could. Then he screamed Tsuyoshi's name.


 Koichi's lips went to Tsuyoshi's ear. His friend began to make little yelps. Koichi could feel Tsuyoshi's thrusts became so hard that Koichi thought he would be crushed. Then Tsuyoshi gasped "Ko-chan."


Tsuyoshi collapsed onto Koichi. The two teens lay clinging to each other. Koichi tried to regain his breath. He had needed Tsuyoshi. Even though they hadn't had sex, Koichi felt like they where closer then they ever been before.


Finally Tsuyoshi said. "It didn't hurt."


"I don’t' understand."


"All love doesn't have to hurt. Okada was right; he told me that it felt different when you wanted it." Tsuyoshi slid off of him, and took Koichi in his arms. "It felt so good."


Koichi snuggled against him. "It even feels different when you're with someone you love."


"You called what we did lovemaking. Does that mean we're lovers?"


"That's up to you."


"I feel like we are." Tsuyoshi paused. "I've never felt this way before. I don't want it to end."


"We'll have many more times." Koichi kissed Tsuyoshi gently. "Someday, all of this will be over. I'll be able to be with you without fearing punishment."


"You know that will never happen."


"It will. We have to have faith."


"I have faith in you. I trust you." Tsuyoshi kissed Koichi.


Koichi felt his heart soar, Tsuyoshi trusted him. "Thank you for trusting me enough to give me your love."


"You're the only one I trust."  Tsuyoshi finally confessed. "I don't want to let go of you."


"I'll always be at your side." Koichi promised. "I love you."


"Love you too." 


Koichi let himself be lulled by the sound of Tsuyoshi’s heartbeat.  His lover, he felt as if finally Tsuyoshi was his lover.  A love that hadn't hurt, that had only brought pleasure.


He had just fallen asleep when he felt Tsuyoshi shake him gently. Koichi opened his eyes a bit. "Why did you wake me up?"



"We can't be caught together." Tsuyoshi gave Koichi more kiss, and then he got off the floor. He turned the light back on. "I think I'll stay up a little longer. Why don't you go to bed?"


Koichi got to his feet; he put his arms around Tsuyoshi's waist. "Don't stay up all night."


"I won't." Tsuyoshi promised. "If I don't go back to my room, Sakamoto will come looking for me."


"Is Sakamoto a good roommate?"


"I suppose." Tsuyoshi turned in Koichi's arms. "He's better then Ken, but you're the best roommate of all."


"You are too." Koichi picked up the drawing that Tsuyoshi had given him. Then he gave Tsuyoshi a good night kiss. "See you in the morning."




The next day Koichi was sitting in the dorms lobby, doing his homework.  Tsuyoshi was sitting across the table from him doing homework. The two teens had different homework as Koichi had a tutor. Koichi still hadn't come off of the feelings he had from the night before. His relationship with Tsuyoshi had risen to a new level. The problem Koichi had was the fact that they couldn't do anything else. Even though ever fiber of his being wanted Tsuyoshi, the now repaired security device prevented the teens from even kissing.


After a while, Koichi realized that Tsuyoshi was watching him. He looked at his friend. "Is something wrong?"


"Gomen na." the Teenager looked down to his homework. "I'm acting like a Baga. I shouldn't stare at you.""


"It's all right. I don't mind you looking at me." Koichi smiled at him. "When we were apart, I stared at you a lot."


"I liked when you did that. You're eyes are very expressive." Tsuyoshi confessed. "They seemed to talk to me."


"You like my eyes?"  Koichi gasped. "My eyes are too little, half the time I'm squinting because I forget to wear my contacts."


"You're eyes tell me secrets. Things we aren’t' allowed to discuss." As Tsuyoshi said that, he could hear the movement of the security device.


 "We better get back to our homework." Koichi glanced at the repaired security device. Tsuyoshi nodded.


"This might sound crazy, but I really missed doing homework with you."


"I missed it too." Koichi slipped his shoe off, he reached under the table, and his feet touched Tsuyoshi's leg. He used his foot to caress it.  "Homework seems to be more fun when we're together."


"The Manager did the right thing in making us partners." Tsuyoshi went back to his work.


Just then, Nagase and Inocchi came up to them. They barely gave Koichi a glance. Inocchi said. "Tsuysh, you ready to go?"


"What?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"We're going out tonight, remember?" 


Tsuyoshi gave a half-smile. "I forgot."


"Want to go?" Nagase asked Koichi.


Inocchi grabbed Nagase's arm, and pulled him away from the table.  Koichi couldn't help but overhear. "Koichi's not coming with us!"


"I can invite anyone I want!" Nagase countered. "Koichi's my friend."


"Then I know that Yamaguchi, Taichi and I won't go!" Inocchi spit. "I'm going no where with a sell out!"


"Koichi's' not a sell out!"


"Then what do you call moving into the mansion?"


"He no longer lives there." Nagase reminded him.


"The limo still comes for him." Inocchi reminded him. "He's a spy. I'll never trust him. Most of the dorm agrees!"


Koichi looked up from his book, he pretended not to hear Inocchi.  "Thanks for the offer, but I have a lot of homework tonight."


"I’ll stay with you." Tsuyoshi volunteered.


Koichi realized he couldn't do that to his friend. If he agreed to Tsuyoshi's staying, there would be repercussions. "It's okay, you don't have to. You deserve to have some fun."


"Ko-chan," Tsuyoshi began.


"The Manager will probably call for me tonight." Koichi lied.  "I insist, go with them."


Tsuyoshi looked at him warily. "Are you sure?"


"Of course I am." Koichi gave a half smile.


"Can you keep my books for me?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"Be glad to."


Tsuyoshi stacked up his books. Then he got up.  "I'll see you later, right?"


Koichi plastered on a fake smile. "Of course, we're partners." 


Koichi watched Tsuyoshi leave with his friends. It was another reminder to him that Tsuyoshi's life had gone on without him.  The first night they could have spent together in a week, and Tsuyoshi was gone. He couldn't tell his friend the truth, that the Manager never called Koichi on Friday night. 


"Oh look, the sell out's alone." he could hear Morita say. The Coming Century member was sitting at a table doing homework with Miyake Ken.


"All his bodyguards are gone." Ken agreed. "We can beat the crap out of him, and we won't get caught!"


"Can you believe he sold us out?" Morita hissed.  "It's his fault everything we do is seen by the Manager."


"He needs to pay you back for the hell Yamaguchi put you through." Ken told him.


*Those two aren't worth getting into trouble.* Koichi thought. He picked the books on the table up and went back to his room.


Koichi found his roommate Okada in their room studying. He looked up to Koichi. "I thought you had a study date with Tsuyoshi."


"It ended early." Koichi tossed the books on his desk. He picked up the script to the drama he was working on.


"That doesn't sound like Tsuyoshi."  Okada told him.


"He went out with his friends." Koichi admitted.


"Why didn't you go with them?"


"Not everyone wanted me to go." Koichi sat down on his bed. He tried not to act upset.  "You know how it's like, when everyone thinks you’re a spy."


"Yeah, it sucks." Okada agreed. "I was invited, but..."


"But what?" Koichi interrupted.


"Inocchi insisted you couldn't come. I don't desert my friends." The teen said loyally.


"You shouldn't give up your fun because of me." Koichi told him.


"I'd rather stay with you!"


There was a tapping on the bedroom door.  Okada answered it. It was Taichi of Tokio. "We haven't left yet. Are you sure you don't want to come with us?"


"I'm sorry, not tonight." Okada told him.


"Come on, what's one evening of fun?" Taichi tempted.  "There are a lot of good looking guys there."


"No thanks. I really do have to study."


"If you change your mind, call me."  The keyboardist turned and left.


Okada shut the door and went back to his homework.  Koichi looked up to him. "That was stupid."


"I couldn't leave you alone." Okada said stubbornly.


"Why are you acting this way?" Koichi demanded.  "What's the big deal of my spending an evening by myself?"


 Junichi sat down on his bed.  "You saved me."


"I didn't save you."


"It's been a year since the Manager last called for me." Okada explained. "Because of you, no one touches me without my permission. I would have gone insane if it had gone on."


"You're being free is enough thanks for me."  Koichi went to his desk and sat down. He went back to working on his homework.




Tsuyoshi sat in the observation area of the bowling alley. The outing had been more of a group date. Everyone else had a date, except for Tsuyoshi. So he sat watching his friends. It wouldn't be fair to horn his way into one of the teams.


Tsuyoshi sipped on a coke, trying not to think of his best friend.  It had only been a few days since Koichi's return.  Even though Koichi was back in the dorms they had spent little time together. Every night the limo arrived for Koichi.  His friend acted as if going to the mansion didn't bother him. But the fact was that it bothered Tsuyoshi.  Koichi's trips to the mansion bothered Tsuyoshi more now that they where lovers. Tsuyoshi felt deep in his heart that Koichi was his lover. When Koichi had fallen asleep in his arms, Tsuyoshi too wanted to sleep with him. What would have happened if they had been caught? Would they both be fired?


*I want to be at your side forever.*Tsuyoshi thought. *I want to wake up with you in my bed.*


*I want to be your only lover.*


"Let me guess, you're thinking of Koichi." Nagase sat down beside him.


"I was just thinking how it would be like if he hadn't gone to the mansion tonight." Tsuyoshi took a drink. "I really want to spend an evening with him."


"It's Friday. Our manager doesn't call for his favorites on Friday." Leader sat down beside Nagase.


"Then why would he tell me that?" Tsuyoshi asked.


"Perhaps he overheard what Inocchi said." Nagase told him.


"What did Inocchi say?" Leader asked.


"He said that Taichi, Yamaguchi and him wouldn’t' go if Koichi went."


"He really said that?" Tsuyoshi asked. "I thought Inocchi and Koichi are friends."


"You mean they used to be friends." Nagase corrected. "Inocchi thinks Koichi sold out."


"What about Yamaguchi and Taichi?"


"What about us?" Yamaguchi asked as he too sat down. Taichi sat down next to him.


"Do you think Koichi sold out?" Leader asked the two men.


"He does what he has to." Taichi said.


"Can you trust him?"


"Why wouldn't I?" The keyboardist sounded confused. "I was the Manager's favorite for a once. I know that Koichi didn't sell out!"


"What about you Yama?" Tsuyoshi asked. "Would you have come with us if Koichi had?"


"What kind of stupid question is that?" Yamaguchi asked.


"Would you have?" Nagase asked.


"Of course I would!" Yamaguchi put down his beer.  "This was *supposed* to be a welcome back Koichi party."'


"But no Koichi." Tsuyoshi said glumly.


 "Why didn't he come?" Taichi asked.


"He overheard Inocchi telling me no one wanted him to come." Nagase said.


"Can I hit Inocchi?" Yamaguchi asked.  I've been wanting to punch him for quite some time."


"Wait until we get back to the dorms. We can't let all this get into the press!" Leader said.


"I want to go back to the dorms." Tsuyoshi said. "I want to see Koichi. Would someone take me?"


"Why don't we bring the party to Koichi?" Nagase suggested.




Koichi stared up at the night sky. He was sitting on a bench in the dorms back yard.  It had been so long since he had been allowed something simple like star gazing.  He ignored any security devices. They didn't matter out here. With the quiet, Koichi could spend time thinking.


His dorm mates thought of him as a sell out. His friends no longer trusted him. He could count his friends on one hand.  But one of those friends was Tsuyoshi.  Koichi touched the ring on his finger. It was Tsuyoshi's ring. Tsuyoshi now had a life, and friends. He knew it was only a matter of time until Tsuyoshi out grew him.


"Ko-chan." Tsuyoshi came into view. He walked up to the bench Koichi was sitting on. "I was looking for you. I should have known you would come out here."


 "This is a good place to think." Koichi glanced up at the security device.  "Why are you back so early?"


"We decided to bring the party here."


"Oh I see." It was yet another reminder that Koichi was not invited to the party.  "If you're coming out here, I better get going."


He stood up to leave. Tsuyoshi grabbed his hand. "Don't go."


"I wasn't invited." Koichi reminded him gently. "I don't go where I'm not wanted."


"You don't understand Ko-chan." Tsuyoshi began.


"I understand more then you think." Koichi interrupted. "Not everyone's like you. Some people still resent me for moving into the Mansion."


"You don't live there anymore." Tsuyoshi reminded him. "You're back with me."


*He's still so innocent.* Koichi thought.


Just then Yamaguchi and Taichi came around the corner. Koichi let got of Tsuyoshi's hand.


Yamaguchi smiled. "Hey Tsuyoshi, you found him!"


"What's going on?" Koichi asked.


"Tsuyoshi wanted to go home." Taichi said. "We decided to bring the party to you."


"I wasn't invited." Koichi reminded him.


"How else can we have a welcome back party without the person we're welcoming back?" Yamaguchi countered.


"A welcome back party?" He repeated.


 Tsuyoshi looked at Koichi. "Please come. It wouldn't be the same without you."



Koichi realized that Taichi and Yamaguchi where doing this for Tsuyoshi.  Koichi looked into his partners eyes.  "A party sounds fun."



They had the party in the one place in the dorm that didn't have security devices, Leaders’ room.  Koichi looked at Tsuyoshi who was sitting on the leader's bed.  His partner looked exhausted. Koichi wondered if Tsuyoshi had slept the night before.


Things had changed with his friend. Before all of this, he used to drink beer. Tsuyoshi now insisted he didn't drink.  Koichi stole a soda from Leader's refrigerator. He handed it to Tsuyoshi.


"Thanks." his friend took it. Then he opened the drink.


Koichi sat down beside his friend.  He opened his beer and took a long drink. It felt good to have a cold beer without the prying eyes of security devices.


Yamaguchi went to the pair.  "You two are debuting in a few weeks."


"Yeah, we are."  Koichi said.


"Enjoy your free time now." the bass player smiled. "After you debut, it's going to be crazy."


"How crazy?" there was skepticism in Tsuyoshi's voice.


"That is, if your song sells." Inocchi said. "Course, being the favorite, no matter how good it is, it will sell."


"Excuse me." Yamaguchi grabbed Inocchi and pulled him out in the hallway.


"The Baga doesn't realize if you're the favorite, you have to work five times harder then everyone else." Leader told him.


"We'll work hard. If we do, we'll sell." Koichi told Tsuyoshi. 


"It won't be easy." Tsuyoshi reminded him. "We won't have a moment of free time."


"The only difference from not being a debuted artist is you sell CD's." Leader said.


"Yeah, and you go on the TV to sing." Nagase said. "A lot, a whole lot."


Just then Yamaguchi pulled Inocchi into the room. The V6 member now sported a black eye. "Tell him you’re sorry."


"Sorry." Inocchi said.  "You're very talented. You will sell."


"Thank you." Koichi said.


Koichi watched as Inocchi left the party.  He could feel Tsuyoshi's hand resting near his. He realized his friend wanted to hold his hand.  Koichi moved his hand so that it was sitting on top of his. Tsuyoshi moved his hand so that he was holding Koichi's, their fingers interlaced.  Then Tsuyoshi looked up to Koichi. For a brief instant it was like they where alone in the room.


"Welcome back, Ko-chan." Tsuyoshi smiled.




Tsuyoshi woke at eleven o’clock in the morning.  It had been the first time in months he had slept more then three hours at a time.  Tsuyoshi got out of bed, and like he did every morning he went to the drawer to take his medicine.  He opened the drawer. The pill bottles weren't in the place that he usually kept them.  He searched for his medicine through his drawer, but they were still missing.



"What's wrong?" His roommate Sakamoto asked.


"There's nothing wrong." Tsuyoshi didn't want to tell his roommate that he took medicine for his depression.  He began to take things out of his drawer.


"Missing something?" His roommate said in a way that made Tsuyoshi realize that Sakamoto knew what he was looking for.


"Yes, I am."


"What would our Manager said if he knew you popped pills?"  The older man got off his bed.


"He all ready knows."


"Did the Manager put you on them?" Sakamoto asked.  "Drugs are bad, no matter who gives them to you!"


“It’s medicine." Tsuyoshi admitted.


"What is your medicine is for?"


"I'm not going to tell you."


"Why are you so ashamed?" Sakamoto asked. "What are you taking them for?"


"If I tell you, the whole dorm will find out. Then it will get out in the press. It could ruin Koichi's career."


"How could it ruin his career? You're the one taking the pills."


"We are a team; any scandal would affect both of us. If I'm fired what would happen to the Kinki Kids?" Tsuyoshi asked.  "I would have quit a long time ago if it wasn't for Koichi."


"Does Koichi know that you take medicine?" Sakamoto asked.


"I can't tell him about my condition. He wouldn't understand." He said softly.


"If you told me what it was, I wouldn't tell anyone." Sakamoto promised.  "I wouldn't tell him."


"You have my medicine." Tsuyoshi guessed.


"You won't get them back until you tell me what's wrong with you."


Tsuyoshi sat down. Sakamoto sat down beside him.  He didn't look at his roommate. "I have severe clinical depression and panic disorder."


"If you don't get your medications every day, the symptoms come back." Sakamoto guessed.


"If I don't take my medicines, I'll go back into the black hole."


"Black hole?"


"When I'm depressed, I feel as if I'm living in a black hole." Tsuyoshi told him.  "Everything is crushing down on me."


"The past year's been hard on you." Sakamoto told him gently.


"I still can't get over what happened to me when I was the Manager's favorite." Tsuyoshi got up and went to the window. "I know I was called for only fourteen times. I know that isn't many times compared to Okada and Koichi. My mind can't let me forget what happened."


"I've been there too." Sakamoto told him. "I've lived your life. The days of being chained to a bed, Forced to do things with men you've never met before. Then when the Manager gets sick of you, you're thrown in the closet."


"All I had to help me was Okada. There have been times when I've wanted to die. Okada's talked me out of it."  Tsuyoshi admitted. "I'm even afraid to go to sleep. I have nightmares."


"Oh my god." Sakamoto murmured. "Do you see a psychologist?"


"How can I? I couldn't tell him the truth. It would get back to our Manager." Tsuyoshi felt helpless. 


"So you take the pills."


"It makes my life bearable. I don't feel like ending it all when I take them."


"We're more alike then I thought." The leader of V6 told him.


"What do you mean?"


"I take medicine for depression.” Sakamoto took the bottles of pills from their hiding place and gave them to him.  "You should tell Koichi. I think he would understand."


"I can't show Koichi my weakness." he told him. "I just got him back. I might loose him."


"I understand." Sakamoto nodded. "I won't tell anyone. It will be our secret."


"Thank you." Tsuyoshi took his medicine and put the bottles away.


"You need to talk to your doctor about your insomnia." Sakamoto told him.


“How can he help?"


"Insomnia is a side effect of your medicine." Sakamoto took out a small book. He opened it and handed it to Tsuyoshi. "You need to read this; it describes the side effects of your medicines."


Tsuyoshi nodded. "Thanks, I will."




Koichi was going through a small lock box. Stacked one on top of the other was the notes that Tsuyoshi had written to him during the year he was away. He picked one up, reading the words for the hundredth time. The one that he liked the most simply said. "Thank you for the birthday present. I'm wearing it now.  The bracelet is another tie to you. You said that you wanted to give me more, but couldn't. You gave me something priceless. You gave me freedom.  No one really knows what freedom is, unless you are a prisoner. If only I could save you from what you're going through. You are my hero, saving me from hell. Thank you for giving me freedom. I will always love you."


Koichi then picked up a photo. It had been given to him by the Manager to try to persuade him to get over Tsuyoshi. The photo had the opposite effect. It had given Koichi one more reason not to quit. The photo had been of Tsuyoshi and Okada.  They lay side by side on the bed. Tsuyoshi's right hand and neck had been chained. Tsuyoshi wasn't looking at the camera. Okada on the other hand stared straight at the camera, defiant.


"What are you looking at?" Okada jerked the photo out of Koichi's hand. His mouth fell open in shock. "Oh my god.'


"I'm sorry; I didn't want you to see it."


"Why do you keep it?" Okada demanded. "How can you stand to look at it? Does it turn you on?"


"Of course it doesn't turn me on!' Koichi took the photo from him.  He put it back in the box, and locked the box.


"Then why do you keep it?" Okada demanded.


"When I feel myself waver, and wanting to quit going to the Manager, I look at this photo." Koichi said softly. "It reminds me that what I do isn't about me. It's to save my friends."


"You've seen the videos of Tsuyoshi and me?" Okada sounded ashamed. Koichi nodded. ."Does Tsuyoshi know?"


"How could I tell him?" Koichi asked. "I can't tell him that I've seen the videos, and I have your picture. I'm afraid I would traumatize him more."


"If having that photo saves me, then I agree that you should keep it." Okada decided.


"Will you tell Tsuyoshi?"


"Of course I won't! Before your return, I was his roommate." Okada said. "He has nightmares every night."


"I wish I was his roommate. I could be there for him." Koichi said longingly.


"You are there for him."


Koichi told his roommate. "I never thanked you for slipping notes to Tsuyoshi."


"It was nothing." Okada picked up a script and sat down on his bed.


"I think I would have gone insane if I hadn't had them."  Koichi confessed.


"You kept them?" when Koichi nodded, Okada said. "I can't believe the Manager didn't find them."


"I was good at hiding them." He shrugged. "I had them hidden in song lyrics I wrote.”


"Are you with Tsuyoshi?"


"As well as we can be." he paused. "Tsuyoshi's still hurting."


"He'll get better now that your back."


"Don't have that much faith in me?" The older teen asked wearily.


"It's true. He was so lost when you where gone." Okada looked at him. "He didn't smile before your return."


"Tsuyoshi smiles all the time."


"Tsuyoshi only smiles when you're around." Okada insisted. "When you're not near he is very depressed. It's all most like he's a different person."


"Tsuyoshi's been depressed?" Koichi asked.


"Tsuyoshi's time being the favorite was harder on him then it ever was on me." Okada said softly.  "Tsuyoshi has nightmares, he's sad all the time. The panic attacks are the worse though. He's terrified of being pinned down."


"I've noticed." Koichi admitted.


"He's taking medicine for the attack."  There was a tapping on Koichi's door. Okada went and answered it. "Hi Tsuyoshi, I've got to go get lunch!" With that, Okada left.


"What's wrong with him?" Tsuyoshi asked as he came into the room, he shut the door.


"Perhaps he's hungry?" Koichi suggested.  "How was your sleep?"


"It was all right." Tsuyoshi lied. 


"Can I touch you?" Koichi asked. When Tsuyoshi nodded, Koichi took him in his arms. He could feel Tsuyoshi put his arms around his waist. "Thanks for inviting me to the party."


"Anytime." Tsuyoshi kissed Koichi gently. 


Koichi let go of his friend. "How have you been feeling lately?"


"I feel good." another lie.


"I've been told that you're taking medicine."


Tsuyoshi's eyes narrowed. "Who told you that?"


"What does it matter? Are you taking something?"


"I'm on Prozac and zanex." Tsuyoshi admitted. "It's for depression."


"I take Prozac too." Koichi admitted.  "I've been very depressed since becoming the favorite.  A handler comes with me everywhere. If I talk to you I'm punished. If I show the wrong emotion or a mistake, I'm beaten."


"Why didn't you quit?"


"I can't quit! You would have to take my place. How can I let you go through what I have to?" Tears stung Koichi's eyes.  "You've started to trust again. If I quit, all that will be gone." 


Tsuyoshi put his arms around him. "We have a shared pain."


"Even though others use my body, you’re the only one in my heart." Koichi told him. "You're the only one who’s ever made love to me."


"I know." Tsuyoshi's arms tightened.  "You're the one that told me that it doesn't count if you don't want it."


"Thank you for understanding." he put his arms around his friend.


 Tsuyoshi kissed Koichi gently. "I came here to get my books.""


"Can I have another kiss tomorrow morning?" Koichi asked.


"You can have one now." Tsuyoshi kissed him again. 


Just then the door opened. Then the unmistakable voice of Sakamoto said. "Have you seen Junichi?"


Tsuyoshi pulled away from Koichi. He went to the desk and picked up his books.  "See you later."


"Bye Tsu-chan." Koichi watched his friend leave.


"He didn't have to leave." Sakamoto said.


"We're not supposed to be alone together." Koichi told the older man. "Now what did you need?"


"I wanted to know where Junichi is."


"I think he went to lunch." Koichi looked at the clock.



Koichi came back from the mansion in the middle of the night. He had just fallen asleep when he was woken by a high pitched beeping sound.  Koichi could hear Okada moving around the room.


"Koichi wake up!" Okada told him.


"What's up?" He opened his eyes.


"The fire alarms are going off!"


Koichi got out of bed, and pulled on a sweat suit. He went into the hallway, which was filled with boys trying to get out of the building.  He could smell smoke, but didn't see any.


Koichi followed the tide of boys going outside to the parking lot. As he did, he looked for Tsuyoshi. He couldn't see his friend. Koichi walked around the edge of the group looking for his friend. Still, he couldn't see him. 


*Tsuyoshi, we're Tsuyoshi?* Koichi asked himself. *Is he safe?*


 As he searched for Tsuyoshi, Koichi realized that it wasn't his dorm that was on fire, it was the Juniors dorm which was next to the Senior dorm.  The roof of the Junior's dorm was on fire. The flames like great waves.


"Wonder what happened?" Koichi asked himself.


Okada suddenly appeared at his elbow.  "I hear that one of the Juniors was burning a candle."


"Which one?"


"Don't know."


"Have you seen Tsu-chan?" Koichi asked his roommate.


"He's got to be around here somewhere." Okada told him. "Tsuyoshi doesn't sleep much. He's probably in the middle of the crowd."


Just then several fire engines drove up. The group had to move further away.  For the first time, he noticed Tsuyoshi, watching the firemen work. He was wearing a light blue robe. His hair was uncombed.  He was talking to his roommate Sakamoto. 


Koichi wanted to go to Tsuyoshi, to talk to him. But he reminded himself that too many people where watching. Even with a fire near by, Koichi had to remember there were spies everywhere.


"Come on Koichi, let's move closer.” Okada prompted.


"Sure," He followed Okada to what his roommate thought of was a closer place.  Still, Koichi couldn't keep his eyes off of his partner. 


"The two of you are pathetic." Okada looked at Tsuyoshi and then at Koichi.  Okada grabbed his arm, and pulled him to where Tsuyoshi was standing. "Talk to him!"


"You're going to get me into trouble." Koichi growled.


Sakamoto, whose back was to Koichi turned.  "Hi there."


"I heard there was a fire." Koichi said lamely.


"Yeah, in the Junior's dorm." 


Sakamoto moved so that Tsuyoshi was standing beside Koichi.  He then grabbed Okada's hand. "Let's go find a closer place." Koichi watched the two men walk off. 


"How's it going?" Tsuyoshi didn't take his eyes off the fire.


Koichi turned so that he too was watching.  "I was woken from a sound sleep."


"At least you where sleeping." Tsuyoshi yawned.


"Having trouble sleeping?"


"I had a nightmare." He admitted.  "Every time I closed my eyes the dream returned."


"I wish I had been there." Koichi confessed.


Koichi felt Tsuyoshi touch his hand, his fingers gently interlacing with his.  "You're with me now, that's what matters."


The two friends watched the fire together. It became obvious that the fire in the Junior's dorm was too far along to save the dorm. The firefighters began to concentrate on saving the buildings around it.


Just then vans from several media outlets drove up. Koichi dropped Tsuyoshi's hand. He could hear Leader remind the Junior's not to talk to the press.


Koichi looked at Tsuyoshi, who smiled at him. Koichi had his partner back. Nothing else mattered.